Working abroad and afraid my wife is chatting with another man
Cheating wife.
ASKM, I'm a married man, since 8 yrs. i had a luv marriage. in the begining everything was fine, but after 3 yrs of my marriage i had a financial crisis & i lost my buisness,
as a result i'm sitting at home around 1 yr, my wife is also working and that way she helps me fianacially as well as gives me a emotional support too.
she loves me very much & i also luv her very much, v have a one baby also. but in that time that i'm sitting idele at home, i caught my wife having affair with one of her collegues who is non muslim.
that guy is posted in some in other city, but my wife called him regularly & chat with him, even romantic conversation i caught.
when i disclosed to my wife hat i knew her relationship with the guy, she accepted & promised me that she will never involved anymore with that guy in any form.
i know my wife very well that she will never having any physical contact with him.
Then i found a job abroad, & i'm living alone here. bcoz of some issues i cant bring her with me now. since three years i'm abroad, and i suspect my wife that she is in touch with the same guy on phone or on chats.
will this be considered zinaa? even not any physical relationship with non mahram, even talking on phone or other communication modes? i'm very worry from her side, maybe she is not knowing that it will be the major sin she is doing. I am confused and depressed.
Please help me what will i do. i love her very much & i know she loves me very much.
- sahilz
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If you ask me I think chating online is cheating because if you are a married men/ women you shouldn't be chating with anybody online respect is respect!!! Talk to her put her in her place because your far away working that doesn't mean she should be chating online with other men!!! I think a married women shouldn't chat online at all..Like I said that is what I think. Insallah everything work out for you.
Brother,
With all due respect to you, you should really try to find work in the same city as your wife if you cannot bring her with you. The fact of the matter is, you know your wife (or you suspect) that she is chatting with another man. No one can say for sure what is happening and what might happen but no good can come of the situation as it stands. She is living alone and women have needs just like men do and well... it's just not a good thing for either of you to be married but living apart.
Salam
salaam
Dear the only way in my experience is ,do not leave him alone. When she alone shetaan is wid him. If u kept her in ur life stay with him. Demand of sex will destroy ur relation. Dnt waist tim do first today, leav ur job or kept her wid him, otherwise ur and ur son's life destroy.
Relationship is more about trust, either you trust your partner or you don't trust. If you trust her, then get rid of this suspension and enjoy the relationship. If you don't trust her then find out the reality and make your decision based on that. But ruining your and her life on bases of suspension is not a wise idea.
Assalamu alaykum brother, im really sorry to hear that.i dont know how someone can cheat and say i love you at the same time?sorry but talking to non maharam is not allowed in islam.she could get emotionally involved with this guy and even leave you for him one day!woman dont talk to men just for no reason.
I think you should talk to your wife about this and tell her that she is doing a big sin.you said you are working abroad for three years now.its a very long time.the best thing would be if you just go back to your wife and find a job there if you can afford?you should try your best to be together with your wife and child.i know myself its not easy to live separated when you are married!i am married myself since almost three years now and we still in two different country as i had to stay in germany to finish uni and he is in uk!now im finished with studing and cant go there yet because my husband cant afford me to go there yet.i didnt even see him since 10month now(only on msn tho).he is working very hard mashAllah but things are not easy.but mashAllah he is always so patient and positive and always says we should be patient and pray to Allah and inshAllah everything will be ok...“good things come to those who are patient“(its not easy but so true!)
Brother i would advice you to go back to your wife (if you cant bring her there) and find a job there as you both have a child together it wont be easy for her to raise your child alone,if you can afford it then just go back to your wife. If you try hard you could find a job in your city.You said she is chatting online to him and on the phone?dont you talk to your wife on the phone or chat(msn) ect?please talk to your wife about it because she is doing a big sin talking to non mahram.tell her to do tauba and stop talking to this man.just pray to Allah to make it easier for her inshAllah and you should try your best to go back to your wife.inshAllah Allah will make it easier for you.
As Salamualaikum,
Brother, as everyone has said, if you leave your wife alone, there are high chances that you lose her. This is because she will have no Halaal means of satisfying herself.
If she can talk to a non Mahram in your presence, the chances in your absence are far multiplied.
In order to keep your relationship strong, have her to be with you at any cost, either by sending her a visa or by looking for a job in the city where she lives.
If you had a pre-marital relation, I must admit that this is a result of having a relation before marriage. When you can have relation before marriage in a Haraam way, it opens the door to the fitnah of suspicion or actual relation (extra marital) even after marriage. One should be careful and abide by the rules Allah Has Set, and stay within the boundaries that Allah Has Defined.
This is a reason why 'love marriage' in it's common understanding is highly undesirable.
Now that it has happened, you need to repair it to maximize your Eemaan and earn the Pleasure of Allah together.
So, at any cost, have your wife to stay with you, whichever part of the World it maybe. And also find out what made her look for another man, while her husband was there. Did you not fulfil your duty as you should have? Or is there any other reason? Find that out and then, in sha Allah, you can tackle it accordingly.
May Allah Help you both in this
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother sahilz,
It is haram for a woman to speak to a non-Mahram man who wants to talk or (online) chat with her in a lustful manner and also in the event that the woman knows that there is a possibility of them falling into sin.
Women are permitted to speak to non-Mahram men if the following conditions are met:
1. The conversation is necessary (like in businesses and organizations, schools, hospitals etc.)
2. The speaking is not done with the intention of lust and seeking (sexual) pleasure.
3. There is no fear of falling into corruption.
4. Not in a secluded place.
Apparently your wife loves you very much and has supported you financially and emotionally when you lost your job and may be because of the financial troubles that you had, you drifted away from your wife. There are chances that in relations where the man is emotionally distant or absent, the woman also drifts away for the emotional support, appreciation and admiration from the non-mahram man. Shaytan does his best then, to further distance the wife and husband and also instigates the non-mahram man to perhaps utilize the situation to his benefit.
An emotional affair starts out as an emotional connection–perhaps appreciation or admiration for someone–and can easily grow into a deep attachment. Many people rationalize emotional intimacy outside of marriage with the idea that if a relationship isn’t physical, it isn’t harmful. Most women get involved in emotional affairs because they are attracted to the feeling it gives them. But clearly Islam dictates men and women to refrain from any emotional intimacy outside marriage.
In your case, your physical presence didn’t deter your wife from having an emotional affair, because she started chatting with the non-mahram man while you were still in town. So I guess there are/were other issues that you need to tackle in your marriage.
You should try to bring her also to the town you are working in or find a job in the town where your wife is residing as suggested by many brothers and sisters here.
And moreover, work on your marriage by communicating your feelings and apprehensions with her, advise her in the light of Quran and Sunnah, and when you talk focus on your feelings and what needs to be done to improve and rebuild trust and not on her past mistakes.
Focus on what went wrong between both of you and try to infuse love and affection in the relationship. And do not let Shaytan whisper suspicion in your heart and drive you further away from her.
Allah knows best and may Allah help you.
Fee Amaanillah.
I have the same experince with yours, I discovered that my wife is having an affair with some one in my short absence when I saw a messages in her mobile phone, that she forgot to erase thier conversation, but she denied. she told me that she doesnt know that messages, she hid her mobile phone from me and erased everything she even thrown the simcard, at first I believed her that she was innocent but another time I discovered that she called that man when she went out of town with her friends. She denied it again but for what I saw, I am convinced that she has a relationship with that man. because of her denial I tried to live with her because we have children, I left it to Allah I made sabr. I lack the prescribed requirments to prove that she made adultery so Allah will be my be the one who knows.
I need an advice from our versed brothers and sisters what should I do. I am living with her now and trying to forget what I discoverd, But some times it comes to my memory again and again for what she did. She told me that she loves me and she denied everything. my only weapon is a prayer to Allah to show me his punishment to that man for trying to destroy our family. ameen.