Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Online Nikkah?

second wife polygamy

Assalamu Alaikum

I am 26 years old and a revert, Alhamdullilah.

few months after,I have a proposal from a married man to be his second wife. Since,  I myself does not know of this idea of polygyny, i did some research about it and I found my guide through some online advices. I agreed to this condition with a consent from his wife that ofcourse went through alot of turmoils but later on she msgd me and said she won't be stoping it since her husband is decided to do so. But as he promised, he will take responsibilities for both of us.

I, as a revert does not have a Wali, since all my family members are all Christians.. and i believe a non Muslim can't be one of it. I saw videos anout it saying that i should go through an Islamic Centre to assist me which i will do inshaAllah.

Bottomline is, my problem is about getting the nikkah done. Since he lives from different country, We decided to have an online nikkah. As  i do usually, i did some research too and it can be done thru skype., please advice md on my findings thou.

But as u can see, i dnt want to delay my nikkah.,and I would like to avoid such things in communicating without him being my husband,


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4 Responses »

  1. first confirm that whether he is marrying for visa ? if this person is from pakistan , malaysia , india , african county. probably he is doing for visa if you are from usa or uk etc.
    i would like to suggest , do not be in hurry as you newly reverted person , might be your excitement could lead you toward bad experiences of life . and you are also talking about , you will be considered to be as second wife . it could be little bit risky . i would like to suggest you wait for atleast 6 month to 1 year , search for few more options then decide to marry . even it is allowed in islam about polygamy but , there are several family issues . as you are newly accepted islam i would suggest take more time . do not be in hurry .
    what happens , you have aa positive image about muslims and do not relate your faith with muslims .
    i am truely saying , god never said to keep close mind while taking decision .
    better prefer to be first wife instead second , second wife's life generally in india and pakistan is like 'keep' . nobody interacts with her and there will be always clashes with first wife . i thinks , this is bad solution to prefering to be second wife

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  2. Assalaamu Alaykum sister,

    I am not primarily concerned that you want to be a second wife...or that you want to marry a man who lives in another country.

    I am primarily concerned that you want to marry someone you haven't met, and that you don't seem worried about that at all. Even in the most restrictive Islamic cultures, meeting a prospective spouse (even if only once) is expected. You are agreeing...rather, hurrying- to marry a man you haven't even met in person.

    You are young, and judging by your age I would be surprised if you have even been married before. In the Islamic world- whether you are going to be a man's first wife or second, or more- you have to know that a young, revert, western woman like yourself is a real catch (even when the intentions are their most noble). You are in the dominant position to be choosy and to take time to find what you are really wanting. Have you asked yourself: 1. Do you really want this type of arrangement? and 2. Why do you want it? I don't mean to seem critical, but living in a long distance relationship is so very challenging. You have to be very motivated to take that, and adjust to polygamy, as well as adjusting to what it means to be married in general! That takes a huge amount of fortitude for anyone.

    I don't suggest being in such a hurry to get the nikkah done if it means doing it online before you even spend one moment with your husband IRL. I DO suggest meeting him first. If he can't come to you, then go to him...but take a trusted relative (preferably male). Even if your relative isn't muslim, they are still going to look out for you and make sure you're safe, and tell you their honest opinion of this person and if they are suitable for you. That's essentially what a wali does, and why it's needed. It's not just about the technicalities of carrying out a ceremony.

    Meeting your prospective husband in his own environment will be very enlightening as well. Being new to Islam sometimes mean being a bit naïve about the different cultural influences that other "born muslims" function with. Being married to someone who will be culturally different from you will need all the help you can get, so that will be a benefit to you in that regard as well.

    -Amy Editor

  3. online nikah can be done you have to chose wakeel if you don't have any in your family than chose it from his country because wakeel should be on the same place and you can see all that by your self on skype and if you give permission to your wakeel than even you are not present there your wakeel will say yes on behalf of you there must be two witness who are muslim and nikah can be done

  4. why do you want to become a second wife? i dont really understand a woman cant stand a second woman and you are ready to take place. and i dont really understand a man who is happy from his wife want a second marriage. second third fourth marriages are not allowed for physical pleasure. it is in a condition if you are not happy from your wife or you want to support a divorced or widowed, if a woman is too old and wants protection: its not like a woman is young and you want to marry despite the fact everything is going good in your marital life ..

    i think its a bad decision is he rich enough to afford you both and fulfill your rights equally ? i dont think so. you should go and investigate and take your time there is no hurry. ask your elders to meet him in your presence even if they are Christians.
    its better for you to find a single man and not already married .

    you are young enough for this. i again say even if it is allowed dont become a second wife it will create many problems.

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