My mother won’t promote the marriage she requested!
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am in love with my cousin. We both deeply love each other, we're together since 2010, and we can't even imagine living without each other.
We want to get married but my mum is too scared to talk to my dad about this. Both of our families know about us except my father. I keep on telling my mum to talk to my dad, but she doesn't and keeps on making excuses and sometimes she just ignores it and walks away when I wanna talk to her about that. I am in this relationship because of my mother, she always told me that she likes my cousin and used to tell me that it's her wish that I get married to him. Now when we love each other and wanna get married, she's not with me and she's not talking to my dad.
I don't wanna delay our marriage anymore. He is a really good guy, a good Muslim. He is the eldest son of my mother's sister and his mother wants us to get married now without any delay. I don't wanna lose him at any cost. He tries to keep me happy in every way Masha Allah. There's no valid reason to say NO to him, he's financially stong Masha Allah, his family is ideal for marriage, andhe doesn't have bad surroundings ie: bad company with friends etc.
I really need your help. Please help me my friends, I don't wanna lose this guy at any cost!
-Kanzii
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Sister,
My advice would be for your cousin to come to your father and ask for your hand in marriage.
Salam
I agree with Najah. Your cousin should ask for your hand formally with his parents present.
The Prophet(sws), said: "There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage." However, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The Prophet(sws) said: "A woman may be sought in marriage either for her beauty, nobility, wealth or religious inclination. Seek the last and you will be the more successful." The same holds for the female in the choice of a partner. http://www.whyquran.com/877/content/view/102/136/
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yes, good advice. I have to add however - and I know this is not a productive comment for this poster, but maybe for others - that I'm disappointed at this ubiquitous practice of marrying first cousins. Why do people do this? It's not haram, but it's unhealthy. It leads to inbreeding, and increases the chance of birth defects in the children. Stop marrying your first cousins, people! Open your eyes and your horizons, there is an entire world around you! Bring in some fresh blood, new ideas, new possibilities!
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Your comment would be thoughtful for others but not me.
Thanks for taking out some time to read my post. I appreciate it!
It's not that easy. His family came over when my dad was out of town, they came to talk about us. My relative was here from canada for a few months with her family, she told my mother to atleast talk to my dad, we wana see his reaction. Everyone sat and explained my mom that you'll have to talk, it's about your childrens future etc. Mom also likes my cousin, infact he's like a son for my mom but she is just too scared of my dad. She is soo scared that when we do lawful thiings, it makes us feel that we're doing something unlawful, mom is just soo scared. I'm worried that her fear will ruin my future forever!
I badly need her to talk to my dad! I can't wait that much, i have to take care of the other family also, and they want our relationship to get official now, even i want that now.
I don't know what to do. I am really worried. My mother isn't taking any step. What do i do ?
Kanzii,
What am I missing here? Why is it that your mum is so fearful of asking your dad? What is there to be afraid of?
Salam
As soon as my mom got married she left pakistan and shifted to america, was also born there, we were there for approx 12 years. When she was newly married her in laws tortured her physically, so did my father in the beginning.
Since then she is really scared. Now we are in pakistan and my dad's whole family is in the Us.
She's even scared that my father will say no for us.
My father doesn't really like my mother's family and keeps a little arrogant and rude behaviour with them. None of my mothers relatives are allowed to cum to our house, we don't really attend occasions that happen in my mothers family because my dad doesn't allow us.
Even though they are the best people and love us more than anything, they are willing to do anything for our happiness!
My dads family is Memon and really bad, mean & selfish plus illiterate. And my mothers family is Syed and educated.
My mother loves my cousin and she also wants us get married but too scared to talk to my dad.
I don't understand what to tell her and how to make her understand that i cannot wait anymore.
My going to be in laws have been waiting for more than two years only because of my mother, but she just gives excuses now. They are really co-operative and nice. They don't want any sort of dowry from me, they just want me to become their daughter in law now and nothing else.
They're only waiting for me because they really love me and willing to do anything for the sake of their son's happiness, otherwise my cousin would've been married till now.
I'm really worried.
I spent my whole life the way my parents wanted, i did everything they told me to do, but now when it's my time, i'm asking my mother to help me in the biggest decision of my life and she's not co-operating. All she needs to do is ask my father about him but she doesn't.
I just don't know what to do, it's just miserable!
Assalamu Alaykum, Sister
My only comment is on your statement "I don't wanna lose this guy at any cost!" Please remember that Allah is first.
I think you are trying to express you devotion and affection for your "boyfriend", but remember Shaytan may hear this and use it against you. Anyway, you cannot have a boyfriend. Just be careful.
And I agree with Najah. You are making this too hard. Just have him ask you father.
- Your Brother
My sister, I should not have used the term boyfriend at all. You are obviously following the halal in this, please accept my apologies for this mischaracterization.
May Allah grant you His best.
Ask the boys father to talk to your father. Leave it to the parents and dont communicate with the boy. Your father will no doubt ask you, just say its true, I want him 🙂
There is so much honour in seeking things the halal way.
My dad has a rude and arrogant behaviour with him. I'm scared that if they meet for this reason, they will end up having a fight with each other.
My cousin's father is really really nice, he takes care of me as his own daughter and says that whatever happens, nothing bad should happen to me and i should be happy. But my dad starts talking loudly and starts shouting and doesn't even listen to what the other person is saying, which no one would like!