Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is this proposal for nikah halal valid?

secret nikah

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi.

Brothers and sisters, I need your help, guidance and advice urgently please. I am reverted Muslima origin latino, I live in a town where there are no mosques, not physically know a Muslim in my working environment, or my family. Islam met one of my trips and since then hugged our religion, I am Muslim love AllahI used to think to marry was not necessary. Now I want to marry a good Muslim, to guide me, support me, teach me to our religion so that together we can achieve Paradise, in sha Allah.

For my situation I was forced to register with various pages dedicated to marriage between Muslimsof the people we exchanged some words only found one that according to our talks covering the characteristics that must have a good Muslim. The detail is that is a married man. He proposed me "marriage". I accept, thinking it would be a second wife, but he answered me that his situation in a foreign country to yours, where polygamy is frowned upon and is considered a moral offense and is not permitted, asked me to be his nikah halal, says his intention is good, it's forever, in sha Allah. But wants to keep it a secret with his family and some friends, says he tried to staying with me from one to three days a week, to visit me daily (would have to leave my country, family and work), Allah if we want children, not to leave me alone about their education and maintenance. Also told me that he never thought to look for another woman but his wife has health problems and so is the need to look for another option without neglecting their current family.

In conclusión sisters and brothers, I can not to do...he gave me real data it is a known person, is really a good muslim, he has 55 years old... I am a woman with a good job in my country, I have a doctorate, have very good economic situation but that does not make me happy, I want a simple life, attached to Islam and not society. I also know that my age is not easy to find a single man, I have 38 years old. I would not, and I do not seek a relationship of madness, I just want someone to complete my dihn.

The nikah halal he mentions is valid? Is it valid the secret marriages? Says he has speak with an iman and already has two witnesses. Please, I need your advice or comments if they can do based on our religion is better.

confused sister




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7 Responses »

  1. hola senora
    first of all,
    this is the solid excuse for keeping a second wife while hiding from the first one, coz he knows that his wife will never accept a second woman, so he is merely saying this that polygamy is not allowed in his country, he can at least tell his family But he wants to keep it a secret with his family and some friends , or is he trying to say that polygamy is not allowed in his family, please dont be a fool, he is making you a fool, it will create a lot of problems for you, you will have no importance in this marriage. wehre do you stand
    tomorrow he will say that you are not his wife, what will you do.
    he is not the right person for you. secret marriages are not allowed in islam, whats the point of doing something secretly, that means there is something wrong, he is a mature person of 55 still he is saying such things, doesnt make any sense at all.
    you have 38 years, you will get another man, try to find a person who is single, insha Allah you will get a single man, if never been single, at least a divorced or widowed, second marriages cause alot problems and fights
    tell him to make announcement in the family or have a discussion about you with his wife . this is not the way to keep it secret, never ever do such mistake in your life.

    • indeed, this man wanted a wali of confidence. I thought each of his words, I thank you clear my doubts. I was very unsure why seek their advice .. thanks, Allah bless you

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    A secret marriage without any legal protection isn't a good starting point for a stable relationship. In Islam, a marriage is not meant to be hidden - a husband shouldn't hide his wife away as though she's a mistress in an illicit affair, he should take his responsibilities seriously and be proud to stand beside her in private and in public.

    You may say that this man seems to have good characteristics, but this is a man who is looking for a secret relationship, without the awareness of his wife, using her health problems as a reason to justify his behaviour. That rings some alarm bells for me.

    Honestly, I would make it clear to him that you would only consider a halal relationship as advised in Islam - it shouldn't be a secret, he should speak with your wali (if you speak with an imam they may well be able to act as your wali for this purpose - make sure it is an imam that you choose, and not someone chosen by another man - you could get in touch via the internet or telephone if there is no mosque nearby), and he should observe Islamic limits in his interactions with you (eg. no private communication without a third party being present).

    Pray istikhara before making your decision.

    But remember that this isn't the only man in the world who might marry you. There are millions of Muslims across the world, from all walks of life and all backgrounds. A lot of the public discussion about matchmaking focuses on young people in their teens and twenties, but there are many people older than this who are looking for spouses - eg. after divorce, looking to settle down after spending time establishing their career, coming to Islam later in life... Don't give up, and keep making dua.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • thanks to your advice I have made the right decisión...I decided to have patience and hope that Allah put in my way a person actually be afraid of God. and do not use our religion convenience Like you the situation that he proposed was an alarm for me .. Allah bless and reward for this noble task of guiding whom we are disoriented

  3. A.S.A.? I, tryg to coment yur above quote by NIKAH without WALI in ISLAM,,,As far yur quote above, you says, the WIFE can speak with an IMAM, to act as her WALI, 4 this purpose,@ any HADIITH? or AYAH? show us plse? Daudi Ali

    • thanks for its support and interest..Allah will wait to get in my way a person without many complications and conveniences..Allah bless you life

  4. brothers thanks for your advice and comments...I had read about second marriages. but as you remark, it must be based on our religion and not for the benefit and convenience of each person.. Allah's help and bless you for the great moral support they give

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