Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to repent from losing my virginity in this way?

repent forgive

I was in my first ever relationship that lasted a few months, in the last month we both had oral sex and he broke my hymen.

As this was my first time, it hit me so hard that I still feel regret and guilt. He had sex with his previous girlfriend.

I have been pondering about this in my head because I have no-one to talk to, it is something I wish I had not done. We broke up for other reasons.

How do I repent from such a sin?


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11 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaykum Sister,

    Zina is a major sin in Islam. You must repent for this sincerely and Allah will forgive you. From now on stay away from having relationships with boys. Learn about your deen and pray Salaah, as knowledge is power and Salaah is your communication with Allah. If you have broken up with your boyfriend, that is great, its a blessing. Please read the following articles as they similar situations to yours.

    Also read the following articles to learn how to do tawbah:

    SisterZ Editor

  2. Salaams

    My advice to you is never ever disclose this to anyone and never get involved with a guy again. Secondly repent and allah will forgive you. Do not make another mistake learn to control yourself from bad crowds and learn to love yourself that you deserve better. I hope this helps w/salaams.

  3. Assalaamu alaikum.
    Thank you for both of your responses, I really appreciate it. This has opened my eyes not to do such a thing again. The links are very useful.
    Thank you again!

  4. Yeah stay away from boys they do anything to sweet talk to, I been there but marsallah I was smart to know all they wanted was zina , tilling me how good looking I was and sweet I was, I always thought of parents raising me and if I ever do zina before marrige my parents would be shame for rest of there life's. My point is must guys these days do anything to sweet talk to girls just be smart pray to Allah to forgive you.

  5. Would she be considered still a virgin ? Cause her hymen broke from oral sex , not actual sex ? Sorry just a general question

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Technically, for some people, the answer is "no," because they define virginity as penetration taking place whatever device or body part is used. Some will say, "yes," because they are the opinion that this only applies to penile penetration.

      However, the fact of the matter is that the female would have been engaging in sexual contact with another person. That alone is for a majority of people to say, "No, she is not a virgin." Yet the real question is, "what excuse can be offered to Allah (swt) for such a thing?"

      • Asalaam alaikum Professor X,

        Sorry I do not completely understand your answer. In Islam would this be defined in someone losing their vriginty even though it was not through sexual intercourse with another person? Say the hymen was not broken would that have made a difference?

        Thank you 🙂

        • Asalaam alaikum,

          You cannot gauge this question on a hymen. For example, this has been written about the problems of determining virginity by hymen:

          1. Some girls are born without a hymen;

          2. The hymen may tear naturally when a girl plays sports or engages in any physical activity;

          3. The hymen is not always smooth but tends to be perforated and that the perforations may get bigger and cause the hymen to break once a girl menstruates;

          4. The hymen can be broken by the use of tampons;

          5. The hymen may be very small or very elastic so that no breakage occurs at all (some women even become pregnant while their hymens are still intact);

          6. A hymen may not bleed when broken.

          If you are asking as to whether sexual contact with no penetration occurred, but she had sexual contact with a partner in other ways, she would be technically classified as a vaginal virgin, but she would be deemed unchaste, if this occurred outside of marriage.

          For example, the other ways she could lose her chasteness and thus her bodily non-vaginal virginity would be anal sex. Some are under the impression that engaging in other forms of sexual contact makes them a virgin as long as nothing enters the vagina or the hymen is intact, but this is not so when they are actively engaging in sexual contact. Oral sex and anal sex being two of those things among others.

          It's important to note that chastity and modesty are deemed the gauge by which women should be chosen as wives and are two aspects of many in how her character is seen. This is because wives, widows and divorcees may not be virgins, but still can be chaste and modest by their good actions. Whereas a vaginal virgin woman can still be considered unchaste and immodest by her bad actions.

          If she ruptured her hymen through an accident or through self-inflicted masturbation, because she is not having sexual engagement with another person, she would still be considered a virgin. The caveat that you must understand is that sexual contact with another person is the key.

          The fiqh actually is quite involved, because sex between lesbians is also defined as a form of sexual intercourse, though penetration may not have taken place.

          • thank you makes more sense now 🙂

          • What if the lady is still dating the boyfriend...makes tawbah,,never has sex again but still makes out with the boyfriend

          • Rabia: What if the lady is still dating the boyfriend...makes tawbah,,never has sex again but still makes out with the boyfriend.

            What is your question? Makes out also means having sex? Do you mean she does other sexual activity than normal sexual intercourse (vaginal penetration)?

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