Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am very sad and upset because of family

A Muslim family

We look happy on the outside, but things are very wrong underneath...

Assalamualikum

My Inlaws only talk n keep relation with my husband and children’s. I do their every work all house work cooking cleaning etc. but I feel I m only for this at home. I m not involved in any family or financial decision . But for this my Inlaws involve n follows my sister in law ( my husband’s sister ) though she is married. I feel so alone n sad. Plus my elder brother in law live separate. My Inlaws parents live with me. But they always comes at my home for thier vacations that time also I was treated as if I m nothing. My brother in laws’S wife also ignores me and my children. She talks when my Inlaws parents or my husband is infront. But when we are alone she totally ignores me n my kids , never talks to me at all. I always tried to maintain healthy relation with her it she never ever welcomes me to do so. I had complaint about her so many times to my husband my in laws but they think I m only wrong they shout to me only . I feel so alone n upset. That what I do , why people behaves like this with me. But my brother in laws’S wife doesn’t treat this way with my sister in law. In fact my sister in law are so close to her. They do thier every plan together. I always tries to mix with them but they together avoid me. N they create disruption in front of my husband that I m arrogant and I only had fault in me.

When my brother in laws family goes back I feel so frustrated . At night I suddenly wake up, can’t sleep, I only think why why why I m treated like this? What’s my fault, if they have any problem to me why they don’t clear it. I also asked them directly but I wasn’t given any answer .

Please someone suggest me what I do so that I don feel sad and I don’t wake suddenly at night ,

Also one thing my parents Inlaws are also have lots of good feelings caring to my brother in laws wife, I appreciate this but I want they have same feelings for me also.

there r so many incidents happened with me where I was traded completely avoided n ignore in my home only by my brother in laws'S wife, mother in law n sister in law.

every night they just comes in my mind , n I wake up n can't sleep at all.

Please suggest me how do I come out from his situation?

i asked so many times to my husband that I can't sleep Bcoz of all these. But instead of showing sympathy n nice to be me, he always takes his family side , he nowadays stop listening to me also , rather he shouts me only n say what I can do for all these. I said I do t want u to fight with them but I want u to realize how your family treate with me and understand how they r fake with u also .

Waiting for reply

Sanasister

 

 

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4 Responses »

  1. Wallaykumassalaam Sanasister,

    I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing sadness due to not being involved in your family to the degree that others are, feeling left out, feeling unappreciated, and sleep issues. This is all very difficult and I pray Allah will reward you soon for the pain you are experiencing with a sense of inclusion and joy.

    I would suggest a few things.

    First off, I would pray a 2-rakah Salat-ul-Hajah (prayer for a need) asking Allah to fulfill your needs. For the two surahs in the prayer, recite Surat Al-Kaafiroon and Surat Al-Ikhlas. Allah knows what your needs are, and how best to fulfill them to your satisfaction and peace of mind.

    Secondly and practically, I would stop trying so hard to "be a part" of the family. Some effort in moderation is good, but if you are trying too hard, they may feel pressured to do things with you, which you don't want anyways...you want them to include you of their own accord.

    Maybe you should first focus on just a couple of the family relationships, such as with your spouse, strengthen those, and then let the others follow. If others see that you are content with what you have, they will naturally gravitate toward you. Also, it will give you a chance to think about other things...you should be living and "thinking" balance. Focus on relationships, yes, but also try to give more attention by way of action and time to your health and well-being, including diet, exercise, and hygiene. Also keep connected with your own family of origin.

    Inshallah Allah will give you a true sense of belonging in your family as well as in the world, very soon.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  2. Also sister, see yourself as a special creation of Allah that has something important, unique, and beautiful to offer your family. It may not be what the next person offers. However, it is equally as important and uniquely beautiful. With this attitude, you will see many rewards coming your way from Allah swt.

    May you have a terrific day,

    Hugs,

    Nor

    • Assalamualikum jazakallah khair a lot for replying n praying for me. I have one more question . Please reply to that . I will write after some time.

    • Assalamualikum please tell me

      1)how do I realize my husband to stand in my favor whenever his family is making me sad, upset.

      2) I tried all my best to win my husband hearts n convince him that I m not happy the way I am treated at home , but at the end instead of listening to me , n understanding my feelings, he rather fights back to me, he says I am enemy of his family, after listening such things I cried so hard , n now I had stopped myself any expectation from him.

      3) my husband is highly influenced by his parents. But his parents only put all responsibility on my husband , though he is younger, and his parents gives so much freedom to his elder brother and his wife that they don't have any responsibility towards thier patents , they live separately abroad , though they have so many good opportunity in India , n have made so many properties ,
      Why why me only has to take care of my inlaws
      Though doing this , In return I get only insults, no appreciation , no financial matter in my hand .
      Am I just servant of all these people

      Now days I m so sad that suddenly at night I wake up, n all these things go in my mind, I just can't sleep. And it's affecting my health a lot a lot very much .

      4) my husband's brother & sister are mean to him. They just put all their responsibility on my husband and they live separately happily
      My husband not only take care of my inlaws , but also supports in making his siblings property .

      5) how do I convince my husband that all his family are mean to him. N Bcoz if all these our marriage life is going down , n we have no saving at all for our children's

      6) I had done jobs also , but I left Bcoz it was affected my children's , my health , plus everyday drama at home

      Please suggest me how do I solve all these problems
      I have kept fast , performed salatul hajjat , n do a lot of pray in my every namaz

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