Married but pregnant by Christian boyfriend.
I was married for 9month but It didn't work out so we deciced to get divorced. We didn't get married Islamically and according to the UK law we have to wait one year before we get divorced. We have both moved on then I went back with my ex boyfriend but he never treated me right and used to always use to hurt so he leaves me.
So then I decided to move on. About 4month ago I meet this guy through my friend. We started to date and we got together and we both really like each other. He was Christan and I am Muslim. I did tell him I wont have sex with him and he was ok with it. One day we just had sex and I got pregnant. I didn't know I was till last week Monday I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was crying and shaking. And I rememeber saying to the nurse I wanna have an abortion.
When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he said whatever you want I will be with you. Then he said if you keep the baby it will be christan and will also have christan name. I was soo angry and I refused then he said the best thing to do is have an abortion. Few days later he said keep the baby I will do anything for the baby. I didn't understand why he changed his mind. I am a girl who wear hijab and always prayed 5times a day and fast every Monday and Thursdays.
When ever am with him I take my hijabb off astaghfirallah. I know to have an abortion is haram and you killing a baby. I can feel my baby growing inside me and that makes me happy and sad cause I will have an abortion. Telling my family am pregnant they will kill me. Am soooo scared of Allah, if I have an abortion He will punish me I don't know what to do please please give me advise
jazkuallah kir
- rehame
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Salam Alaykom Sister,
You are in a very difficult situation. However, I do not think abortion is the answer at all!!! You say you wear hijab, and pray 5 times a day and fast yet you had relations a man who is not your husband. This in its self is a sin! You must ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness and leave it in his hands. I understand that you are scared and confused sister but taking away a life (your baby) that you are blessed with during a time of weakness is surely not the answer! If you feel that you cannot go to your parents then seek help from an alternative source. Someone you can trust.
However, an abortion would not be the right thing to do for it was your conscious choice to have a relationship with this man and have sexual relations, you knew the potential consequences. I do not mean to come across so harsh but you are of age and knowledge to understand and know the potential outcomes of such situations, and destroying a life would be a sin!! No matter the situation, life is a blessing and therefore your baby is a blessing!!!
Continue your prayers and refrain from doing haram things. You have made mistakes and insha'Allah learned from them. Now you must take this situation and do what is right. You must make peace with Allah (SWT), your self, and insha'Allah your family.
I wish you all the best sister and will make du'ah for you, start fresh from here on and do what is right. May Allah (SWT) guide you!
Salams
I really can't decide after reading this whether this question is real or not ..............
I also don't know what to say but nevertheless I'll pray and hope that may ALLAH show you the right path .
Sister rehame, As-salamu alaykum,
I hardly know where to start, I am speechless. Your behavior has consisted of one disastrous decision after another. You never explained why you did not get married Islamically, why you got divorced after only 9 months, except that "it did not work out." Then you went back to an abusive boyfriend. Then you hooked up with a Christian man. You say you wear hijab and pray, but what meaning does that have when you are willing to take off your clothes and commit zinaa with a man? You say you are scared of Allah to have an abortion, why were you not scared of Allah to date a Christian man and commit zinaa?
Before anything else sister, take stock of your life. Ask yourself why you have been making these desperate and foolish choices. You need to search within yourself and find out who you are as a human being and a Muslim. Turn to Allah and ask His help, not just going through empty rituals with no spirit behind them, but sincerely, pleading to Him, asking Him for forgiveness for your sins, and guidance for the future.
As you know, abortion is haram in Islam. And you said you can feel the baby growing inside you, clearly you have already developed an emotional bond with the baby. To abort it would just be another psychological scar for you to deal with.
You said your family will kill you if you tell them. If you mean this literally, then obviously you should not tell them. Protect yourself, establish some distance from your family, even change your address and phone number if necessary.
This is a very tough situation. My first recommendation is that you ask the Christian boyfriend to become Muslim and marry you. Of course before you do that, make sure your divorce is finalized.
If he refuses, then you will have to raise this baby on your own. Perhaps you can get some government assistance. Maybe in the future you will find a Muslim man who will be willing to accept this situation and take you as a wife, Allah knows.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Excellent advice from wael. . . . . I suggest u look into what wael advice u, as it will solve ur problem and make u feel relief to some extend
salam sister rehame
Like brother Wael I'm really confused about the mess you're in. Maybe you can write back and explain your situation in a bit more detail. How old are sister? Do your parents know of your marriage that has now ended?
I'm assuming they do not know of your current boyfriend???
My suggestion to you sister is forget about abortion- period. The next is to invite your boyfriend to Islam and ask him if he would marry you, if yes then you will have to get your family involved, perhaps start by telling somone you trust, like a sister, aunt etc. If he is not interested then move away from your boyfriend, keep no contact with him what so ever , essentially that means end all relations with him. when the baby is born of course he, as the father has the right to see the baby., but you must endveour to bring up this baby as a Muslim.
i don't know how you got yourself into this mess sister but she cannot carry on like this, i have a feeling that you have only stopped to think about your mistakes becasue your are in trouble (pregnant) otherwise you would have carried on in this way. Strange how abortion comes to mind as soon as the evidence of our sin appears, its like wasting a human life will wipe away the sin, that my sister is delusion and even if you kill your baby, your sin of zina will forever sit on your consious, it will be written in your book of deeds for eternity and you will have to answer for it. So start by ending this sin and then seek repentence. Your sincere repentence will ease your anxiety, God will forgive you and you will find resolution to your problems.
Please sister, listen to your heart, it is crying out for respite, go to your local mosque to weep for forgivness, meet up with other sisters and share your pain with them. I also think that you may need counselling becasue it seems you are fearful of being alone and constantly seek male company. Give your self a break- reflect on your life- it could all end in a matter of seconds- so please step away from this mess and calm yourself, plan, think objectively.
May Allah resolve your problems.
salam alykoum,
I married my cousin but it didn't work out cause him and mother didn't get on and other things. am 20 years old. I did ask him to convert to Islam but he refused. If I did keep this baby, am worried if something happen to my mum as she got hurt problems. If my brother found out he get a gun and shoot me. I live with my family, everybody makes mistakes and I made a HUGE mistake. If i keep the baby I would lose my family and I love them tooo much. I know to have an abortion will affect me. the father of the baby thinks I should get rid of it. am not getting no support from no one I don't know what to do. If i keep the baby would my family forgive me and speak to me one day. it's very very hard. am soo upset and angry with my self.
Thanks for all your advise
Rehame,
- Which country do you live in? You will be able to find support in women's shelters etc.
- Do you know of any imam's in your area? Scholars have differing opinions on abortion depending on the length of the pregnancy.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My dear sister, thank you for replying back. As I imagined you are quite young. OK, if the father of the baby is not interested in islam then please please leave him and repent for your sins.
Like sisterZ I suggest you speak to a Womens shelter and your doctor as well as speaking to an imam, explain your situation and see what his opinion is. SisterZ is right scholars do have differing opinions about abortions and if what you say about your life being in danger if your family found out then seek all the possible avenues and hold off from telling them just yet.
Again I insist that you keep away from your boyfriend- close that chapter of your life sister.
Take care
Rehame
It was and still is awful
It will kill you inside.
At least the father of your baby even as a Christian man has some laurels and said he will do anything that you dont abort. If he means what he says tell him to revert to Islam and marry you.
Ya rab he agrees (this is where I pray that Allah helps you)
Yes of course what you did was wrong and haram and you are in a predicament with your family and he is Christian.
All the men and women reading these posts, take heed and practice Islam properly don't place yourselves and innocent people in such awful circumstances.
To all the youth whom live carelessly and practice adultery it is HARAM for a reason and as you can see by these posts why two sit alone and the 3rd is shaitan.
Islam is a way of life to protect us, protect our humanity and dignity. The hejab we wear isnt just a cloth we remove when no one watches, the hejab is a frame of mind aswell it is a reminder to ourselves and others to resepect our chastity , that we not be exploited.
I have a gut feeling you have repented. But abortion is something you cannot repent.
It will tear your soul to pieces
No one knows this except those whom have experienced it....The pain doesnt end, it eats you over and over.
The child is innocent and you will raise it Muslim. If this man is a devout Christian then his heart will recognize Islam when he is introduced to it through you.
All writers whom post or read here that are based in the UK please help her find a Imam to guide her husband to Islam. When he becomes muslim and you both marry, consider 3/4s of your family problem solved.
Even if he wont, there must be another way to save the child.
Swallow the pain you will go through now, it wont be easy, but it wont be forever
There was a woman whom had commited adultery and was also pregnant, she went to Rassoul Allah Sayidna Mohammed pbuh and told him she wants to have her punishment (stoning to death)
The Prophet pbuh showed both mercy and wisdom, he offered her a chance to recondsider her punishment and perhaps to live. So he said go and deliver the baby then if you still want to come back
She delivered the baby and returned insisting on her punishment of death.
The merciful Prophet said go and breastfeed your baby for two years and if you still insist on receiving your punishment in life return then.
She went for two years and breast fed her child (can you imagine how she had become attached to her 2 yr old baby?) Yet her resolve was to have her sins cleansed in life.
So when she returned this time she was stoned at her own insistance.
The prophet said , you see this woman? Her repentance is so great it is bigger than that of all man kind
I may have gotten some points wrong, but this is the general just of this true story.
Rehame....Notice the baby wasnt punished nor executed with its mother.
Islam is rehma 'mercy' and you and your child need mercy, I hope and pray that Allah guides you to doors that open mercy for you both to live, and the repentance is yours.
Know that if you truly repent from your heart that Gods generosity is so great he will change your sins into deeds!
Allah swt takes pride in his slaves repentance, if Allah will take pride in yours you should remind your family to do the same.
This baby is innocent, please hear me speak on behalf of your voicless baby and mine.
Tell me you cancelled your abortion.
Sister Hafsa am planing to stay away from him and that's what am doing today insallah. I want to go back to my deen I want to be closer to allah swt. I live in London am 6 weeks pregnant. I have tried to contact an Imam but no respond Insallah am planning to go Mosque and speak to an Imam. I know it is soo haram but am having an abortion on Monday may allah forgive me as well as my baby insallah. make duaa for me and allah knows my intention. This is a big wake up call for me. alhumdallah.
OmDania and wael you both had made me cry soo much but no in bad way. the way i as crying last night and asking for forgivness.
Thank you everyone
You ask for advice, and everyone says to avoid abortion, yet you go do it??? Sister, you live in London, you brother cannot get a gun out and shoot you. there would be too many consequences for him to take that gamble. keep the baby, you don't know what your missing out on!!! that living soul is inside you, and you are not one to deprive life. you cannot predict the future, sure, there will be family consequences and there will be rifts regarding this matter, but all will heal in time Insha Allah! and that child IS you, small, breathing inside and living with you 24/7.
Do not make a rash descision that you will regret!
ok sister. I cannot imagine your anguish but if you have made a decision then no body can get in your way- we each of us here gave advice but only you know what you're going through.
But sister, don't believe that once you have an abortion and your secret remains secret it will be easy. Life could get very hard for you, you will have to be VERY strong and not let the devil take hold of you again.
You said you pray 5 times, you fast on Mondays and Thursday so there is something there sister, work on that and spend time alone.
As a sister I will suggest you listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ejQXZdh-Z4&feature=related and other lectures. You read and learn about Islam. Make friends with pious sisters and get involved in good deeds.
I pray Allah forgives you and guides you. Take care of yourself and your iman.
Rehame,
Below are details for the Shariah Council in Leyton, East London:
Telephone number: 020 8558 0581
Address: 34 Francis Road, Leyton, London, E10 6PW
Website address: http://www.islamic-sharia.org/
If you call them and tell them your situation, they will give you an emergency appointment. Keep calling as they may not answer straight away. Do not be scared to go to them, they are very kind and are not judgemental. They will do whatever they can to help you inshaAllah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam alykoum,
sisterZ thank you very much for the information I will give them a phone call. sis hafsa thank you for the link.
UmmKawthar you story has touch me I would love to meet you if you come. I will cancel it tell I meet you insallah.
I broke up with him yesterday it was hard but i feel better alhumdallah. I spoken to a friend of mine and she said don't listen to people who ask you to have an abortion.
thank u sister
Rehame,
If you cannot get through to them, write back here immediately and I will try to get an emergency appointment for you inshaAllah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu-alaykum,
Dear Sr. UmmKawthar and Rehame,
Firstly, I would like to take the name of Allaah before I speak.
Sr. Rehame you are in a very difficult situation, but as the sister advised, aborting the baby is not the best option or is not always allowed in Islaam except in extreme circumstances.
Sr.UmmKawthar, in regards to the Story of the lady you mentioned, it was close, but as Muslims when we are narrating a story from the Prophet if we are just narrating then we can say the story, but by quoting what the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-wasallam) and quoting incorrectly/or the story incorrectly, then from the words of the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-wasallam) is preparing a person for the hell fire, Allaah save us all from it. (I can provide reference of Hadeeth if necessary. Just thought i'd clear that point). Nevertheless, your advise to the sister is priceless, Masha-Allaah.
Details of an Imaam you can get in touch with to bring the father of the baby to Islaam (If Allaah opens his heart to Islaam). Details can be found at http://www.streathammosque.org on the Homepage, details of Sheikh Mumtaz can be found, who is excellent in helping people find the truth to Islaam. In the meantime, it is imperative you cut all ties from him until marriage is an option, Insha-Allaah. (I'm sure you are aware of the reason/s why). It will be hard, but Allaah will reward for every effort you make, as this shows intention towards regret and repentance.
Thirdly, we can only give advise to a person from an Islamic perspective if we are qualified to do so. Even if a person's situation may seem exactly the same as someone else, we should leave that part to the respected Imaams/Muftis. When we are sick we do not go to the mechanic to ask him whats wrong, similarly in Islaam, we should go to the appropriate person for guidance on Islamic issues. a very handy website, http://www.muftisays.com. May Allaah safeguard and guide us all.
Wassalaam.
Ibn-Ayub.
For the benefit of all readers, The story of the lady who committed adultery and came to the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) to be cleansed is as follows:
A woman came to the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) and said I have committed adultery and I want the punishment of Allaah.
The Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) questioned to see if she is aware of what she accusing herself.
She insisted and she said I am pregnant.
He (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) said then go and take care of your pregnancy. (that is 9 months)
After she delivered she brought the child and she said I am ready I want to be cleansed.
He (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) told her go and breast feed the baby (that is 2 years)
The woman still came back and said the child can now eat food and I am ready for the cleansing. Thereafter, He (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) then prayed over her (dead body). Thereupon Umar (Radiyallaahu-'Anhu) said to him: Allaah's Apostle, you offer prayer for her, whereas she had committed adultery! Thereupon He (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) said: She has made such a repentance that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Madeenah, it would be enough (some narrations also mention all of Madeenah). Have you found any repentance better than this that she sacrificed her life for Allaah, the Majestic? (Full Hadeeth can be found in Saheeh Muslim, Hadeeth: 4207)
Some of the scholars of Hadeeth say, that one of the reasons why the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) kept sending her away (apart from the rights of the child, of being given birth and being nursed by the mother: breastfed, etc) was so that she would just repent to Allaah and possibly not come back to the Prophet (Sallallaahu-'Alayhi-Wasallam) to have the relevant punishment. But she was so sincere in her repentance she kept coming back for her punishment, due to which it was then carried out.
And Allaah knows best.
http://www.muftisays.com
www. al-farooq.com (under re-construction and should be ready soon, Insha-Allaah)
Wassalaam.
Ibn-Ayub
P.S. The woman (from the story above) was from Juhaina.
And Allaah knows best.
Wassalaam.
Ibn-Ayub
http://www.muftisays.com
http://www.al-farooq.com (currently under re-construction - back soon, Insha-Allaah).
As-salaamu 'alaikum sister rehame!
I'd suggest you repent to Allah (SWT) for what you have done. Now that you are pregnant, try to bring that fellow bf of yours to embrace Islam. Still if he refuses not to do so after every lawful ettempt then you certainly cannot force him to accept the deen. Indeed in such situation it is very difficult to know what to do. Moreover on the lines you have mentioned that your family would turn away hence the brother, if they came to know you're pregnant.
OK!
Well if its going to be crying the tears of blood then ASTAGFIRULLAH for me saying so - I'd suggest you get an abortion. After reading the above replies, yes I must say so from what I think some sisters are right trying to advice you from one field to another however, sister like I said so if its going to be crying the tears of blood in them lines, then I'd suggest the abortion.
WHY?
It's very easy to advice someone on alot of things - Sometimes they're in a position where they cannot do anything most likely the cause is they're feeling threatened by their family (I've seen it mostly in asian families). Sister if it is really serious, then anyone in your shoes would go for that option.
Insha'Allah you will make the right choice - May Allah (SWT) help us all nd guide us towards the right path (Amen)
Aisha arent you worried about suggesting that option in case its on your conscious, or worse, to be held accountable for suggesting it in front of Allah.
Although in your defense I know that some imams or muftis may possibly suggest what you did, in light of her situation.
Abortion is inhumane because it rips at the very fabric of our human nature to unrecognisable shreds.
It will change a woman and permanantly break her
Ive managed to describe abortion leaving the mother with an amputated soul. Its barbaric, animals treath themselves with more humanity.
The woman becomes isolated, plus as muslims it is worse because its a crime.
Knowledge is empowering and knowing that you will as a woman post abortion feel completely and irreversibly dehumanized because of it and I dont see this healing or changing, nor do i expect it to, it is a life sentence, the baby and your own life.
There are many victims of abortiom, the 1st being the baby, the second and most lingering; the mother, and then the 3rd victims through her, are her family because theyre left with a shell version of the person as they knew her.
Their mother as they once knew her is dead inside.
Now there are women whom maybe able to walk away from it unscathed, or may heal with time.
About it being halal and haram, I still see it more haram than halal in this girls case, it may depend on how many days gestation.
But regarding your suggestion Aisha, it did cross my mind but I didnt have the guts to suggest what you suggested to the girl.
I pray there are other alternative options for her, If only one could guarantee that she wont suffer reprimands from her family, or if this man would have the basic decency to embrase Islam while he studies it & marry her for enough time for her family to accept her baby, then after some time has passed, if he doesnt want to remain married to her,then good riddance to him, at the very least he wouldnt abandon her to her most difficult circumstance when she needs him the most.
He ought to do it for the sake of the baby he claims to care for..At least i respect in him that he wants the baby to live. He just needs the guidance to understand whats required in her religous & social equation for this to happen and he should comply. Its really not that much to ask for if her truly and really respects and wants the life he created with her.
If not then she may out of fear have it done.
Alhamdulillah. Allahuma Ajerny fee museebaty wa ikhlifly khayrun minha.
Allahuma Aljabbar ijburney.
Assalmu aleykum Sis.
I really feel your pain, and your worry (((hug)) But hun just know that two wrong dont make a right. Try to serach for another option, just as Ummkawther said abortion will rip your soul appart, and i would advise you not to go through with that. Allah is all fogiving, Allah knows best and Allah has your life planned out for you, and as much as you dont like what happened and as much as your family will never accept it just know that this was on the card for you. As long as u understand THIS dealing with the situtation will be more easier. Allah has created this life inside your womb for a reason, so who are you to make a decision if its gonna life or not. Just see it as, that was meant to be. And now it your responsebility to resolve this situation the best way possible according to Islamic rullings.
Just know that your family will not be happy, but eventually they will get round with the situation. Also know that u dont have to keep the baby, would you considered giving the baby away to a muslim family for adoption. I am sure there is alot of musliim couples who are struglling to concive, and would die to have a baby anyday.
Dont think about what people are gonna think of you, this life is short lived, think about hereafter. allthought it might not feel like but u are already a mother now, since the baby is in your womb. So dont be selfish.. and make the right decision pleaseee. sister pleaaaaaaaseee i am begging you
This is why zina is one of the MOST selfish acts if the not THE MOST selfish. You performed an action, threw away your religion/conscious for a few moments of pleasure and the affect was on a kid. I hope you don't give that child's life up, there are options like adoption as well.
How is the initial poster. I had a dream about what happened to your baby it was not good or bad, only what decision you took, and I thought I'd come back and tell you.Sister I hope you do tawbah and sincerely repent and take care of yourself. Often times I realize that an extremely strict upbringing and societal pressure (sometimes aloof of choice) can result in us looking in 'easy' comfort in places we traditionally rejected. The consequences of an extreme emotion like romance can have devestating and long term consequences. I hope you take care of your health, I can't empathize with what you had to go through, just move on with life and get back into the meld of things.
Sister I really hope you are doing fine, and have had someone from this site to confide in and support you. Upon reading all the responses something really disturbed me, you said that you broke up with your boyfriend who got you pregnant and it "was difficult" Again I hope you sincerely repent and learn form your mistakes or all the pain you suffered would be in vain. I don't know what would be so difficult considering such a relationship is 1) haram (Allah SWT's rules, not mine) 2) Is considered zina 3) Was with an IDIOT who could not step up to be a man. It doesn't seem that difficult at all. It's pretty hurtful to say the least that you have any regret about such a hearless and dark hearted man. I feel like there is definitely some sort of emotional issue underpinning a lot of your decisions and stress. From what I understand you are in Britain, would it be possible to visit some free counseling service?