Husband sits at home with no job; Is she wrong for asking him to find a job before she can agree to stay with him?
She does all the work in a Joint Family
As Salam O Alaikum,
First of all , jazakAllah for taking the time to read my post.
This post is regarding my sister. She married a year and a half back at the age of 18yrs and was engaged for 3 yrs. Now she has a beautiful daughter Allhamdullilah .
She came home these days for Ramadan. Now she doesn't want to go back.
The problems she faced living with her husband in our home country are first of all her husband doesn't work. He doesn't gets a big fat income and is not ready for a small income. We have been paying her's, husband's and daughter's expenses from day one.
The second problem is she works for the household as they are in a joint family with no help from anyone and no reward. Still she hears that it's not enough. Now she wants to work here. She says if her husbands needs her he should come here and have a job as she cannot live under those circumstances. Her husband has said he will divorce her or kill her.
She says if she goes back he will never allow her to visit us again, or talk to us nor will she get any rights from him.
This whole year he didn't provide her hospital if she was sick, he didn't allow her for rest after 7 am till 10 pm ever even when she's sick. When she's sick he sleeps outside. Her In laws say they have food and that's sufficient. She gets to hear all bad stuff from husband and in-laws always. They even don't provide food of her choice. She has become so weak and is unhealthy now.
Now is she wrong not going back because of all this sufferings? Is she wrong to ask him to come here and work? We brought him thrice but always he runs back.
JazakAllah
Masalaam
~ zareen
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Asalam alaykum dear sister ...first of all i would like to say your sisters husband is very mean and selfish he does not care for her welfare in life or his daughter he comes across to me as a very bad husband i would leave him this would be better for your sister hes a no body your sister has a good heart and works hard but at first talk of work to him it looks like he runs from this as he is lazy and very disrespectful ...this before you let ur sistrr leave you to go back to that loser becss if she was my sister she would be would be dovorced long ago may all guide u to the right path ...he is wrong not ur sister allah haffiz take care x
Firstly i am very sorry for your pain and difficulties you are facing may allah make it easy fr you.
Secondly when you was engaged to this man did he have a job? Was the in laws ever mean to you, sounds to me he has changed and become selfish but having a man to provide does not always work unless he understands like a real man he has to without being told to. I also feel that you are using the child has a weapon to get even with the man, now you got a child you want it your way. Marriage is about compromise and yes the husband should have stood by the wife, but it takes two to make it work.
ASSLAMALAIKUM-
WOMEN ARE THE GREATEST OF CREATURES IN THE WORLD -
ADAM ALAIHISALAM WAS CREATED OUTSIDE THE HEAVEN AND HAVA[UMMI]WAS CREATED INSIDE THE HEAVEN
1ST AND FOREMOST POINT HERE IS THAT NO WOMEN MARRIES TO SERVE THE PARENTS OF THE HUSBAND.
IT IS NOT THE RULE IN ISLAM LIKE THAT-
AND EVEN SHE CANT BE FORCED TO LIVE WITH THEM IF SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE
SHE MARRIES TO SERVE HER HUSBAND AND CARE FOR HIM IF SHE WANTS TO DO FAVOUR BY LIVING WITH IN LAWS THEN IT IS HER WISH-
NOT A RULE TO IMPOSE ON HER THIS IS SHEER OPPRESSION-
IF A MAN DOES NOT RESPECT HIS WIFE AND HER FEELINGS HE IS ACTUALLY TREATING HERA SERVANT WHO IS USED AS A MAID AND THEN WHERE IS THE SENTIMENT AND THE SANCTITY OF THE NIKAH-
IN THIS CASE THE SMALL PERIOD THE GIRL HAS FACED IS THE TIP OF THE ICE BERG I HAVE SEEN THESE TYPE OF LIVES GO ON AND ON FOR VERY LONG PERIOD AND FINALLY NOTHING COMES OUT WHICH IS WORTH UNLESS THE HUSBAND IS TRUTHFUL AND GOD FEARING AND FEELS THAT HE IS ANSWERABLE TO ALLAH FOR THE SITUATION AND THE SUFFERING-
the advise from me is simple but painful-divorse him. she is right he will let her come back again. he will not change. svae your sisters life and your family's trauma. if iam right in guessing.. i think her husband is from pakistan.
asalamu alaikum,
after reading your post i got a understanding of your situation. the husband is the one who supports not the other way around. its sad people hold their rigid tradition and culture before islam, and for those who are not muslim will see this and think islam is like this no women right etc when it isnt.
although what he is doing is bad, the part that really stuck out for me was the part he said " He will divorce her or KILL her." he threatened to kill her, people with that psycho mentality he might do something like that, he may justify it by sayong honor killing or any nonsense like that, you never know.
also one more part really worries me, " She says if she goes back he will never allow her to visit us again, or talk to us nor will she get any rights from him." this already shows he will mistreat her far far worse no doubt bout it, and you will probably never hear nor see her ever again.
i suggest not to send her back and get a divorce which will be better for her and your family.
ma salama
also one more thing i would like to mention, since she has a child if the child grows up seeing the mother being mistreated etc then the child is gonna grow up thinking thats how women are treated and its the norm when in reality it isnt. otherwise the cycle will go on. for the mother and child sake dont go back and break the cylce.
ma salama