Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Thinking of leaving my boyfriend for religion but it’s hard – Part 2

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Halaal and Haraam of Relationships

as salamu alaikum wa rahma tullahi bar katu

In the name of ALLAH the most gracious,the most merciful. and mayALLAH's peace n blessings be upon Rasullah.

the title says it all.its my second post on this topic..i"ve tried several times leaving my boyfriend but i get stuck in between.i had several fights with him because i dont want to  stay with him BECAUSE its a haram relationship.but no matter what he wants to stick to me n eventually im not strong enough to let him go n we end up staying together(we stay together, talk spend time, but dont commit immoral physical acts) recently i had another fight n told him' I DONT WHAT TO DO .. i love ALLAH but i love u 2'.he understood n finally agreed saying u go on ur way but he stays in pain n i fall weak.then again we end up bumping into each other.everytime i am about to leave this relationship i get weak, think how will i survive n go online searching, if it's any way possible or Allah will cosider this relationship as we love each other too much n dont commit any sexual acts plus we want marry each other,so have a good intention...n then i found a article 'the caliph speaks:boy-girl relation'-(has become a popular site) he said how dangerous haram relationships r n then again advised those who will still stick together which is against Allah's will must stay in boundry.i made my bf read that n he caught the last point, it also got into my head n by reading some  many comments on that post i carried on being in relationship with him.but everytime i get in relationship wit him again i start thinking it's wrong,haram but during leaving him i just become so emotional,i feel like a hypocrite .(question :love marriages occur n i have niyat to marry him n he does it too,is it still bad for me to stay in relationship with him?-because it is easier said than done that i leave my bf)Allah gives me so many Chances to let go of this relation in some way(i think) but i just dont utilize it. n then again i fell Allah gives me chance to stay with him.i dont know what im doing.at this point im loosing my sanity

as one advised in the earlier post talk to a religious muslim female-friend ,so i did but she said let go i said its hard she said  i kno it hard..she herself doesnt say much as she knows im in pain. all my friends r muslim but most of them, are name muslim

n then there is distraction i see many hijabi girls having bf i then think 'no its just ok with me having my bf.then  he is infront of my eyes all the time n makes hard for me to leave him.plus i believed previously death marriage n life is predestined n then i came to know that only life n death r predestined by some islamic articles,then i decide if i stick to him i'll marry him but its a long way he cant marry now.

i also worry i may not get married during my mid 20s even. as i wear hijab n here in my country though a muslim country guys normally choose/prefer non-hijabi girls because they are attractive or may think I as hijabi am veryangry/fanatic/extremist/lifeless.and more over  ppl have affairs n they marry their gf n bf.who later suffers to find spouse are the pious who never got into haram relationships (i am not attributing piousness to myself-i know im not)etc so i keep on thinking that i stick to my bf as who will really marry me.plus before really understanding n start practicing islam i have done stupid things so i keep on thinking will any one marry me as i was not that good girl.im really confused n i get scared because my male cousin who is not able to get married as he has beard,although he is in a very good position n incomes a lot,religious goodlooking. n girls are not very comfotable marrying him because they think he'll force them to wear hijab, or torture them as now adays some islamic ppl do that n spoil the image of really good muslims n muslimahs. i also did istekhara on whether i should get married to him (even though i cant marry him now)i had 3 dreams which i didnt get the meaning plus as it should make easy for me i didnt feel any positivity or negativity towards him..i dont kno what to do next.plus some friends want be to be with him n then  i give all this a thought.im in serious pain i love him too much n he loves me too.he has emotionally broken down  as he knows i want to end it.

i am so so so confused n in delima plz pray for me

- emma


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22 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister,
    I understand that it will be really difficult for you to leave someone or something that you have emotional attachment with. Especailly after all that time spent with them. All I can say really is, if it's meant to be then it will. You said that he wants to marry you. Then ask him to come to your parents and ask them with love and respect. You are worth that much.

    Of course you will become weak when you are trying to leave this relationship as that is when shaitaan attacks, when you are feeling the most vulnerable and weak. When you feel that just think, Do i trust Allah? Like truly trust Him? You said yourself that you know this is all predestined, so half of this problem you've answered yourself alhumdulillah!

    Also do not associate yourself with the hijabis who have boyfriends, that is between them and Allah, even though I am not justifying it, you have to think about yourself, we will all go to our own graves at the end of the day. Also, don't be worried and think that guys won't choose you if you wear hijab, how can Allah let His slave down when he has obeyed one of his commands? He will not let you suffer and stay alone. There is someone made for everyone, and quite frankly those guys don't deserve someone like you who obeys Allahs command by covering up and wearing hijab, you are worth much more my sister,

    Finally you said about istikhara, Istikhara is not about dreams or feelings, if anything those dreams and feeling will be naturally biased towards what we would like to happen. Keep making istikhara but if it meant to be things will fall into place, if it is not good for you, you will get obstacles in your path.

    Just to summarise, trust in Allah, He said if you take one small step towards Him, He will come running towards you. Allah loves us 70 times more than our own mothers. He will NOT let us fall into disasters, and He will NOT let us destruct ourselves and our hearts. Sister I have been through a similar situation, and I can tell you, once you put all faith into Him, things become so much more peaceful and beautiful, the first step is always the hardest, but even if you fall He will be there to catch you.

    Salaam sis x

  2. Sister,

    I am a simple man, so forgive my simple minded response. My question is always, "Are you on your path?"

    Do you think you are?

    I think Shaytaan is playing with you using your emotions.

    Our emotions are powerful. Allah devised these emotions in his infinite wisdom to help husband and wife stay together even through difficult circumstances. That is the way Allah has planned it.

    However, when you do not follow your path, and get into a haraam relationship. these emotions are still there. In this case, Shaytaan uses them to lead you astray. That is why you have trouble ending this haraam relationship.

    But you know you must get back on your path. That you have tried and failed shows you know what you must do. Immerse yourself in your Islamic community in halaal ways, with sisters who will be there to support you.

    That you are able to form an attachment to someone means you will be able to have a strong marriage. However, if you form too strong a relationship with this man now, it could detract from your future marriage. How would you feel if you found out your husband had strong feelings for a woman from his past? It would hurt. So protect the sanctity of your future marriage by getting back on your path.

    Ask Allah for forgiveness, end this relationship, and resolve never to do this again. Alllah will not erase the consequences of your actions, but he will forgive you for your mis-steps.

    You can do it, for the love of Allah, and for your own future husband.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    I just wanted to comment on this statement.

    "im really confused n i get scared because my male cousin who is not able to get married as he has beard,although he is in a very good position n incomes a lot,religious goodlooking."

    some people say if you keep beard then you will not get married..

    a scholar said in urdu; "a baath itni galat hey k dhadi walon ki shaadiyein nahi hothi, jis molvi ko dekho do-do hothi hey. mai khud aap k samney khada hoon, do hein, teesri ki talaash hey. aur dekhlo meri dhadi (and he shows his long beard. )

    a bath hi galaat hey molvi ki shaadi nahi hoti, abey jitni molvi ki hothi hey uski nahi hothi."

    (i will try to translate in english)

    it is wrong what people say that the bearded men do not get married.
    see a molvi and he has got has 2 - 2 wives. I am standing in front of you, i have 2 wives and i am searching for the third one. and see my beard (and he shows his long beard)

    it is wrong what people say that molvi's do not get married, how many the molvi get married to, (the shaved guys) do not get married.

    {taken from Akhirat ka din by Sheikh Tauseef ur Rahman - youtube(dot)com/watch?v=EMHNDfEUgqA }

    __________________________________

    its up to the muslim women whom they want to marry.
    whether they want to marry someone who leaves his beard following what prophet Muhammed (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) had told him to do or marry a pealed potato.

    Prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trim the moustache and let the beard grow; be different from the Magians (Zoroastrians).” ( Saheeh Muslim )
    It is obligatory upon every Muslim man to leave his beard

    _________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  4. Brother Abdullah really fantastic statement in Urdu, yeah you are right 😉

    • that was by Sheikh Tauseef Ur Rahman (one of my favorite scholar )

      you should listen to his lectures on youtube.

      One of my favourite-> Validain Kay Haqooq(RIghts of the parents) By Shk Tauseef Ur Rehman -
      youtube(dot)com/watch?v=kBG7rCTTllk [replace in the link(dot) by . and paste and search in your browser]

      _________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  5. Before the post has been published.I have splitted from him.I don't kno how I have done it.ALLAH strengthen my heart with out I even realizing it.but I fear I'll bump to him again n displease ALLAH.I also cannot concentrate on my salah n have become very lazy n waste time especially watching tv.my ays aren't that productive.I kno ALLAH is near but I cant feel him.I talk to myself ..I don't know what I'm doing.I alao become iiratated very quickly n misbehave Antibes which I don't want to do...

  6. @emma -

    barakAllahu feek.
    Well done sister that you split with him.

    Remember that this life is temporary. Pleasing Allah is more important than pleasing ourselves.

    and Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

    you need to fear Allah.
    ask that guy to fear Allah if he tries to contact you again.

    u said "i see many hijabi girls having bf i then think 'no its just ok with me having my bf"
    if those hijabi girls are in a relationship with a non mahram, doing things which they should not be doing outside marriage then that is haraam. Their actions does not make something haraam halaal.

    Look at the practicing Muslims, do not look at the one's who are taking deen lightly.
    Be in good company of friends who are religiously committed.

    Start preparing yourself for the life after death. You should focus on learning more about Islam from authentic sources and start practicing it. a link for you -> abdurrahman(dot)org/
    [replace in the link(dot) by . and paste and search in your browser]

    you said " i also did istekhara on whether i should get married to him (even though i cant marry him now)i had 3 dreams which i didnt get the meaning plus as it should make easy for me i didnt feel any positivity or negativity towards him.."

    first of all to do istikhara, do you have a intention to marry him ?
    istikhara does not remove confusion.

    Read this..

    Question 10 (a): ’What should the one making istikhaara[1] prayer say if he has two affairs on the same level and does not have an inclination toward either one, meaning 50-50?’

    Shaykh al-Albaani (rahimahullaah) : ‘What I understand from your question is that he does not have an intention (to do something)[2], therefore there is no istikhaara prayer upon him.’

    Question 10 (a): ‘Is the istikhaara prayer legislated for one who is confused about doing something or is it legislated for one who has made up his mind to do so?’

    Shaykh al-Albaani : ‘No, the istikhaara prayer does not remove confusion. Istikhaara prayer is (done) after a person has made up his mind to do something; so here, you perform istikhaara. Istikhaara prayer is not legislated for removing doubt and uncertainty regarding a matter which the Muslim has not made up his mind about.’

    Question 5 (b): ‘Is the du’aa (supplication) of istikhaara prayer before the tasleem or after it?’
    Shaykh al-Albaani : ‘After the tasleem’

    Question 12 (c): ‘Is it allowed to repeat the istikhaara prayer?’

    Shaykh al-Albaani : ‘It is allowed if his istikhaara prayer was not (performed in the way in which it is) legislated, and it is enough for it to be not legislated that he makes istikhaara to his Lord by (merely) his words, and not by his heart. And he himself is aware of this inattentiveness, so then he is forced to repeat (the istikhaara prayer). As for if he himself did not feel any of that, then he has innovated (if he repeats it).”

    [1] Istikhaara means to seek (from Allaah) that which is best regarding something

    [2] This is in reference to the actual wording of the hadeeth in which the Prophet (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: “If one of you intends to do something, then let him pray two ra’kah, then say [the du’aa of istikhaara]”; Saheeh al-Bukhaari #6382

    Source: Silsilat ul-Hudaa wan Noor – The Series of Guidance and Light -tape no. 206 (a), tape no. 664 (b), tape no. 426 (c)

    _________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • No.I didn't back then I asked ALLAH through istekhara is he right for me or not.

      • what ? i dint understand what you said .. ?

        _________________
        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

        • U on ur above post asked that if I did istekhara because I want to marry him.I replied i didn't kno back then that u do istekhara when u are firm in answers urself n then seek ALLAH's help.I was confused n did istekhara to kno should I stay with him or not.
          Thank u brother for ur time n response.
          I want to ask another question.
          Can I ask ALLAH to guide him?n is it that ALLAH guides only those who ask for guidance themselves?I always ask for guidance n sometimes for others too.I don't kno if it will b accepted or not because I most of the time in Quran read that 'seek guidance' where first person is in action-one is to seek for guidence for himself/herself.please educate me on this.
          Thank u

  7. Salam
    I'm still not over with the problem yet.he came n emotionally said .that it's not possible for him to continue like this.it does make sense breaking someone's heart after staying for a long time with him.he asked me'do u think ALLAH likes it when u break some one's heart when u hurt' -what islam is that?I remained string n answered YES.then he says we can stay friends.we don't do anything physical.I again say no.but don't know y I'm feeling guilty.all of my friends take his sides.I am very lonely at this moment.none but one has been through a Islamic journey like me-I mean we changed gradually.plz comment n help me.I trapped in an emotional net.friends say I'll regret this decision.they all say I can stay as I do nothing physical,absolutely nothing.what should I do.has anyone here been in same situation like me.-broke up n the other partner came n said emotional stuff.should I b friends with him.he says if we can dont stay friends,how can we have feelings for each other n then marry.I don't kno what to do I again refused.he got up n said-I told u so-n honey ur going to regret n miss me.he is a different person-out of the world n I mite not get a person like him.all those thing got me thinking n I don't know what to do.plz plz help

    • emma-

      Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

      sister, ask yourself do you want to please yourself by displeasing Allah.

      That guy needs to learn about Islam and start practicing it. He may commit sin and he may let you also be part of it.
      you said "he is a different person-out of the world n I mite not get a person like him." <- could be the whispers of the shaitan.
      How many of them may have felt that they have found someone who is out of the box and then later learnt a hard lesson?
      By the way, how is his religious commitment and character ? Do you think in future if you marry him he will give you your rights ? will he be a good husband.
      Marriage is not a joke.

      Do not let yourself fall into the traps of the shaitan.
      shaitan may not come and tell you- go and commit zina directly. But slowly he will put his traps, one after another until your life will be ruined.

      So save yourself right now.

      What if you continued into this haraam relationship thinking you are strong enough and end up into committing zina ? have you not seen/read stories where women who had boy friends ended committing zina and some even became pregnant .

      Dont you want to learn a lesson from them ?

      Shaytaan is always keen to tempt people and make them commit haraam deeds. For this reason, Allaah warned us (interpretation of the meaning):

      “O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan. And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan, then, verily he commands al-fahshaa’ (indecency) and al-munkar (evil deeds) . . .” [al-Noor 24:21]

      You should cut all contacts with him. Do not let him even come close to you even if it is painful. Remember that you will be doing this for the sake of Allah.
      Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

      And you should also change the bad company of your friends.

      Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Friends on that Day will be foes one to another, except al-muttaqoon (the pious).” [al-Zukhruf 43:67]

      Bad friends will curse one another on the Day of Judgement.
      So make friends with sisters who are religiously committed.
      And focus more on learning and practicing Islam.
      _________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  8. Sister,

    Remember, Allah knows best. And in your heart you know what is right, too.

    Keep on your path, your walk with Allah guiding you. Allah would rather you stay on your path. And Allah would rather your friend stay on his path. The hurt is a consequence of YOUR actions. Allah gave you a free will, and you chose to do something haraam. This hurt is not Allah's choice, it is the result of your choices.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Assalam'alaykum sis Emma,

    Good to hear that you have left your boyfriend and you also asked about asking Allah to guide "someone". Is that 'someone' the man you've dated ? If yes, then you can ask Allah to guide not only him but the rest of the ummah who are in the wrong path and also ask Allah to guide you as you really need guidance. Now, this is not magic, you must follow Allah's law to be guided as Allah said that He sent the Quran as a book of guidance for those who follow. Allah also said that He will not change a person's condition untill that person changes his heart. So by following the limits, rules, regulations of Islam, rest assured you are guided insha'Allah.

    Secondly, you must think of yourself first before thinking to guide others, you need to repent for the sins you've committed. Death may knock anytime, imagine dying when you are talking on the phone with a stranger man, that would be your state on the day of judgement. One of the condition of repentance to be accepted is that you should regret the shamefull deeds and never get back to it but in your post you said that, you still talk to that non mahram man, so basically, if you havn't stopped sinning, then your repentance would be of no use as Allah said that those who are persistent in sinning, their repentance is of no use. Take heed sis and stop it completely. Change your number etc and don't keep in touch with that man. Yes, easier said than done, also know that, it is easier to enter hell and extremely difficult to enter paradise. Make a choice.

    Thirdly, you seem to have evil friends who gives you evil advises, so know that, those friends of your are openly commiting sins and they are satan allies, satan will only want more and more people to follow him to hell and so he and his people will advise unIslamic advises. Allah ordered you to never take satan as your allies and never follow his footsteps.
    Falling into peer pressure to commit sins and disobey Allah is terrible. Just imagine what would your fate be, should you continue to follow them. Take heed.

    Fourthly, you said that you wear hijab and in your muslim country, hijabis are frowned upon? People with beard are also frowned ? And non hijabi etc are followed ?

    Know one thing that, prophet said that Islam will become strange in the future and so good news to the stranger (stranger are those who follow Islam like totally) and those who do not follow Islam in its whole are only inviting Allah's anger, curse and spreading fitnah.

    Last I remembered was that you live in Bangladesh, if yes, then you are wrong that hijabi and beardi are looked down in the society. Bangladesh has a population of 90 percent muslim and every corner you go, so see hijabi and beardi and they are respected (are you following the new movement 'hifazat e Islam(protect Islam) in bangladesh' ? Didn't you see what they are doing for Islam ? They are aginst the atheist bloggers who are insulting Isam, Allah and His prophet. They took the streets in 'long march' and they all have beards masha'Allah and the whole world supported them) and generally, when a man wants to marry, he asks for a hijabi woman. But only the play boy on the streets are looking for woman without hijab and play with them. Unless if you are sorrounded by atheist awami leagues who hate jamaat Islami and shibir and hifazat e Islam (thats purely politics).

    You asked in your post that, if its fine to be with your bf though you are not intimate with him etc, then know that it is haram. In the future, would you let your 18-19 years old to stay with a non mahram stranger unmarried ? Sane 'human' would say, NO. You need to change your friends and make new pious muslimah friends as obviously you are influecned by your friends who are evil people. Our prophet said that we are influenced by our friends and so we should be careful in choosing them. In a hadith, it is also said that, those who are persistent in sinning, they would loose their sense of reasoning as obviously the wrong doers are cursed by Allah and if Allah curses someone, then he or she receives no blessing, guidance etc untill that person changes his state of heart. This is what you're experiancing now but only with Allah's help you can get out of your fantasy world.

    Lastly, FEAR AND OBEY ALLAH. Do your religious duty, start repenting by stopping all shamefull deeds, read Quran, do zikr, keep yourself busy, focus on your education and have patience.

    You don't need to fear if you will be married to pious man or not later. The man you've dated is certainly not pious. And so just purify yourself with constant tawbah and work on being a good, righteous muslimah to get a good and righteous muslim man as Allah said that good men are for good women.

    • Thank u for ur reply:)..but if u don't mind I'd like to tell u something about jamat Shibir n hefazat e islam in bangladesghefazat e islam is banned in Bangladesh .because they manipulate the minds of uneducated teenage or young men.n keep them away from real islam.they kill people.an atheist blogger who provoked them.5 student were in my uni.did Abu Bakr siddiqui(ra) kill Abu jahl despite the insult he made towards Muhammad(saw)?educatef lecturers scholars are against such actions. N ALLAH wulill see to it.no.plus such jamaat create dispute in land.which ALLAH prohibited in Quran.some jamaat Shibir threatened to kill 10 Sufis in Bangladesh.how r they following Islam? not saying all jamat ppl r bad.there r some really good ppl. N also I'm not saying the govt is good.awamileague are Muslims as well.But from tip to toe every political party are CORRUPTED.I'm not say the rally they made was bad.it was for good cause.wanting a shariah based country.but some later killed ppl who supported the independebce of Bangladesh there is black sheep in every community.h.even if Bangladesh is Muslim country.many are non practicing n without knowledge so that makes hard when some one actually start changing coming out from dark-like me.plus many Huzur (people who we call who teach arabic)deviate as they themselves have no knowledge.the education level in madrasa here in Bangladesh.I don't know where the country is going.such vilest action r not present in turkey or malaysia as there education level is higher comparatively to other Islamic countries.-compared in violence ,knowledge.women rights e etc in islam

      Thank u again

      • Below information is extremely important for those who support an unislamic government and they have to educate themselves of Islamic teachings so that they wont be ignorant or fall in grave sins. Many muslims are oblivious to the fact that Islam abhors racism, ethnicism, tribalism, and its newer version, nationalism.

        hefazat e islam is banned in Bangladesh .because they manipulate the minds of uneducated teenage or young men.n keep them away from real islam

        Nope, Hifazat e Islam is not banned in Bangladesh. All my friends went to long march and the next long march will be on 5th may insha'Allah. I support the hifazat e islam, jamaat and shibir as well being a muslim. The awami government plan to ban jamaat and Islami as obviously the government are anti Islamic, but this time won't come insha'Allah. The aim of hifazat e Islam are 13 demans for now, few are- to punish those atheist bloggers who insult Allah, islam and prophet, they want foreign culture to leave bangladesh, they want to ban the intermingling of non mahrams men and women (many people are against this lol, even though it being sharia rule), they want to re-store Allah's name in the constitution etc etc basically to save Islam. I don't know how is it keeping them away from islam.

        they kill people.an atheist blogger who provoked them.5 student were in my uni.did Abu Bakr siddiqui(ra) kill Abu jahl despite the insult he made towards Muhammad(saw)?educatef lecturers scholars are against such actions.

        Firstly I personally know one of those 5 men who are studying in north south university. The athiest blogger didn't provoke them but provoked the whole muslims in the world, many hindus and atheist began to blog insulting Islam and so these brave 5 men took it upon themselves to stop and evil action using their hand as is the rule of sharia. Do you want to know what they blog ? watch this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Hr-9DRuU8ak ( they insulted islam so much and one of them said, if Allah would come to earth, we would hang Allah also. etc audhubillah astaghfirullah)

        The ruling for whoever insults Islam should be excecuted according to sharia. Don't you know who killed the enemy of Islam 'Abu Jahl ' for insulting prophet ? Basically, 3 sahabas (Mu'adh ibn afra, Mu'adh ibn amr ibn jamuh and Ibn Masuud) shared the honor to kill him, proof,

        It has been Narrated Abdul Rahman ibn Auf, 'i was aligned in the ranks on the day of badr, when i looked towards my right and left I saw two young boys of the Ansar, and i thought i was stronger than them. One of them surprised me saying,'O Uncle ! Do you know Abu jahl ?' I said,' yes, what do you want from him, my nephew ? He said,' i have been told that he insults the Messenger of God, by He in whose Hands my life is, if i should see him, i will not leave his body until one of us meets his fate.'. I was astounded at his speech, then the other boy surprised me by saying the same as the other had said. After some time i saw Abu jahl walking among the people. I said to the boys,'look ! There is the man you enquired about.'. So both of them set upon him with their swords and struck him untill he died (One of the boy's hand was slain, the hand was dangling so he used his feet to step on the dangling hand and he forcefully removed the hand so that it won't cause him problem in killing Abu jahl). So both of them set upon him with with swords and struck him until he died and then returned to the Prophet (P.B.U.H) to tell him about it. The Prophet said,'which one of you killed him?' they both said 'i killed him'. The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said,'have you cleansed your swords ?' they said,'NO'. He looked at their swords and said, 'indeed you have both killed him and the spoils of the deceased will be given to mu'adh ibn Amr ibn jamuh. The two boys were mu'adh ibn afra and Mu'adh ibn amr ibn jamuh'' (Sahih Muslim)

        It has been narrated on the authority of Anas b. Malik that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said (after the encounter at Badr): Who will ascertain for us what has happened to Abu Jahl? Ibn Mas'ud went (to gather this information). He found that the two sons of 'Afra' had struck him and he lay cold at the point of death. He caught him by his beard and said: Art thou Abu Jahl? He said: is there anybody superior to the person you have killed, or (he said) his people have killed him. Ibn Mas'ud says that, according to Abu Mijlaz, Abu Jahl said: Alas! a person other than a farmer would have killed me. (Book #019, Hadith #4434)

        About the 'Ruling on one who insults the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)' - http://islamqa.info/en/ref/22809

        plus such jamaat create dispute in land.which ALLAH prohibited in Quran.some jamaat Shibir threatened to kill 10 Sufis in Bangladesh.how r they following Islam?

        Only Allah knows who creates disputes and who don't as always the awami league is in power and they have played sec-ops in the pasts. They create trouble and blame jamaat and shibir and it is possible that some jamaat and shibir are bad apples.

        But from tip to toe every political party are CORRUPTED

        Hifazat e Islam is not a political party.

        How are the awami league muslim ?, the head of awami league hasina wants bangladesh to be a secular nation with no Islamic interference whatsoever. Shaykh Uthaymeen said about man-made laws and ruling by them: “This is the worst, the most obvious and comprehensive opposition to sharee‘ah and rejection of Allaah’s laws. This is competing with Allaah and His Messenger, contradicting His laws in their preparation, support, structure, ruling and references.Shaykh Uthaymeen ponits out what constitutes KUFR,

        (1) Ruling by other than that which Allaah has revealed.

        (2) Denying the right of Allaah and His Messenger to rule.

        (3) Preferring the rule of falsehood to the rule of Allaah, whether this is complete or only in a few matters.

        (4) Regarding the rule of Allaah and the rule of falsehood as equal.

        (5) Thinking that it is permissible to rule by something that contradicts what Allaah has revealed, or believing that ruling by what Allaah has revealed is not obligatory or is optional.

        (6) Refusing to rule by what Allaah has revealed.
        ---Taken from ‘al-Qawl al-Mufeed `alaa, Kitaab at-Tawheed’ [2/263-269]

        Just imagine a country with 90 plus percent muslim population and the government has no islamic laws in it. how sad. The mukhti bahini (freedom fighter) died a death of jahiliya as they fought for the nation and not for Islam. Those who support the awami league are supporting nationalism and secularism and not islamism unlike Jamaat Islami, shibir and non political party hifazat e islam.

        You may ask me, what is wrong with being a nationalist and supporting a secular bangladseh.

        Our prophet said "He is not one us who calls for `nationalism/tribalism' or who fights for `nationalism/tribalism' or who dies for `nationalism/tribalism' ".(Abu Dawood) Subhana'Allah. also the Prophet said “Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa’ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for ‘nationalism/tribalism' , or calling to ‘nationalism/tribalism' , or assisting ‘nationalism/tribalism' , then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah." (Abu Dawood)

        In Bangladesh the awami league supporters are agaisnt the Jamaat Islami , Shibr and hifazat, when clearly Jamaat's ideology is Islamism and awami league's ideology is secularism, nationalism etc. One can decide now who is right and who is wrong.

        According to sharia, Its fard al ayn (personal obligation) to learn about Islam. So we all must strive to do it. so that we wont fall into ignorance.

  10. Okay sister, I've read you post and I'd like to share my opinion.

    No.1
    Let me clear out a misconception as i wear hijab n here in my country though a muslim country guys normally choose/prefer non-hijabi girls because they are attractive or may think I as hijabi am veryangry/fanatic/extremist/lifeless THIS IS NOT TRUE. Who told you muslim guys don't like 'hijabis'. In fact what is there NOT to like? Okay is there something even to 'like' or 'not like'. This is what Allah has orderd, so it must carried out.

    And what "muslim man" dares to like/dislike what Allah has commanded? Who cares about these men? Who judges in this manner?!

    Oh sister, please, I beg you don't think this way.

    No.2
    so i keep on thinking that i stick to my bf as who will really marry me Sister do you know that, in Earth, there is 'not a leaf that falls and Allah does not know'.

    You 'keep thinking' but Allah knows. He knows what will happen to both of you.

    No.3

    had several fights with him because i dont want to stay with him BECAUSE its a haram relationship.

    but no matter what he wants to stick to me n eventually im not strong enough to let him go n we end up staying together

    it's any way possible or Allah will cosider this relationship as we love each other too much n dont commit any sexual acts plus we want marry each other,

    .but everytime i get in relationship wit him again i start thinking it's wrong,haram but during leaving him i just become so emotional,i feel like a hypocrite

    Allah gives me so many Chances to let go of this relation in some way(i think) but i just dont utilize it. n then again i fell Allah gives me chance to stay with him.i dont know what im doing.at this point im loosing my sanity

    Oh sister, reading these particular lines, tears came to my eyes. THIS WAS ME TWO YEARS BACK. And I am particularly answering this question because I can somewhat feel what you are going through.

    Sister I'm going to type what I know now, because I've learnt my lesson.

    1. When you guys are together, alone, Shaitaan is the 3rd person. Let me tell you if you don't turn back to Allah (pray to him ask for his Protection/Guidance) you can't escape the grip of Shaitaan. You might not realize it, but doing something haram (like being in a relationship) weakens your iman, you deviates you from the right path. It does. Please sister, I beg you to trust me.

    2. Sister I've broken up so many times because I was as hell as confused like you. Allah gave me so many chances to return to him as well (he still does!) And I know the insecurity/the hypocrisy and the restlessness and the confusion you are facing.

    Sister, don't give up. You may feel like a hypocrite but you are still winning in my eyes. You are winning because when you make this post in this website, you are looking for help and I KNOW you will escape this mess because you are trying hard. And I will pray for you.

    3. Let me try to 'bullet points' your feelings:
    * You have several fights.
    * You break up but then patch up again.
    * As a result you feel like a hypocrite.
    * You think Allah is giving you chance again and again but you can't accept that chance.
    * You are confused.
    * You are going insane.
    * You 'think' you will marry this guy.

    Allow me to cut the last bullet points. Only Allah knows who you will marry. If you want to marry this guy, follow the steps below:
    1. Break up 2. Repent 3. Pray 4. Put your trust in Allah
    EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE.

    Sister I know the viscous cycle of the first 4 bullet points like I've mentioned.

    I will remind you of a powerful Dua:
    La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntum minaz zwalimin.

    Pray this dua and break up. There's no other way. All the feelings you are feeling for your boyfriend is haram. You can make this hala once you break up, repent, pray and trust Allah that you guys will get married. IF the guy is sincere enough, he will wait for you and ask for your hand to your parents.

    Sister, Allah loves you. Allah loves me. YOU DON'T want to make Him Angry. You DON'T wish for his anger.

    Sister, can you 'love your boyfriend' in front of your parents? Do you feel ashamed at the thought? DO you think you are letting your parents down? They love you so much and how could you do that to them?

    Do you know Allah loves you even more? How could you make Allah angry and please Shaitaan? Something that you can't do infront of your parents surely you can't do it in front of Allah! And He sees you all the time!

    Do you know that in the Day of Judgement, you will be asked out to read out your own sins infront of everybody? Does it scare you?

    A good sister gotta do what she gotta do.

    You are struggling and Allah WILL reward you if you can make something good out of the struggle- like go back to Him.

    I will pray for you the first chance I get.

    Just do the right thing. Best of luck.

    (When I was typing this answer I didn't read the previous comments but now I know that I did, after typing all these -_-, I realized that things has'developed' and you are in a far better state. But since I've written all these, I'll post it anyways. May Allah help us.)

    • @A_ROZA and @PEPPER when u two both replied saying u had the same experience n have give me ideas what to do i was really glad that some 1 here understand what im going through,its really easy to move on if the other partner leaves u or betrays u.(as said by sister PEPPER)..its really true.i left him n im dying inside..i said i have gain strenght in my above post sometimes i feel i did but sometimes i get really weak..
      i feel empty a lot of times..i'm still not in sense after the break up.i feel like calling him,talking tothamk i him but i stop myself..
      thank u for ther much needed wise advices sisters:)
      i dont know how i should utilize my time to keep me busy

      • salaam,
        even i'm facing the same problem, i'm still in contact with my boyfrnd . i told him several times to leave me forget me because its haraam in islam but he says he cannot live without me even i have the same feelings towards him. i love him. after i said him all that we have to stay away from each other he talked about this to his friends and said that if you have niyath of marrying each other then we can talk to each other but i know this is not applicable in the case where there is still a lot of time in getting married . telling him again and again to leave me is not possible for me so i decided that i will suddenly stop talking to him and i'll cut all my contacts with him so that i can leave him and follow the right path . but not talking him means only hurting him. but i have to do so for the sake of islam and allah talah. even now just before i saw this post i was talking to him online explaining him to stop all this.. he's not ready to listen so i decided that hurting him and leaving him is the only way. but stopping the talk with him wont end the feelings in me for him. so i thought that i'll be praying to allah to forgive my mistakes and also to make me his wife in future with no sins and mistakes but with all good deeds

  11. Sister Emma,

    Your story has touched my heart because not only is it so similar to my own story but that my name is also Emma :). I want to start off with saying may Allah give you the strength to get past this because I know first hand how it feels to be the one who has to break off a relationship with someone who "loves" me. It is much more different than someone rejecting you and breaking up with you, then you have no choice BUT to move on. You my dear, had a choice and by deciding to break it off because of Allah's sake will be one of the best decision you have made and I tell this to you by personal experience.

    I went through this and got over it because of one thing that was stuck in my mind. If Allah clearly wants us Muslim women to be with Muslim men then we are not meant to be with the non Muslim men. Simple as that. As much as we think he is our soulmate, Allah is the One who decides who our true "soul mate" is. This does not mean that we have absolutely no choice in who we want to be with but the problem is that in our life time we can want to be with many different types of men. In short we have the ability to fall in love with just about any man we are interested in and take the time to know them but this does not mean that they all will be the "one" for us. This is the reason why people are so in love when they first marry that they swear that they found their true love only to divorce later on but find a better type of love in their second (or third, etc.) marriages.

    Cut off all contact with him. This is the absolute crucial part in getting over someone. I don't know if you can even get over him if you still continue to speak to him because it certainly didn't work for me. I managed to stay "in contact" with him for 1 year (by random texts) but always wondered why I still had feelings for him and why it took so long to get over him. When I cut off the contact completely (no cheating, make sure you really do it) it made a really big difference. Soon I started to get closer to Allah by reeducating myself about Islam, started getting new hobbies, going to school, working, making new good female friends, basically just living my life and soon I just forgot all about him. Completely. Still to this day I am shocked as to how much I loved him because I can't even remember or feel the feelings I used to feel for him.

    InshAllah this will happen to you too but you need some time to get closer to Allah. When obstacles like this happen you either get closer to Him or get further away from Him, stay as close to Him as you possibly can because what you did was you developed and unhealthy attachment towards the man you love (who is a human being) and any attachment that you have towards anyone or anything that is a creation will give you intense pain when it is gone. Get attached to Allah because this way you are attached to the One who never dies. Your love will never die.

    As for guidance, you can always ask for Allah to guide him. I remembered the countless times I asked for my former love to be guided but it all depends on whether the person wants to be guided or not but most importantly who Allah chooses to be guided. Being a Muslim is very very special, do you know from how many people in this world, past, present and future have been misguided or not guided at all and yet Allah has guided you out of everyone who is lost (may Allah guide them as well) don't throw this away for any man. Hold on to your faith tightly because it is better to lose him and suffer temporary pain (because we both can agree that death will eventually come to us all) or lose Him and suffer eternal pain. Ultimately you make that choice.

    Here is a verse from the Quran I would like you to reflect on:

    Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 28 Surah Qasas verse 56:

    You cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whomever He Pleases. And He best knows those who would accept guidance.

    Bottom line: Yes you will get over it. People go through these things on a daily basis but they continue living their lives because life just goes on whether you want to stop moving or not. But you have to do your part, you have to stop talking to him completely, you have to ignore him when he comes to you, you have to do what you have to do and do it all for Allah only. Whenever you feel like it is too much, just jump onto your bed and cry. It makes me feel better maybe it will make you feel better too maybe. When you feel like the temptation is too much just say "Allahu Akabar" (Allah is greater) and immediately focus on something else. Whenever you think about him replace the memory or thought with something positive so later on your mind will automatically switch to something else when you hear his name or think about him randomly. Anything positive and halal you can do, just do it, learn something new, learn a new language, anything that will keep you busy, of course keep on praying and doing the voluntary fasts as well! When your life is busy and your life is fun you won't want situations like this in your life anymore.

    Maybe you will learn something from this experience. One thing I learned is never get involved with a non Muslim man (even a Muslim man before marriage) from the start and whenever my Muslim friends get too comfortable with their friend I remind them of the situation I put myself in and pray they don't get into the same thing and end up making the other decision I didn't make (may Allah forgive me and prevent this from happening to them and all Muslims) and this has also increased my confidence so whenever a non Muslim man approaches me I let them know straight away that I can not date or socialize with them. They don't understand and they will say things that may hurt a little but I let them know that I am firm in my decision and won't make the same mistake twice.

    May Allah make it easy for you and all my Muslim brothers and sisters. May Allah guide all of those who have not been guided and are lost and may Allah give us all wonderful spouses who will fulfill our need of being in a loving and peaceful marriage. Ameen.

    • We don't know each other, but I cannot thank you enough for your post above.

      Two months ago I broke off a similar relationship after 4 years of being together. The break up was lingering for about a year, but I somehow mustered up the courage to end it. I felt great for a month, not feeling any sadness or pain at all, knowing I was doing this for Allah. But in the last few weeks, I've been really really down and the worst I've ever felt. I don't know why but it suddenly hit me that it's over and it really hurt. But what you wrote reminded me why I ended things and that reason is so important. Thank you Sister 🙂

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