Is Nikaah under Social Pressure Halaal or Haraam?
Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam
Assalm-o-alikum,
I want to know that nikah under social pressure is halal or not? My family arranged my nikah with a man, although he is a very nice person but completely opposite to me. i kept on crying and asking them that i did not want to marry that person. but everytime, the conversation ended up in emotional black mailing.
so as a end result i developed learned helplessness and suffered from intense depression because i was given no choice. I remember i was so unhappy but was so helpless. i said yes on Nikah and signature the paper because the room was full of relatives and i was so afraid and fearful that i still am.
i had no option other than follow the choice of my family. the first time i talked to him was after my nikah and found him completely opposite than me. i told this to my mother and she said now you have no choice and good girls make all kinds of sacrifices in life for the sake of their successful marriage.
i was never been happy with it and still have not accepted it. i am in severe depression and often think about ending up my life. I feel no interest in anything or in living.
But i do not commit suicide because i know its a sin and i would be thrown in hell forever. Does our religion allow nikah under social pressure? Is my Nikah halal? Now i know i've no choice other than living with that person for the rest of my whole life. but i want to know is nikah under social pressure allowed?
My friends say it was Allah's will and now I'm married so i should only be thinking about a happy life with my husband. If i talk about divorce everyone says its a wrong step, taking divorce for no reason is not allowed in Islam. Before Nikah everyone advised don't worry everything will be fine now they say i am ungrateful.
I have accepted this as my fate but i'm not in peace because its hard to forget everything especially when you have no feelings for other person. Sometimes i start crying and it becomes impossible to stop. There is no chance of taking divorce because nobody supported me when i did not want to marry him.
Now who will support me for this? Not even him, i have spoken to him, told him everything. He said he loves me and he always follows his heart. I do not know how to live my life.
~ Hina D
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I'm guessing most likely yur pakistani or indian. Sister what happened to you is completely UNISLAMIC. You have every right to go and get this marriage annulled. Whats incredible is that EVERYOne around you doesn't support this common sense principal of having freedom to choose your spouse. Unbelievable.
Is there any proper masjid near you..someone you could approach?
You have to ask yourself if you have the guts to get your marriage annulled and if you can handle the aftermath..i mean your family is not going to be happy.
salam sister
i have a serious question you need to ask yourself.
have you given your husband a chance to love him?
i know you said he is opposite of you.. but sister.. no one is perfect or completely the same as you. it is your and his differences that makes you complete each other..
islam forbid forced marriage.. you had the chance to say no before the akad nikah..
and now you are married.. can you give him a chance? try to open your heart for him, accept and get to know him better..
wveryone wants to be loved, and love cannot be forced. but that doesnt mean you shouldnt try:)
good luck.
salam
Hina, what happened to you was totally wrong and unislamic and no one should nor has any right to hold it against you if you took the decision to end this marriage - as quoted in the Hadeeth above - you have the right to revoke it.
That is your right and your choice sister.
However, that said, Mira has a point - you mentioned at the start of your message that the man you married is a ''very nice person'' - so if you feel he is, and you are in this union already, have you considered giving this a solid chance before you leave? What I'm trying to say is - I hope you have not perhaps (subconsciously) projected your negative feelings about how this marriage happened onto him such that you haven't opened yourself up to the possibility of giving him a chance to make you happy (since he says he loves you)
Thanks for the replies, First of all, i had given no chance of saying NO because i had said no all the times except at the time of nikah (at that time who is in a position to say no????) that's why i wanted to know if my nikah is valid or not?. I am actually tired of pushing myself so hard and giving a chance to this marriage for several months. Its not that i have not tried at all. Nobody wants to be unhappy in his/her life. I even have initiated a physical contact to develop feelings, though it was not so easy for me (especially in my culture females never initiate it). There are certain things that every wife expect from her husband. He is a very nice person no doubt from his nature but at the same time so cold and inexpressive. He does not even take my name because he is not comfortable. He lives in a different city where his acquaintances do not know about his wife because he is not comfortable. I really do not know what to do. If i do not think about divorce the only reason is being 29 and divorced would be a deadly combination. During the past days, all i have decided to have a baby at least i would have a reason for living in this way.
Hina, please understand that the few paragraphs we have received is only a tiny glimpse into your life and we are left to make deductions from there...
Furthermore, while we empathise with you, we also have to retain a level of objectivity if we are to attempt to help in any way - In your particular circumstances - we have to try and find a positive solution to a negative situation and if your marriage ''is at all redeemable'' (given that you described your husband positively in your first message) - that option had to be given our support first...
Now, since you say you've tried to no avail. There are few things you need to understand and consider:
1) Is it allowed to force anyone into a marriage they are totally against from an islamic perspective you keep asking - The answer is No.
2) The question as to whether or not your marriage is valid - even though you felt reluctant you ultimately agreed and consented in the presence of witnesses and then subsequently (once married) attempted to make your marriage work even to the point of becoming physical/using intimacy in the hope of encouraging emotional attachment to your husband upon your own admission - As such I think we can accept your marriage as ''legitimate''.
3) You feel you are incompatible, have attempted to make this work and are now convinced this is an impossibility and are miserable and depressed to the point of suicidal ideation --- YET - you will not consider ''divorce'' as a viable option for fear of social-stigma and the rejection of your family...
My dear, you need to weigh your pros and cons here and decide which is more important:
-Will you be happy if you are FREE from this marriage? Yes or No.
-Would it be worse to remain in this unhappy state for the rest of your life? - or deal with the transient period of impending social-uproar and the negative reaction of your family and friends? Which would you have the strength for and which would be worse for you?
-If you do decide upon divorce, are you financially independent? Where will you go? What will you do? Can you support yourself by any means?
-Social-support-network: are there any organisations in your area which have a group of women who would be able to provide assistance, guidance and support during this difficult transition (should you decide upon divorce) since you know you cannot rely on your family for this?
4) Bringing a child into this world as an emotional crutch is unfair. You have admitted to depression to the point of suicidal thought yet you want to now consider bringing a child into this dysfunctional mindset and dysfunctional marriage to serve as your distraction?
Is it fair to start a family with a man you don't love? Is it fair to bring this child into a marriage you don't want? Is it fair on your husband to be committed to a wife who feels this way about him?
Relinquish your fatalistic attitude my dear - If you had truly ''accepted your fate'' you would never had posted on this site.
Now you need to consider all of this and be honest with yourself and once you think you know what you really need to do - before you take the necessary steps towards it - perform Salaatul Istikhaarah. The Almighty knows your circumstance and will make the path easier for you or open doors an alternative such as you might not have considered, Insha-Allah.
Thank you so much dear sister Rabia for such clear questions, surely they have provided me a direction because i have had all these things in my mind and i was like a ping poll ball shifting from one poll to another. After making analysis of my own self i have realized that i am so much confused and trapped in a conflict state. I have read your reply again and again and asked myself what i REALLY WANT? My ruksati is in few months as soon as i complete my degree and go back home. Thanks for the Istikharah suggestion, i already have started performing it, Inshallah Allah will provide me with some direction. Yes, i am not at all happy in this marriage but i always have feared about the situations you have mentioned above. I am financially independent and completing Doctorate so i can live my own life. I do not have to live in my home country so why should i care about people if i myself is not happy from my heart. I already have made two big mistakes by listening to people1) i remained silent and did not speak up for my right due to the intense emotional and psychological pressure 2) i have had a physical contact to make things better. when i cry nobody comes and wipes up my tears so i should not care about anyone. I Need to be Strong now (thanks for this statement; Relinquish your fatalistic attitude) Before taking any serious step or decide anything i have decided to consult a psychiatrist and take anti-depressants because i do not want my depressed state to effect any of the decision i make. Now i shall only marry him if i would be happy because its truly unfair to him as well (This feeling is so terrible when you are forcing yourself hard to develop affection but still you do not feel anything as if your heart is dead). And if i go home to have the marriage ceremony i would do this only with a happy heart without remembering the past (i shall forgive everyone though its hard) because Allah is watching everything. Many thanks for the suggestions, need your prayers. I hope everything will end up rightly as mentally i'm so tired now and its also effecting my studies.
I'm very glad Hina, your change is already manifesting itself in that your thoughts seem more organised, having a solid plan for yourself is always a positive first step in the right direction.
I recommend making an appointment with a psychologist aswell my dear, many people have the misperception that seeing a psychiatrist and starting medication is enough, unfortunately it is absolutely not the case, psychological therapy is a powerful and extremely necessary accompaniment to a your prescribed therapy in the case of depression. It will help you immensely, I cannot stress this enough, it may even allow you to open your eyes to things you may not have paid much attention to or realise things about yourself and ultimately what you want.
Please do this and continue your Istikhaarah until the way forward is made clear.
May the Almighty guide you and bring you happiness and contentment within yourself, Insha-Allah.
Dear sister u r not only suffering thiz i am also suffering such this problem
:'(