My sister in law is interfering in my marriage
I would appreciate some advice...I've been married to my cousin for 8 years and we have 3 children.
Our marriage was arranged and things are going downhill. I feel as if I´m losing this war of trying to keep my marriage together. He is the brother of 6 sisters and he left them to live with me in the UK. We got married and i came back to the UK and finished my degree also had our 1st Son. When he came over we lived with my parents however there was constant arguments with my younger sister over silly things.
We then left and moved into rented accomodation and after that we had our second son. A year later, he started fighting and I really can´t remember what it was about but he turned from being nice and understanding to be violent and beated me. I still continued to live with him however things got worse when mother in law died.
3 of my sister in law got married however 1 was having an affair and she left her husband, my mother in law was old and she couldn´t take the strain and, at that time, she died. I really loved my mother in law, she was always nice to me. I remember when I got married and I went to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, I found her awake and we talked. She told me that she was under pressure and wanted her daughters to get married.
My sisters in law are older than me apart from 2 younger ones and one of them before I was even married had a proposal however my in laws have kept that guy holding on for a long time. My mother in law really liked him and took him to meet the entire family. It´s her decision but he´s still waiting after all these years.
I have another sister in law I never knew what I was in until she came to live with us. She broke her engagement off just to come to the UK, all hell broke loose. I was doing my post grad studies and when I was out of the house and my boys with my mum she would stir things up. I overheard her once when I came home telling my husband not to give me any money. She always wanted me out of the house and would do the cooking. When it was time for my husband to come home quickly grab a brush or vacuum. I took her out to the cinemas and even to an exhibition event with my friends so she wouldn´t feel alone. I really felt hurt when my mum dropped me home once that i coudn´t drive and she opened the door and ran inside and failed to say salaam to me or my mother and slamed closed the living room door. After that, i had enough and we ended up having a big fight and my husband and her kicked me and my children out.
I really cried no one would listen too me. I lived in my parents house for 2 weeks and slept on the couch. He never came to get me and so my mum said you should go back. We went back and she had a smile on her face which i just cant forget. She said one of the sickest things, 'i've got one brother should i lay him under her.' She crossed the line and we had a massive fight and she returned back to her country. She keeps controlling my husband and told him to leave me and he did. Until this day, she refused every single marriage proposal and wants to come back to this country and is trying to look for a spouse out of the country she made told her father lies that i was evil and she was innocent.
I am struggling.
Zara_k
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astaghfirullah this reminds me of my sister inlaw u know what she would do when we lived in the same house? my husband would buy the groceries and guess what? o my gush! when he goes to work she locks the fridge and hides the key! i was like hello? coz this was the first time i experianced such a character in my life i was shocked she wud never let me cook for my husband uhmmm and whose husband is it? then she would let me wash up her dirt! who messed up? i wud eat nothing all day and wen she cooks id refuse.... hubby asked y ? i told him abt his sister .... till today he does nt believe me and has not put her in her place.... so i told him ok believe what you want Allah and i and her knows the truth..... so i stay in my room keep quiet and avoid her and when my hubby is around i throw some fake smiles at her give her a hug and kiss with wonderful salaam guess what! later the girl gets married and her husband treats her the same way she had treated me. some ppl really think they will get away with harming or opressing others....
Salaams sister
You are in an awful situation just as how I was with my in-laws. But as the sister above mentioned whatever you do to others: it comes back to bite you.
Hope and pray that she finds a husband that can keep her life busy instead of interfering in your'lls life. It's good that she's not living with you'll. Try to live separately so you'll could have a good relationship. You just need to avoid her. The more you feed her, the more she will do.
You would be fighting a losing battle if you going to fight with her. She's already got your husband-her brother- on her side.
You just have to let people see the good in you. Be nice to everyone else especially your husband. Eventually he would realize that she is wrong.
Good luck
Rumaysa
As salamu alaykum, Zara K,
Keep focus on your marriage, your husband and your children, be your best as Rumaysa said be loving to your husband, you need to gain his trust and loyalty to you as a wife, don´t mention negative items, focus on positive things and avoid giving opinions about his family, ....when you see yourself reminding the bad stuff, stop a minute, "Audhu billahi minash shaytanii Rajeem", "Astagfiroullah", keep yourself in the Straight Path, don´t alloud anyone to move you from there, insha´Allah.
Be as centered and focused as you can to be able to create the life that all you deserve. Have Allah(swt) always in your Heart, mind and mouth, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sister Salam,
I read about you , Wives facing problems about sis in law isa universal problem.it is like they start feeling unsecure and jealous cas her brother starts caring for his wives and his children and enjoys some personal life with that new lady in the house. I too have a same problem i have a sis in law who left her husband only because he earns a little less and my husband is alhamdullilah with good earnings , now she lives in her maternal home with my in laws and me , my husband is in saudi and he is unaware of the truth, My mother in law and sis in law keep on complaining about me to him and this has led to a long seperatin between us we also have a child for whom he has stopped caring, she wants him to care for her daughter give her all the luxury at home and i should no get all this, even though my husband can sponser me and my child he is not ready to keep me with him he wants me to stay back with his parents and work like a slave with mouth shut and in free. I did every possible thing to keep my husband happy i respected my in laws, looked over his sis and her child like my own family, but still they are jealous and they never find one good reason to pass it over to my husband and they dont leave one opportunity to complain abt me, i started feling so lonly my husband would talk to every body on phone call and whould not talk to me for months to gether. pls pray for me.
Allah Hafiz
Syed wafaa
i also have a sister in law interfering in my marriage to her brother we had to move back to her house but i didnt want to and everytime i talk to my husband about our problems he says im starting a argument when all i want is to talk out our problems and ends up me being crying all the time and he doesn;t say sorry about making me cry. it has made me depressed 2 times in the 3 and half months we been married he forced me to take the pill when i didn't want to.he always talk to his sister loads than he does me, i dont get much love from my husband and he doesnt understand me. i need some advice help me please
Assalam-o-Alaikum dear sister, May ALLAH swt give u best of both worlds..I feel for u sis..definitely it can be frustrated sometimes..Sis ALLAH swt knows what u are going through...who knows how much reward are you getting when u keep patience..
Sis Actually you both are new in marriage and her sister is with him all his life that is why he is more attached to him which is natural...and the other thing which may causing a problem is may be when you both(husband wife) talk to each other may be you are telling him all the things which her sister is doing wrong to you by which he will feel even more frustrated and at the end feel difficult to talk to you long hours..For example if some one might complain you about ur mother or sister definitely you will not like it and you will not be too comfortable talking about these things which is natural..
Sis in my humble i have a advice
Talk to to ur husband on the subjects what he wants to talk you know what it will do is you and him will have this relation and habit of talking to each other and right now this kind of relation is more important because when you will listen to him and then he will listen to u...
You have this project just for 3 months thanks him for little things he do for example thank him for earning money and working hard you can say" I am really thankfull to allah that allah swt have given a husband who is caring" and believe on these word too coz after all he is working hard to earn money...then thanks on little things like "please pass on the glass" then when he gave it to you....then say with all ur heart ."thank you" these things will do two thing first this will help create an atmosphere where you and and ur husband have less friction and then other thing is ALLAH swt says.."If ye give thanks, I will give you more..." Quran 14:7 which means if you will thank allah for good qualities of ur hasband allah swt will put more good qualities in him...
Talk ur heart to him too like ur childhood stories or things that heart u in life too etc but nothing against his family because this will just shut down his system of understanding....later on when he will be more understanding to u then u can even talk some things but really politely coz ur relationship is more important...
Also be nice to her sister too that she will become ur best friend...."Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!" Quran 41: 34
Hope this help
May ALLAH swt make you both coolness of eyes for each other...And May you both go hand in hand with each other in this life till you guys reach jannah ...Ameeeen...My prayers are with you..Forgive me if i said something wrong...Salam...Stay osum...May ALLAH swt reward u for each and every thing u try for ALLAHswt in ur marriage..Ameen
Assalam-o-alykum MashaAllah very much valuable advice by slave of Allah. I really appreciate for ur valued information,may Allahswt bless us to have the reward for our patience.