Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We want to get married but his brother is against it

Rejected by Family

His family is not accepting our marriage because his brother finds me fat and kind of tall as in i am the same height with him and he finds my complexion also dark and my guy has been trying to convince him but what he ends up doing is shout at him his mom is in full consent but the brother is against it how can he convince him as we want everyone to accept our marriage fully n it goes smoothly..please advice

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4 Responses »

  1. I would advise you to let your fiancee handle his own family and the situation even if it looks like he isn't doing what you want. If you try get involved and convince everyone and convince him of this or that then look if the marriage doesn't start in a good way how do you expect it to carry on nicely. What if he does what you saying today because you keep pressuring him and then one day turns around to. You. And said I should of listened to my brother he was right you wasn't right woman for me etc. Let your husband to decide what he wants for himself you can't control the situation or him.

    On a spiritual level I think you should seek help from Allah and seek repentance for your past sins in your life so he can turn to you and give you goodness and blessings in this world and the next. Allah is the changer of the hearts... Put your effort into Allah and he will change peoples heart and mind instead of putting your effort into people who Wil always let you down.

  2. 1) Why do you even need your boyfriend's brother's approval? Why is his opinion so important? Who else's opinion matters to your boyfriend? His neighbours? His colleagues? His local butcher? His mail man?

    2) The way I see it, the issue isn't your boyfriend's brother, but your boyfriend (and yourself!). Why is he such a damn WIMP? And why do you hate yourself so much that you think you are only worthy of this sort of weak man? I'm sorry to say this, but if your boyfriend really wanted to marry you, he would have done it by now. Regardless of his brother's opinion of your weight and skin colour.

    3) It sounds really creepy and very weird that your boyfriend's brother want to feel an attraction towards you before he'll allow his brother to marry you. Why does he need to think you're beautiful in terms of weight and skin colour? Are you marrying your boyfriend or his brother?

    4) You now have an idea of what kind of family your boyfriend comes from. In your shoes, I would run away from it as fast as I can. Not only to escape a very creepy pervert brother and an unaccepting family, but to escape from a weak boyfriend, too. I can guarantee you that if you marry this man, you don't become his wife - you become his brother's wife, and his entire family's house slave.

    5) I have said it before and I'll say it again: If you have to convince people to like you, they are not worth your time.

  3. It's a cultural stereotype thinking of what is beauty- light skin and slimmed body. Your man has to fight for you if he really wants you. Seems to me that his family is controlling his life and he needs permission from them. I once knew a guy who he had to have permission from his elder brothers to pursue further our relationship because they paid for his college tuitions so, they feel like they can control and ask him to do whatever they like for selfishness and not care about their brother's feeling. So, I dumped him because he was too weak and nice to go against his family. His family was afraid that an educated professional girl like me would interfere their family relationship because they are always asking him for money, time and other help. Think what the future would be like dealing with his family.

  4. Assalaamualaikum.

    If they reject you for no valid reason, or if their criteria for choosing a wife are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – then it is permissible for the man to refer the matter to the qaadi (sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is not letting him get married, and pass that role to someone else.

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