Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I trust and marry him if he comes back in my life and wants to marry me?

broken trust, trust, broken marriage, lies

Broken trust.

Assalam - o - Alaikum,

First of all, I want to thank all of those, who gave me advices about my previous problem (I compare myself with extremely beautiful girls and feel bad). And I hope, I will never Insh'Allah involve in that complex, again.

Secondly, I have another problem that I wanted to discuss with all of you. I know, I will Insh'Allah get many good advices, I don't want to write the whole story in detail, I'll write it in summary but I'll be sure that you all will get to know the point.  So here I go:

I loved many people in my life but some of them cheated with me like my friends.  Nowadays, we don't get the right person, mostly nowadays people are selfish and I never stayed with such people. I forgive them but never wanted to be with them. Actually, (I don't really remember that it hurt me or not) they did not really care and I too.

Well the thing is, (which I think) at that time, I was too small, so maybe that's why I didn't care.

Important thing:

Everyone say, "If someone cheats with you, you should forgive but should not trust that person again." Why? What Islam tell us about this? I want to know.

And one more thing which I want to tell and ask.

If we love someone and that person get confused in any problem and don't tell us and that person want to help anyone. But later on our fights and our relationship start getting worse. After this if anyone call us very bad things. Does our self respect matters a lot? If that guy come back to my life, willing to marry me, what should I do? Forgive, marry and trust him again? Please tell me. I really love that guy and I cried many times for him. But I think so, he didn't care and I also didn't tell him. But he really didn't care about those things which I told him. He used to love me a lot but I don't where am I stuck.

Please tell me only this thing, should I trust that guy again IF he comes back in my life and want to marry me. He didn't cheat with me but he made me cry and everyone say "Those who knows the value of your tears will never make you cry."
But I think everyone is human being, we should forgive but don't know should trust again or not to do it.

Tell me about self respect, and all of those which I asked you. Hope all you get me, if you have any confusion, kindly do ask me and then give the advice. And I want your answers in the light of Quran, if it is possible.

Jazak'Allah.

Pure Islamic Girl.


Tagged as: , , , ,

18 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,
    Trust is like a glass. If its broken, no matter how much u try to fix it, there will always have cracks on it. If u really willing to fix it (means if u really love him from bottom of ur heart) then u have heat it up so much that it will melt and become a new glass again ( he has to show enough committment in order to gain ur trust once again). We r all human,we'll make mistakes for sure. Just have to make sure that we repent for our mistakes and careful not to repeat the same. Zazak Allah.

  2. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister PureIslamicgirl, I am delighted to learn that the answers on your previous post helped you.

    Concerning your current dilemma, I believe you know best what you have yo do. I mean to say that you know whether this person is the same or he has changed over time.

    Whether you can trust him or not is something that a person who knows the other well can decide. But remember this hadith from Sahih al Bukhari:

    Narrated Abu Hurairah ﺭَﺿِﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨْﻪُ : The Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said, ``A believer is not stung twice (by something) out of one and the same hole.''

    So beware before you are cheated again by the same person.

    If you are serious about him, you could have your father or brothers look into him, his Akhlaaq and his compatibility with you.

    Also remember that a person may not remain the same. He may have forgotten was done or may not even have realized, or sometimes have agreed to his mistake and willing to correct his mistakes. So it could possibly be that he is serious about marrying you.

    Base your decision upon both the deen and dunya. If he is well enough to provide for you and take care of you and is of a sound Aqeedah and belief thus helping you to please Allah and earn His Jannah.

    Does it not sound exciting? A husband helping you enter the Jannah of Allah? This should be a reason a spouse should be selected for.

    Perform Salatul Istikhaarah to know if his man is good for you. Seek Allah's Counsel, because He Knows what is good for you, while you do not.

    I pray that Allah Blesses you with a perfect man
    Aameen

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam - o - Alaikum,

      I can understand what you've written and what you want me to understand. You are trying to make me aware from getting cheated by the same person, and I can understand this. Someone has also told me that if we trust the person who has already cheated us and we again get cheated by the same person, so we are not Momin anymore. We are out of the circle of Islam. Is that right?

      Secondly, I wanted to know what Islam tells us about self respect.
      Lastly, I want you to know that I haven't written this post properly because I had to do some work. I decided to write it later but since it has been published, I want you to delete it. Because I can't find any way to delete it or write it neatly, which makes others understand what I have written. However, I want you to delete it, after when you will read all that I want to ask. I truly want to clear on this issue, after I am cleared on this issue, I will Insh Allah ask you to delete it.

      Jazak Allah

      • You didn't reply. And I don't know how to do Istikhaarah.

        • Someone has also told me that if we trust the person who has already cheated us and we again get cheated by the same person, so we are not Momin anymore.We are out of the circle of Islam. Is that right?

          No, thats not true.

          And I don't know how to do Istikhaarah.

          Just pray two rak'ahs of non-obligatory prayers anytime, preferably after Isha before sleeping. After the salat, make this dua- اللهم إني أستخيرك بعلمك وأستقدرك بقدرتك و أسألك من فضلك العظيم فإنك تقدر و لا أقدر و تعلم و لا أعلم و أنت علام الغيوب اللهم ‏‎(") ‎إن كنت تعلمأن هذا الأمر‎ ‎‏ خير لي في ديني و معاشي و عاقبة أمري او عاجل أمري و آجله فاقدره لي و يسره لي ثم بارك لي فيه و إن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر شر لي في ديني و معاشي و عاقبة أمري أو عاجل أمري و آجله فاصرفه عني واصرفني عنه واقدر لي الخير حيث كان ثم أرضني به

          When you reach the line ' hadha-l amra ', you have to think of the matter.

          Transileration-"Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub, Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra (think of the matter in your mind) khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h:fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h, wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin"

          Translation- ""O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power. You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge this action ------------------------------------------------ (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [inthis world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me andthen add blessings [baraka'] in it, for me. O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is badfor me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."

          I wanted to know what Islam tells us about self respect.

          Maintainance of a person's quality dignity and self-respect is of high importance in Islam. It is required in every aspects of life, without which a feeling of inferiority exists, no one pays attention to what such a person says nor do they respect a person who does not know to respect themself. Islam expects a person to present the highest example of good morality and manners like our prophet Muhammad. As long as Muslims maintained firm faith and discipline, they did not lose their sense of self respect. Self-respect is a quality way through which a person learns to respect himself/herself so that they do not stoop to anything low. When a self respecting person comes across evil, they passes by untouched. The evil ones do not have enough courage to even touch him. Dignified and good behavior, modesty, haya is the essence of one's morality, faith and self respect. If Allah shows us great respect/honored us, then we should show the same love and respect to our ownself.

          And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference. (Quran 17:70 )

          "Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself". (Quran 91:9 )

          "And indeed he fails who corrupts his ownself "
          ( Quran 91:10).

          • Assalamu'alaikum, brother Ali

            There is something wrong with the Arabic text alignment, it confuses the reader. Could you correct it?

            Jazakallahu Khair!

            Abu Abdul Bari
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • اللهم إني أستخيرك بعلمك وأستقدرك بقدرتك و أسألك من فضلك العظيم فإنك تقدر و لا أقدر و تعلم و لا أعلم و أنت علام الغيوب اللهم إن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر خير لي في ديني و معاشي و عاقبة أمري او عاجل أمري و آجله فاقدره لي و يسره لي ثم بارك لي فيه و إن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر شر لي في ديني و معاشي و عاقبة أمري أو عاجل أمري و آجله فاصرفه عني واصرفني عنه واقدر لي الخير حيث كان ثم أرضني به

            Wa'alykumsalam bro Abu Abdul Bari, waiyyak.

          • @ علي بن عبد الله آل الشيخ‎

            preferably after Isha before sleeping. After the salat, make this dua ??

            where did you get this from ?

            _________________
            May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

          • @ bro Abdullah !

            Get what ?

          • @ علي بن عبد الله آل الشيخ‎

            Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

            you said "preferably after Isha before sleeping. After the salat, make this dua " where did you get this, from which hadith ?

            _________________
            May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

          • Wa'alaykumsalam Abdullah,

            The salat is 'salat al istikhara' and the du'a is 'du'a istikhara' (do you need daleel for these ?).

            I said it is better to pray after Isha at night because Allah is more close to us at night and it is the best time to pray when every body is sleeping. Our prophet said : "Our Lord, the Blessed, the Superior, comes every night down on the nearest Heaven to us when the last third of the night remains, saying: "Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him?" (Sahih Bukhar)

            but it can be prayed at any time of the day as you wish.

          • @ PureIslamicGirl - Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

            @ علي بن عبد الله آل الشيخ‎ -

            i asked you that because some people think salat al istikhara should be done before going to sleep and they will get their answers in their dreams.
            ______________________________________

            When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allah is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things.
            (Quran 4:86).
            ______________________________________

            May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

          • Wa'alaykumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu 🙂

            Allah yatik al afiaa.

      • Sister, if you have anything to add, you can add it here or submit a new post with the problems that have not been discussed here. In sha Allah, in either case, you will find the help you expect or at least the help we have to offer.

        Abu Abdul Bari
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Hey there.

    You have not given me much information - but if you really love this guy meaning you want a future with him then you should get married to him as soon as possible. Anything before marriage is a load of crap because every individual does not know what they want etc it's just all too confusing.

    The only person that can help is yourself. You need to sit down and you need to think about what you want and what the other person what's. Give it some time to think about it all, don't rush into anything.

    If in your heart you know that this person has really hurt you and disrespected you in one way or another then you need to think about whether you want to marry someone like that.

    You are the only person who can help yourself. As you know the situation more than anyone and I think you just need some time to think about what you want and what is right for YOURSELF.

    Xx

    • Assalam - o - Alaikum,

      Actually, I haven't written this post properly because I had to do some work. I decided to write it later but now it has been published. You are right. We should think and ask ourself. I have done all these things but some strange questions come in my mind, and I don't know the answers of those questions. Anyway Jazak Allah for giving me advice.

      Fi Amaanillah

  4. Salaams,

    I can't quite make sense of your style of writing but from what I gather, a man came into your life, disrespected you and hurt you and went off. You talk about cheating then you say he didn't cheat. Is that right?

    You need to approach this very cautiously. Believe me love is blind, for true love begins to grow in a halal relationship. So you need to assess this situation objectively. At the end of the day, respect and trust come before anything. What has happened to make him want to come back to you? Men can be repugnant and lie so much. Perhaps he was with another person who had the sense to get rid of him and now you are his back up plan.

    I'm sorry to sound so cynical and some may say suspicious which of course is haram. Just be careful, you want your marriage to last a lifetime, not be a stopgap for someone at a loose end.

    • Assalam - o - Alaikum,

      I haven't written this post properly because I had to do some work. I decided to write it later but it has been published, now. Yes, you are right. I can understand what you've written.

      Jazak Allah for giving me advice.

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply