He left me four days before the wedding, now I want to commit suicide
Heartbroken.
I am 22 years old. I love a guy a lot. And he loved me too... He is divorced and I am single.
We got so much attached to each other that we convinced our parents and got engaged in april. Our wedding was planned in May but 4 days before our marriage my fiancée delayed our wedding till june. And now he left me.
I love him a lot but he says that he cant marry me. I did a lot for him as it was not easy for me to convince my family for a divorced guy. But he says that I am not mature.
Many people told me that he is not sincere with you, he had many affairs before 1st marriage and even after divorce. That's why he left me for some other girl. But I don't believe it.
i really love him a lot. I am suffering a lot because of him but i still want him back. We did istikhara and it turned out positive. But he left me 4 days before our marriage. i am mentally disturbed, don't know what to do. I want to commit suicide. Because i cant cant cant live without him. I am in great pain.
Kindly tell me some Qurani ayats to recite to get him back. I want him back in my life and want to marry him asap. Plz help me with my problem. I am very depressed. Plz help me.
I never even asked him about his divorce , even my family didn't asked him about his divorce. I am 22 and he is 35 but still my family agreed because of me.
Now when i contact him , he doesn't even reply. If my family contacts him or his family, no response. 13th 14th 15th of june was decided for our marriage but they didn't contacted us from a month after they delayed our wedding ceremony for a month.
plz plz plz plz plz help me to get him back. Tell me any wazifa. Plz.
Thanks...!! Kindly reply to my mail asap.
- sheikh
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Sister, you seem obsessed with this man. I think you're in denial about what other people tell you about this man's character, because of your obsession of him. Ask yourself why these people would tell you lies about this man - I mean, what would they gain from telling you he's not good for you? Even your family didn't accept him with ease...that means that the people who care about you the most in the world estimate this guy to be bad for you. And his actions certainly prove their suspicions. Sister...I'm afraid it very much seems like he doesn't care about you at all. Being an older guy, it probably just boosted his ego, after divorce, that he "still got it" - even with a very young girl. You're basically just his rebound, sister...please end your obsession of him and stop pursueing HIM, or any other relationships in a non Islamic manner. Because this is what happens when you "grow attached" to someone your parents haven't approved of before you allow yourself to fall for him.
Even if I knew a du'a, I don't think I would give it to you, sister. This man is clearly not interested, and it's about time you get to grips with that and move on with your life. There's no reason to commit suicide - do you think he is committing suicide for you? Do you think he's crying for you? Do you think he's depressed over you? Of course you can live without this man, don't fool yourself in to believing you can't. You don't need a man to live, only Allah, oxygen, food and water and people who love you - your family. If you one day meet a great man who your parents very much approve of, then great! If not...well...there's still life to live, you know? :).
Sister,
It is very unfortunate for you that you cannot truly see how very lucky you are that this man has left. Why are you so willing to settle for a man who has been married, is known to be a player and simply has no respect for you or your family?
Consider the fact that this man has left a true blessing from above. Stop thinking about how much you love him and think about what an inconsiderate man boy he is. He is 35 years old and he calls you immature? He walked away from you with four days before your marriage...who is the immature one now?
When you dry your tears, you go take a look in the mirror at that girl looking back at you. That girl deserves better...way better. With patience and the love of yourself, Allah will guide someone into your life who will be deserving of the person that you are.
Stop thinking about ending your life sister...no matter how hurt you are at the moment, this man isn't worth spending an eternity in hell. Put your faith in Allah and he will guide you...he will be there for you and when you are happily married to a real man, this man boy will still be single and looking for the right woman.
Salam
Assalaamualaikum respected sister,
Forget about this man. There is no wazifa to get him back. Rather, Allah SWT can give you what is best for you. The way this man has acted towards you shows he is not worthy of marriage, and you should be grateful Allah has saved you from further, more devastating consequences had you married this man already. You are infatuated with this man. It is a Sunnah of Rasulullah (SAW) to pray istikhara AND seek counsel. If everybody around you is telling you he is insincere and dishonest, you should heed their warnings and examine the situation unbiasedly (that is, separate from your feelings and emotions and look into why people are saying he is not sincere with you). The fact that he left you right before your wedding is proof that he is in fact insincere with you, and gives strength to the opinion of others about him. Once you establish the fact that he IS insincere with you, you must realize that there is NOTHING you can possibly do to make him sincere with you, and therefore any attempts you make towards being with this man will be futile. You must disconnect with your feelings and ponder this matter logically and reasonably. The man has used and betrayed you, and someone like that is unworthy to be your husband. Move on with your life, and you WILL be happy (inshaAllah), and Allah SWT will definitely enlighten your life and give you much better than this. Please read the following:
DUA OF UMM SALAMAH (RADHIALLAHU ANHA)
A very touching an inspiring story of one of the greatest female companions of our beloved prophet sallaAlahu alayhi wasalam
When we are afflicted with hardships and tests, or simply do not get something we anticipated or hoped for, then the story of Umm Salamah (radiAllahu anha) brings much comfort to the heart. It also encourages us to build up our own strength and increase our trust in Allah subhanahu wa tala, for surely He is the best of planners and providers.
…
When Abu Salamah (my husband) decided to leave for Madinah, he prepared a camel for me, hoisted me on it and placed our son Salamah on my lap. My husband then took the lead and went on without stopping or waiting for anything. Before we were out of Makkah, some men from my clan stopped us and said to my husband:
“Though you are free to do what you like with yourself, you have no power over your wife. She is our daughter. Do you expect us to allow you to take her away from us?”
They then pounced on him and snatched me away from him. My husband’s clan, Banu Abdul-Asad, saw them taking both me and my child. They became hot with rage. “No! By Allah,” they shouted, “we shall not abandon the boy. He is our son and we have a first claim over him.”They took him by the hand and pulled him away from me. Suddenly, in the space of a few moments, I found myself alone and lonely. My husband headed for Madinah by himself, and his clan had snatched my son away from me. My own clan, Banu Makhzum, overpowered me and forced me to stay with them.
From the day when my husband and my son were separated from me, I went out at noon every day to that valley and sat at the spot where this tragedy occurred. I would recall those terrible moments and weep until night fell on me.
I continued like this for a year or so until one day a man from the Banu Umayyah passed by and saw my condition. He went back to my clan and said:
“Why don’t you free this poor woman? You have caused her husband and her son to be taken away from her.”
He went on trying to soften their hearts and play on their emotions. At last they said to me, “Go and join your husband if you wish.”
But how could I join my husband in Madinah and leave my son, a piece of my own flesh and blood, in Makkah among the Banu Abdul-Asad? How could I be free from anguish and my eyes be free from tears were I to reach the place of hijrah not knowing anything of my little son left behind in Makkah?
Some realized what I was going through and their hearts went out to me. They petitioned the Banu Abdul-Asad on my behalf and moved them to return my son.
I did not now even want to linger in Makkah until I found someone to travel with me, and I was afraid that something might happen that would delay or prevent me from reaching my husband. So I promptly got my camel ready, placed my son on my lap and left in the direction of Madinah.
I had just about reached Tan’im (about three miles from Makkah) when I met Uthman ibn Talhah. (He was a keeper of the Ka’bah in preIslamic times and was not yet a Muslim.)
“Where are you going, Bint Zad Ar-Rakib?” he asked.
“I am going to my husband in Madinah.”
“And there isn’t anyone with you?”
“No, by Allah. Except Allah and my little boy here.”
“By Allah, I shall never abandon you until you reach Madinah,” he vowed.
He then took the reins of my camel and led us on. I have, by Allah, never met an Arab more generous and noble than he. When we reached a resting place, he would make my camel kneel down, wait until I dismounted, lead the camel to a tree and tether it. He would then go to the shade of another tree. When we had rested he would get the camel ready and lead us on.
This he did every day until we reached Madinah. When we got to a village near Quba (about two miles from Madinah) belonging to Banu Amr ibn Awf, he said, “Your husband is in this village. Enter it with the blessings of God. ”
He turned back and headed for Makkah.
Their roads finally met after the long separation. Umm Salamah was overjoyed to see her husband and he was delighted to see his wife and son.
Great and momentous events followed one after the other. There was the battle of Badr, in which Abu Salamah fought. The Muslims returned victorious and strengthened. Then there was the battle of Uhud, in which the Muslims were sorely tested. Abu Salamah came out of this wounded very badly. He appeared at first to respond well to treatment, but his wounds never healed completely and he remained bedridden.
Once while Umm Salamah was nursing him, he said to her:
“I heard the Messenger of God saying. Whenever a calamity afflicts anyone he should say, “Surely from Allah we are and to Him we shall certainly return,” (inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon). And he would pray, “O Lord, give me in return something good from it which only You, Exalted and Mig hty, can give.’”
Abu Salamah remained sick in bed for several days. One morning the Prophet came to see him. The visit was longer than usual. While the Prophet was still at his bed-side, Abu Salamah passed away. With his blessed hands, the Prophet closed the eyes of his dead companion. He then raised these hands to the heavens and prayed:
“O Lord, grant forgiveness to Abu Salamah. Elevate him among those who are near to You. Take charge of his family at all times. Forgive us and him, O Lord of the Worlds. Widen his grave and make it light for him.”
Umm Salamah remembered the prayer her husband had quoted on his deathbed from the Prophet and began repeating it, “O Lord, with you I leave this my plight for consideration . . .” But she could not bring herself to continue … “O Lord give me something good from it”, because she kept asking herself, “Who could be better than Abu Salamah?” But it did not take long before she completed the supplication.
The Muslims were greatly saddened by the plight of Umm Salamah. She became known as “Ayyin al-Arab”–the one who had lost her husband. She had no one in Madinah of her own except her small children, like a hen without feathers.
Both the Muhajirun and Ansar felt they had a duty to Umm Salamah. When she had completed the Iddah (three months and ten days), Abu Bakr proposed marriage to her, but she refused. Then Umar asked to marry her, but she also declined the proposal. The Prophet then approached her and she replied:
“O Messenger of Allah, I have three characteristics. I am a woman who is extremely jealous and I am afraid that you will see in me something that will anger you and cause Allah to punish me. I am a woman who is already advanced in age and I am a woman wh o has a young family.”
The Prophet replied:
“Regarding the jealousy you mentioned, I pray to Allah the Almighty to let it go away from you. Regarding the question of age you have mentioned. I am afflicted with the same problem as you. Regarding the dependent family you have mentioned, your family is my family.”
They were married and so it was that Allah answered the prayer of Umm Salamah and gave her better than Abu Salamah. From that day on Hind al Makhzumiyah was no longer the mother of Salamah alone but became the mother of all believers, Umm al-Mu’mineen.
Also, do not even consider suicide an option. It will land you in eternal hell, and nothing is worth that. You are only 22 years old. May Allah SWT give you a long and happy life. In time you will realize this man was worthless to begin with, and when you find a true companion (inshaAllah) you will realize what a real man should be like. Instead of praying to get him back, you should pray to forget about him as soon as possible, and for Allah to bless you with a good, righteous, and devoted husband. Nothing has been lost. In fact, much has been gained from this experience. It may be that Allah wishes to purify you and to test you, and make you grow (spiritually and mentally) before bestowing on you your true companion.
Assalamu Alykum, Very impressive reply
sister,
Dont ever love another human to the point of wanting to kill yourself. Life is great and everyone is up for good and bad times..that is his LOSS not yours..PUT your head back together and think with your MIND.he did you a FAVOR
IT IS BETTER HE SHOWED HIS TRUE COLORS NOW THAT AFTER MARRIAGE AND KIDS..DONT WORRY CRY IT OUT..AND MOVE ON.. DONT keep saying your what ifs..
i will not put you INTO A GUILT TRIP because we all know the punishment of suicide but..ALLAH swt knows your weaknesses and has mercy.
"We did istikhara and it turned out positive. But he left me 4 days before our marriage."
Sister you did istikhara and asked Allah to guide you and you subhanAllah you got your answer.When we do istikhara we ask Allah to guide us, if something or someone is good for us we ask Allah to make it easy for us and if the person or a decision is bad for us we ask Allah to take it away from us. In your case your istikhara is very clear. Allah took him away from you because he is not good for you sister.insteadof crying be gratefull to Allah he showed you his true colors!!!He is clearly not interested,why would you want to kill yourself for a non maharam???he is not even your husband sister.Please listen to everyone here and stop thinking about him instead thank Allah for takim him away from you as he is not good for you sister!!InshAllah Allah will replace him with a good muslim guy,have faith in Allah.
assalamualaikum sister , first of all relax and calm down , and what u ar thinking right nw is wrong , u knw suicide is haraam , at first place her is not right person for u ,secondly if he would hv really cared abt u and ur respect and if he had fear of allah he was never leaving u , sister first of all u mus thank allah for getting him out of ur life , hw wud u have bared if he had left u aftr ur wedding , plssssss open ur eyes u are lucky and allah loves u and has saved u and he knw better what is good for us , as u said he is divorced pls do not take any step towrads him his way of thinking will be totally diffrent campared to singles u hve lot of dreams in ur mind abt ur married life but he will not hve those feelings remember expectations hurts a lot, expect only from allah u want this kind of person who is not bothered abt u and ur life and left u will he be good husband will he be good father i am sorry to say u are asking that happiness from allah which u may get but it is going to be painful in reality dont be blind dear sis smile and moveon and best revenge for this kind of people is to smile at them and show them u can live more happy life without them plss place ur heart in had of person who deserve it not people like him who play with ur heart just like toy , what he said abt u tht u are immature is not immaturity but it is your innocence which he dosent hv and can nver understand ...... dont spoil ur life allah has given u one more chance ,
jazakallah khair
assalam-o-alaikum
Just remember that when one door closes a better one will open. Maybe he is just not right for you. You will find the right one
True
Salaams,
In addition to what others said above, I would like to advise you to consider that there may be something to the idea of different maturity levels between you both. With him being 35, and you only in your early 20's, there's a vast difference of life experience and understanding between the both of you. It may very well be that you are not in a good position to marry someone who is over a decade older than you, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that your reaction at it not working out -one of wanting to hurt yourself- generally isn't a sign of one being emotionally healthy and mature. When we are young we can be very emotional and impulsive, and some of us resort to drastic thoughts or measures to deal with pain. Ten years from now in shaa Allah, you will look back and see that you have grown in a lot of ways and would respond very differently to the same kind of rejection. That may be another aspect he saw in you that he was just not willing to be patient about.
Now that the relationship has concluded, you have all the time you need to work on yourself and becoming a more mature and responsible person. You will have more to offer the next prospective husband if you do this, and the chances of having a marriage go through and benefit the both of you will increase. Let what you have to look forward to gaining be your focus, not what you've lost.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam sister,
You found out before marriage, what if this happened after marriage. It happened to me he left two months after marriage with a girlfriend who does not want to marry him.And yes he was divorced and me and my family where not smart enough to ask him why.To ask his family why he divorced.I found out later he cheated on his first wife and got divorced.Always track someones past people don't change overnight.Please move on with a better man.This man is not mature and does not know what he wants in life. your parents should have asked his family and him about the divorce.
Assalamu alaykum sister,
After seeing your post, I felt very sad because. even I come crossed such pain which your going through now, few days back I felt my life it self blank and nothing to look forward and I used to spend my time in Ibadats, Almost so many days past I can not believe I am a same person or what . Before some days I was asking in my prayers to ALLAH that I want a particular person, but today I feel in this world whatever ALLAH gives that will be best for us , and if we like something we must ask to ALLAH, we must expect from him alone and we must not expect more from the people. Allah is sufficient for us, he knows better what a lies in our future. So Allah protected you , make touba for speaking with non -mahram boy. Marry the person whom Allah and your parents are selecting and try to be a very good islamic wife to your husband, Dear sister I did the same thing today I am very happy by the grace of ALLAH, I got all the happiness in my life, Please relax your mind spend your time only with ALLAH,
May Allah guide all of us to the straight path. Aameen!
Give it time sister see wht happens ...be patient
If he sees ur importance he should initate contact. U dnt becme like a contact he dnt wanna contact by keep callong him.
If he dnt contacr give ur self lots time as thts best healler of pain read quran share ur heart with the pppl u cn trust around share ur self with Alllah read quran n talk with him directly. To give u sttrngth give you wht better.
dnt make him like God thyres mre important things like ur akhiiiraaa..
Times
He left u rrally ad time seems really confused whichnis his own battle. My beautiful sister in islam your so precious to our creator ...get on with life truly in rememberence of Allah do the hearts find peace
Allah (swt) makes things happen for our own good. Just say alhamdulila for everything that has happen, because even though you feel pain now, perhaps this pain would have trebled if you married this man and it may have had adverse effects for the rest of your life.
Try to forget this man, he does not appear to have your best interests at heart. Insha Allah khayr, and please sister, forget about this man and live your life. MashAllah you are still young and have so much potential, dont throw that away for someone who cannot commit to you.
Listen sheikh forget him ... Who can leave you before marriage jus four days before marriage hw he can protect you rest of the life .... I had break up wd a boy after 3 years of relationship in march bcz he cldnt agree his parents for marriage it's bin 9 months he sent his parents thy wet materialistic n greedy nd u know tht guy who was claiming for 3 years tht he can do all for me left me in a minute for his family nd new he is sending mails tht I should forgive him cz he has done injustice to me... But I can't reply him bk... Bcz he dzn deserve he is not the one ... I attached all wd him fought wd family my family wasn't agree tht wet not ready to go out of caste bt I made them
Agree but on his turn he cldnt prove his single word he was used to claim... I dnt Hv any space for him in my life now I dnt want him now bcz I bin thru a Lot of pain cz of him was used to cry day n nights bt then I turned towards Allah n asked for help nd yeah Allah gave
Me peace nd m ok now much better if not hundred percent then 90 percent for sure bcz I have accepted hez not there nd some people dnt deserve for purity n sincerity u dnt knw hw much I did to him I simply destroyd myself after him
So much tension n cryings made me do sik nd weak n really evn m nt tht fresh nd pretty as I was before jus cz of all stress! Such people dnt deserve better to forget them and carry on bloody cheaters nd deceivers try to say 5 tym prayers get close to Allah u will find peace n will feel the Difference nvr trust anyone again thy dnt respect UR true emotions really thanks God I nvr had any physical thing like sex with him otherwise I must have committed suicide after break up he was bk home n I m in uk so cz of distance we jus had two meetings in 3 years that's it. Really get close to Allah nd nvr look at him again trust me u will repent u will b hurt again he will b ok bcz it's his habit and he is experienced !!! Forget him I will again say pray 5 times nd ask Allah for help ... Bless you
I agree with miss !!!! She's right jus carry on nd Allah had done this for yr betterment u should b happy that u got rid of a cheater ... Plz b strong really feel for you cz I Hv sufferd alot for him n cz of him so I understand u.... Bt u r gna her nothing such ppl dnt feel thy dnt feel cz thy dnt Hv heart n conscience ... Forget him plz Cary on Carry on my sister may Allah b wd u ameen
Dear Sister,
Thank to Allah that he left you 4 days before marriage not 4 days after the marriage............
Hai I'm married last august 30,2017 but after 1 week my husband told me we can't continue he wants divorce because of her daughter