Ruling on mother in law
As salamu alaikum! I have a quick question regarding my husband and his mother. We’ve been together for almost three years now and the other day was the first time I met his mother due to the fact she didn’t live in the same state and she was incarcerated. But, now when she came to visit us for the first time (really cause she didn’t have anywhere else’s to go) she was coming down off of heroin. Since we didn’t know what to do or where to take her I told my husband it was ok for her to stay one night, but we will have to do something about her the next day because I don’t want her around my baby like that. We have an one year old and I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I just didn’t think it was okay for her stay in our house and be around our family in that state. And I believe she needed the proper medical attention we never dealt with any one that was coming down off of drugs.
He never communicated what he was trying to do with her so she was just laying on our couch moaning all day and night. our house is small so I had to stay in our room all day which I thought it was unfair to me and the baby since she like to crawl and walk everywhere. And I told him I couldn’t stay with someone that doesn’t choose the well being of your child first. I know I shouldn’t have said that but I was talking out of anger which is no excuse to make my husband feel like that !! felt like I was being irrational and wasn’t thinking thoroughly and said some harsh things but at the same time I was thinking of the safety of my baby. His mom was just coming off the streets we don’t know what she had like a disease or something by coming off the streets. I know that’s his mother but she wasn’t in good shape to stay at our home.
He told me that he was going to send her to the hospital but he waited until I finally decided to leave. Which I thought wasn’t okay to wait until I got all the way worked up where I decided to leave.
What is the Islamic way for both me and my husband to go about this. In sha Allah you’ll be able to help me.
She came out here with no money and clothes. So if she doesn’t have a place to stay after the hospital am I just suppose to let her stay with us even in her condition.
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Your mother in law is a junkie. Drug addicted people's first and only concern is to get drugs. Your mother in law will work every charm, any kind of emotional blackmail imaginable, to you or her son or do whatever she can to get her next fix. Before I go on, I advise you to check your possessions when you return home. They may very well be gone.
As soon as possible tell your husband your mother in law has to be admitted into a hospital, if he has not done so already. She can not live with you, visit you or be left alone with you and your children. She can not stay in your home at all in any way shape or form. You do not have to apologize for being serious about your safety. Even if you husband does not do this, you still have a first responsibility to protect yourself and your children from any kind of harm, and any kind of haram person or situation. It does not matter that it is your husband's mother. She showed up at your home because she knew her son would not turn her away. Neither one of you have the ability to assist your mother in law. She should be in the care of a trained drug counselor. You should also know that drug addicts have an extremely high rate of relapse, STDs, hepatitis C or other communicable diseases.
My comments may be abrasive. But as I said, you have a duty to protect yourself and your children. It is not a judgment of your mother in law, who like many people may have had hardships in her life and then turned to drugs. Your health and safety is your husband's first obligation. He may not have realized it, but should have known NOT to admit his mother to your home. If she is not able to be admitted to a drug rehab center, then she should be taken to a hotel, shelter or another location. Tell your husband to go to the thrift shop, get his mother some clothes and drop her off at a facility. It is his responsibility not to expose you to this. It will destroy your entire family. If your husband has other family members, I am more than certain they are not willing to keep her in their homes either. You can not raise children with a drug person in your home. You can not leave for work or to run errands with a drug person in your home. You risk the possibility of other drug people entering your home, drug activity taking place in your home or being robbed by the person you are concerned about.
Dear Sister,
There's no doubt that your mother in law need to be at the rehabilitation center and to be free of her addiction before she has a normal life with your family.
You have no such obligation towards your mother inlaw as such. However your husband is required to take care of her as much as possible. He can not abandon her and leave her in the street,when she needs him the most, even if she is a drug addict he has to show kindness towards her by taking her to hospital & other help that may require. Get her clothes, food etc. you will be rewarded if you support your husband by letting him do the right thing and help his mother to get of her haram habit. If she repents and let your son get help for her please let him help her, she is his mother, be patient with him, you will get great Ajer.if he abondons her he will not be able to leave with himself always be on his mind.
Your husband can help his mother without her having to move in the house with you and the children. Children need to be protected. Don't compromise on that..
Not sure if it's helpful.
Assalamo alaikum sister. I agree you don't have an obligation to take care of your mother in law, and that you have to take care of your children' s safety, but your husband very much has an obligation to his mother. If you help your husband think of good alternative solutions to take care of his mother, and to get her proper medical attention and to make sure she is safe and well fed and off the streets, you will be helping your husband fulfill his Islamic duty and that is a noble act, befitting of a good, supportive wife. Talk it out with your husband, and instead of just telling him she can't stay at your place, consider all the best alternative options and encourage him to do as much as he can for his mother.