My parents do not accept my wish to marry this boy
mother won't agree
Asalamu Aleykum warahmatulahi wabarakatu!
I really need help
I met this Young Muslim guy and we been talking over the phone for a couple of weeks. He asked me if I would like to see him face to face and I said okay I would love to see you too. We met each other, and I told him that because we are Muslim and I dont want to commit any thing that is haram. I asked him to come with me and ask my parents for marriage if he wanted to marry me. He said okay.
I went home and told my mother that I would like to bring someone home as I would love to marry him. My mom looked at me and started saying things like: how do you know him, you haven't finished your schooling yet. I feel like that's Discrimintating and hating. I told my mother that if you don't know him you will know him latter insha'Allah, and let's talk first. My mother wouldn't listen. She said that the boy and I are of the same tradition. I as a Muslim girl alhamdulilah I don't believe in the words "traditional" or "cultural." I want to get married immediately in a halal way. Skin color or race does not matter to me. I told my mother, I will bring a muslim guy to our house, not a Kufar, so please accept it.
And my family thinks the wedding will cost $20,000 but I don't want that kind of big wedding. I just told my mother if we were trying to spend $20,000 for a wedding, I would rather choose to give that money for charity and to help people.
So my parents made me promise not to contact with him and its hard for me because we love each other so much. I still talk to him over the phone in a secret way. No one knows that we still communicate.. He has decided to marry me when I finish my school and he is scared how he would ask my parents again for marriage. He always says I don't want to come to that house again! He really cares about me and loves me. I am looking for some ways to make my mother happy so she would be comfortable with our relationship And how she would be accepting of it without having a big ceremony. Please Help or give me any advice for a happy marriage...please someone help
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Salaam sister.
First of all do not remain in secret contact with this guy, regardless of whethe you love him or not. Without a doubt your parents will eventually find out and this will destroy your chances of future marriage with him. More importantly, it is haraam to be in contact with a non-mahram. I know this is hard to swallow and I am sorry.
You haven't said how old you are. Your mother may be worried if you are still completing education etc. But marriage is important. You cannot force your family to accepthim. All you can do is try to get through to them. Find out their real reasons for rejecting them. Be kind and listen genuinely. Then reassure them of whatever they fear. Maybe give them a chance to get to know him or his family.
Explain to them that Islamically if a good Muslim man proposes, the girls family should accept as long as he has good deen and character.
If that fails, try to involve a local imam or respected pious person to try and convince your parents.
Please read this link on duas:
http://islamicsunrays.com/stop-trying-to-change-others/
Sara
IslamciAsnwers.com editor