Want to marry a girl, but she is divorced and my parents aren’t accepting.
I met an amazing girl in a different city, and for several months I talked to her continuously by phone and chat, every single day. She told me from day 1 that she is divorced. The reason for her divorce being that she had gotten into an arranged marriage at the age of 19, and it turned out the man she married simply wanted a green card. She tried desperately to fix her marriage, however finally after 3 years she divorced him.
The past several months I've talked to her everyday, evaluated her behavior and her beliefs, and her character and piety are what have attracted me the most about her. I know she will keep me happy. I decided to tell my parents about her, and the moment I told them that she is divorced they showed an immediate look of disappointment. My mother, without knowing anything about her, began accusing her of trying to take advantage of me. My father said there is no way he would ever be able to explain this to our extended family. We had gotten several proposals from different family members for me, and we rejected all of them because I did not want any of them, and my father said, how can I tell them that we rejected their daughter only to have my son marry a divorcee.
After talking to this girl for several months, I know she has nothing but good intentions. She has never lied to me, and even if, God forbid, her intention was to take advantage of me, there is nothing to take advantage of. I do not have a lot of money, I do not have many assets, and my family doesn't have a lot of money either. In fact her family has more money than we do. I have talked to some of her friends and they have had nothing but good things to say about her. How can I convince my parents to overlook her divorcee status and understand that she is the right girl for me?
-w1234
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Salaams,
Brother, would your parents be willing to speak with her directly? Perhaps their minds can be eased if they have the opportunity to ask the questions they have and let her answer and share her side of the story. If I were you, I would ask both the girl, and them, if they are agreeable to at least talking. It doesn't mean they have to agree to let you marry her, and it doesn't mean they have to commit to anything. It's just a one time conversation in the spirit of being open and truthful, and building trust.
Another option would be to enlist the help of her parents. Sometimes, especially if they know the background of her previous marriage and divorce, they can advocate for her to your own parents. You didn't mention them in your post, so I am not sure how involved they are with her or her efforts to re-marry. (If they aren't involved, they should be!)
If you try either or both of these and your parents are not open to either, continue to talk to your parents yourself. Find out exactly what their concerns are ("being taken advantage of" is too vague). Ask them what would put their minds at ease? Ask them if there was anything you or she or anyone else can do to help them feel more supportive of your desires to marry this girl. Ask them what type of woman they had envisioned for you, and give examples of how this girl meets that criteria.
Insha'Allah, one of these will help melt that ice.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother,
If this is the girl for you, be persistent. Too often parents do not listen to their children and they are pushed into marriages that often end up in divorce. Keep talking to your parents and don't give up. Just because a woman has been married, that does not make her less worthy of a good man...one who will love her for who she is and not focus on the fact that she is divorced.
Ask your mother if she would be willing to meet this young girl over lunch. Maybe if your mother could see just how wonderful this girl is, she would then talk to your father. It is definitely worth a try and might help your situation.The very best of luck to you...don't give up.
Salam
assalamualaikum brother,
yes i think.....convince your parents anyhow and go get married to her....and earn virtues of sunnat inshallah u will get success.....if u hav totally good intention then Allah will help u himself
hi love a widow women she have two child with her but i love her she is also in our relation but she also love me and want marry her i am still unmarrid and want to marry her can i
Chang,
If you are both Muslim, then yes you can marry her. If you have any further query, please post your question as a separate post.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Marry her, parents are not always right or have the right intentions for their children. You have to live in the marriage not your parents make choices for yourself not for other people, there is only so much you can do believe you me i am talking from experience dont live in regrets follow your heart.because those are the qualities you need in a person which now a days is very rare to find.
sir
i am a 24 old young boy i completing my b.ed education while comliting this course i meet a girl who also study with mi.she is looking very smart girl.i follown in his love after a long time i proposed her and she except my praposal.but after some days she tell that she is divorced and she is elder than mi(26th year) and also their a cast problem she is in sc cast and iam in open cast.but i love her so much so i ask about my parents and meet her.but they reject to only cast reason. they dont know she is divorced.after that the girls leave she told me we cannot married. and she closed all her contant and also suddenely shift her home.now i miss her sine 4 months.my life is totally disturb i want she is in my life.but she closed realeation after that many times i try to convins my parents bt the don't aggre.so i feel my life totally lost and fully dipration plz tell mi what can i do...........
Move on, brother. It's obviously not going to work out. It takes time to get over lost love, but it will get easier as time goes by. By the way, we do not have castes in Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
so can i forgot her?
Hi Friends,
My case is exactly opposite to initial post. I am divorced and she is not married yet. We have been in relationship for ~3 years. She told to her parents few days ago. They rejected it immediately. There is no problem other than being divorced. She has a younger sister also who is not married yet. They told her that they will not be able to survive in society. Everyone will make fun of them. Her sister will not get good alliance. I asked the girl if she can convince them to talk with me but her parents do not want to talk with me at all.
I know we can run away and get married but they are our parents and i don't want to leave them because of some other person in my life.
Please give me some ideas to initiate the conversation with them.