We committed Zina; I repented and started practising Islam but she hasn’t. Should I still marry her or move on?
Assalam O Alaikum,
I met this girl in high school and we started “dating” about a year ago. Four months in, she told me she had sex with her previous boyfriends, which really upset me since I was a virgin and wanted to be with one. Instead of telling her it was wrong, I committed zina with her myself. I also used to drink and do many bad things.
A week ago, with the help of Allah, I did tauba and promised myself not to commit any of those sins again. I pray 5 times a day now, I am fasting and I am very happy this way. I have no intention of going back to my old lifestyle. However, this girl is not so happy about the change in me. She hasn't asked me to stop praying or anything but she does say "you've changed". I tried to convince her to start praying and fasting too but she gets really annoyed at me and tells me to leave her alone. When I ask her if she is going to fast and pray she simply says "No". I tried to tell her that we have sinned and we are headed for destruction if we don't do tauba and ask for Allah's forgiveness but she doesn't understand. I still like this girl and I am worried for her. I still want to marry her and do nikkah with her, since we have committed zina, I feel that is the best solution.
At the same time, I feel its very important that she repents and asks for Allah's forgiveness. I have seen how wrong I have been and I want to be with someone who prays and believes in Allah as well. I do feel partly responsible for all the sins we committed together and I want to make her a better person. Some people have advised me to leave her and find myself a religious girl, which is fine with me, but I dont feel we should lose hope in people like that. She is Muslim, but very mislead (like I was) and just needs help in the right direction. I also feel she would be in a lot of trouble if she ends up getting an arranged marriage, considering she is not a virgin and I don't want to leave her in that situation. I really want to help this girl, but the more I try to help, the more she pushes me away. If I ask her to pray she tells me its not fair for me to bother her about it all the time when I myself just started praying 5 days ago.
I don't know what to do? Should I stay with her and keep telling her about Islam and hope she repents one day. Should I leave her and move on (like I said, I really don't want to leave her considering our history, but I don't want to be with her if she doesn't repent and starts to pray, is that wrong of me?). Also, her parents are EXTREMELY religious, they just don't force her to be. Her brothers have given up on Islam and have been filling her ears, telling her there is no such thing as religion. I would love it if she asked for Allah's forgiveness and started praying, that way I don't have to leave her since I really like her. Is that hypocritical of me, to say that I would leave her unless she prays, when I used to commit so many sins myself. Please help. I'm confused and don't know how to handle this situation?
imran211k
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The girl you have committed zina with has no idea of the dangers of her actions, fortunately you do know.
First and foremost you need to worry about yourself. Have you realised truly and started to be at peace with yourself?
As for her, in simple English I'd say you do pursue her, but not by yourself, through yoru parents and who knows, if she sees the seriousness of your proposal ideas she might change.
I certainly agree her chances are very slim in finding a good husband given her current attitude and her past, for which she has not repented.
I must be honest and say I've read so many similar stories now, just on this site alone it's been like 20 inside a few weeks and I'm not shocked anymore.
Young man, you really need to stop thoughts about this girl and communication if both sets of parents don't agree in marriage. Once the parents disagree and the girl disagree you got to move on.
As it stands the girl is not ready for any marriage or responsibilities. SO maybe you're better off finding a good Muslimah who is prepared to learn about and practise Islam as the Almighty has commanded.
Hi, I am Junaid, I've committed sex with a girl but after like a week I started feeling guilty and started asking forgiveness from Allah SWT. I've promised never to return to such kind of sins again and Alhamdulillah I haven't. I pray 5 times,I also sometimes cry and ask forgiveness from Allah, I also recite Qur'an and I also give Adhan sometimes. I also have asked for forgiveness from Allah in this Ramadan and from that day until now I havent did any sin like that. Please guide me is my Taubah accepted or correct way of asking Taubah? Please guide me is my way correct to ask taubah or if somthing's missing what can I do?
Junaid, Allah knows best if your tawbah is accepted. But it sounds to me like you are sincere, and you are doing what you should. May Allah accept your repentance.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalamoalaikum brother imran 211k,
I am very pleased to read that you have realized the enormity of your sin and have made a sincere promise to yourself to change. I will start with your sin and inform you of the correct way to ask for repentance and then I will advise you in regards to your “relationship”, inshAllah.
I was listening to an Islamic lecture a few days a go and the sheikh there said something very interesting. He said the minor sins we commit (i.e.: stepping on an ant by mistake without realizing it) Allah swt forgives those through the good deeds that we engage in. However, when one commits a major sin Allah swt does not forgive that person until he/she does not seek forgiveness from Him. Clearly, the sin you both have committed is very major coming third place after shirk (associating partnership with Allah swt), and murder.
Therefore, in order to ensure that Allah swt will forgive your sin there is some important steps you need to take.
The conditions for repentance are well known:
1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
(If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]
If these conditions are truly met, then one can expect one's sins to be forgiven. However, one has to be very careful about how sincere one is in fulfilling one's conditions. It is recommended to seek forgiveness a lot, and to repent every time the sin comes to one's mind.
So although you have realized the enormity of your sin and you want to change you must do so in the correct manner. That means you must leave this sin (which includes leaving the source of this sin—which is this girl). You may feel at this point that you are strong and will not relapse but shaitaan is with us 24/7 and he can make us slip at any time. Therefore it’s important to also stay away from the source of the fitnah.
You do not need to feel guilty in regards to “ruining” this girl’s life because you have not. She was not a virgin before you therefore it is not you who caused the loss of her virginity—it wasn’t there to begin with. As a muslimah she should value herself, her body, and her soul. Everyone commits sins but realization is what draws us apart from the non-believers. She is not realizing the enormity of her sin and is still persistent with her lifestyle which is nothing but an illusion. You have done your part by informing her of her haram lifestyle but she is adamant with the way she wants to live her life. Let her be and it’s about time you focus on changing yourself and making amends as you claim that your past has not been very pleasing.
You need to protect yourself from shaitaan and end this haram relationship because there is no such thing as a “relationship” before marriage in Islam. I know it’s going to hurt you to read this but if you truly feel regret, guilt and remorse for what you’ve both done then you will have to make the correct changes to prove to Allah swt that you are in fact sincere with your repentance. You cannot stay in a haram relationship and try to make it halal by persuading your girlfriend to change for the better—that’s like sitting in a club and reciting Quraan (auzubillah). Your environment and good deeds are supposed to match; they cannot be inconsistent.
Lastly, I want to inform you that marriage is sunnah and it completes half of our deen—so think long and hard before choosing a life partner for yourself. This sister is very far from her deen and Allah swt knows best when and if she will return to the right path. You want to marry a person who will not only make you a better person but give proper guidance to your children and help you all achieve jannat and vice versa inshAllah. You do not want to gamble with your life. I feel as if you know what the right thing to do is but you are hesitant. Follow you instincts and do not let shaitaan persuade you into committing more sins.
-Helping Sister
Zazak a Allah.
Wailkum As Salaam Bro
Reading what you have written shows how concerned you are about all this so I thought I'll give you some advice.
Firstly I need to say it is really good to know that you have changed Alhamdullilah 🙂 but then again wanting to live with this girl who does not appreciate the way you are well you need to ask yourself is it really worth getting married to her? Love for Allah (SWT) should be greater than the love for his people get me? So you need to think of what your religion says instead of following your desires. In the long term you'll get married have children but then if she has not changed how can you guarantee that she will stay loyal to you? And what's worse is that your children could end up like her and on the day of judgement you will be asked.
I think if she really wanted to change for the better she would have taken what you said into consideration and given it a thought instead of getting angry with you. If she really loved you she would have thought about this and bro if she cannot have love for Allah (SWT) in her heart how can she possibly love you?
As well as that having so many boyfriends in the past maybe you're just one of those guys that is going to eventually be her past.
Right now both of you are the total opposite and will have hardly anything in common, don't get me wrong but the relationship between you two if you do get married wont exactly work if you are the religious one and she's not.
Just my view on this but hope I helped even the slightest but just wanted to get what I thought of this across to you.
Just remember: If they can't love Allah, their love for you will always be fundamentally flawed.
May Allah (SWT) help you to make the right decisions and help you to accept what you cannot change. Ameen.
Remember to turn to Him always, He will never let you down.
Much love.
'Whatever happens is for the best.'
Salaam helping sister. . . . MashaALLAH for ur excellent approach in answering there question of the questioner. . . . . However i dont understand when u rated adultory third greatest sin after shirk and murder,. . . Is homosexuality and lesbialism nut more than adultory??? Remember that it is because of this homosexuality that Allah destroyed the people of prophet lut. . Allah rained down stones of hot baked clay on them and presently if u go to d town now (present in palestine), u will still find rainment of the people. They have frozen and become as stones in different postures (some in lying position, some in running position etc). . . This was what happened during the life time of prophet lut & ibrahim (AS) which is almost 4000 to 5000 years ago. . . . And if u check through d history of d prophets, u will find disbelivers being destroyed because of there commiting shirk but u will never come across a town being destroyed because of adultory . . . . Can u enlighten me pls
Asalamoalaikum brother Mohd,
Generally from my knowledge I know that there are 70 major sins in Islam that if one does not ask forgiveness for they will be held accountable on yaw-mal-qayyamat. When I stated that zina comes third place after shirk and murder I did so because I had read a verse in the Quraan that states these three sins together.
Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 68-69:
68 Those who invoke not with Allah any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit ‘zina’, and any that does this (not only) meets punishment,
69 (But) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy
After reading this passage what I took from it is that these 2 sins are probably so huge that He (swt) stated them (murder and zina) after shirk. As we know shirk is the the highest of all sins and if other sins are put in the same category it makes sense to assume that they must be of closer value in degree of severity.
However, homosexuality is also a major sin in Islam and I looked for the 70 major sins via the internet so I will paste them here for you to refer to (in which homosexuality has been mentioned).
I hope this answers your question, inshAllah.
70 major sins in Islam:
01. Associating anything with Allah
02. Murder
03. Practicing magic
04. Not Praying
05. Not paying Zakat
06. Not fasting on a Day of Ramadan without excuse
07. Not performing Hajj, while being able to do so
08. Disrespect to parents
09. Abandoning relatives
10. Fornication and Adultery
11. Homosexuality( sodomy)
12. Interest (Riba)
13. Wrongfully consuming the property of an orphan
14. Lying about Allah and His Messenger
15. Running away from the battlefield
16. A leader's deceiving his people and being unjust to them
17. Pride and arrogance
18. Bearing false witness
19. Drinking Khamr (wine)
20. Gambling
21. Slandering chaste women
22. Stealing from the spoils of war
23. Stealing
24. Highway Robbery
25. Taking false oath
26. Oppression
27. Illegal gain
28. Consuming wealth acquired unlawfully
29. Committing suicide
30. Frequent lying
31. Judging unjustly
32. Giving and Accepting bribes
33. Woman's imitating man and man's imitating woman
34. Being cuckold
35. Marrying a divorced woman in order to make her lawful for the husband
36. Not protecting oneself from urine
37. Showing-off
38. Learning knowledge of the religion for the sake of this world and concealing that knowledge
39. Betrayal of trust
40. Recounting favours
41. Denying Allah's Decree
42. Listening (to) people's private conversations
43. Carrying tales
44. Cursing
45. Breaking contracts
46. Believing in fortune-tellers and astrologers
47. A woman's bad conduct towards her husband
48. Making statues and pictures
49. Lamenting, wailing, tearing the clothing, and doing other things
of this sort when an affliction befalls
50. Treating others unjustly
51. Overbearing conduct toward the wife, the servant, the weak, and animals
52. Offending one's neighbour
53. Offending and abusing Muslims
54. Offending people and having an arrogant attitude toward them
55. Trailing one's garment in pride
56. Men's wearing silk and gold
57. A slave's running away from his master
58. Slaughtering an animal which has been dedicated to anyone other than Allah
59. To knowingly ascribe one's paternity to a father other than one's own
60. Arguing and disputing violently
61. Withholding excess water
62. Giving short weight or measure
63. Feeling secure from Allah's Plan
64. Offending Allah's righteous friends
65. Not praying in congregation but praying alone without an excuse
66. Persistently missing Friday Prayers without any excuse
67. Unsurping the rights of the heir through bequests
68. Deceiving and plotting evil
69. Spying for the enemy of the Muslims
70. Cursing or insulting any of the Companiions of Allah's Messenger
Reference: http://www.usislam.org/islam/major_sins_in_islam.htm
-Helping Sister
How comes Hijab is not listed?
Because it's a minor sin, maybe? I'm not sure... 🙂
Why do we refer to ANY sin as MINOR or MAJOR??? A Sin is a sin!
It's a shame that we do most of them but we wear hijab and think we r good practicing Muslims :O
i am sorry to post this ,i really need help ,i post this wuestion a month ago and still its saying pending,,,i really need help ,plz help me where and how to post this ,this is my story plz sister and brothers help ,,,jazakallah
(Remainder of comment deleted. Your question will be posted in turn Insha'Allah, just be patient. Thanks. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor).
Assalamulaikum bro this is quite crazy situation but this will INSHALLAH come to an end how, let me explain it to you first of all you ask for your forgivenesss to ALLAH and then just make dua to him sincerely about that girl and the best thing to do in this is ISTIKHARA that will help u out to deal with this situation .
Dear Bro Imran
what u had done was right ......pray to allah make repentence.....zina is th tree unforgivable sin which is said in quran.......it is a heinous crime ...people living in western countries made this as simple one....any way is that girl a muslim did she wears hijab?which country she is living........AYISHA sisster said was right ........try to give her a translation of quran
Thank you all for your help.
Look brother imran, you like the girl, fine! But r u sure with her attitude she is the best woman to train your kids? Don't forget, you are planning to stay with her forever and that decision doesn't refLect on you two alone, it involves ur future children(if you happen to have any). Besyds any girl who don't love you and doesn't accept your lifestyle isn't worth being with. Considering the fact that uve repented, staying around such people is dangerous because the heart is as soft as a cotton, small thing can change its direction. I advice you stay away from her and find someone else
i cimitted zina for 2 and half years (remainder of comment deleted by editor)
Salaams,
There are many posts that address the issues you raised in your comment. Please do a search of our archives, and in shaa Allah you will find the help you're seeking. Also, feel free to log in and submit your question as a separate post, and it will be answered in turn.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I don't want want to mention my name... I'm a guy belonging from Islam. I have committed zina with my girlfriend couple of times and couple of months ago, I have realized and did Tauba by heart to not to repeat it again with a believe that Allah will accept my forgiveness and lead me to the right path. My question is that I have heard Zina is a loan to be paid back by either of a female family member. After doing tauba, according to Allah's order, does this loan still apply or does Allah forgive that punishment along Tauba?
Please answer with Allah's Order
What you heard (that zina is a loan to be paid by a family member) is totally false. There is no such thing in Islam.
"Whoever goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And whoever goes astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens can bear another’s burden…" - Quran, Surat Al-Isra', verse 15.
"Whosoever does righteous good deed it is for (the benefit of) his ownself, and whosoever does evil, it is against his ownself, and your Lord is not at all unjust to (His) slaves." - Quran, Surat Fussilat, (Verse 46)
"And no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden, and if one heavily laden calls another to (bear) his load, nothing of it will be lifted even though he be near of kin…" - Quran, Surat Fatir, (Verse 18)
Make your tawbah and do not repeat the sin again.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
zina should be punishable by lashes!!! since we not in the past time your lashes will come but in adifferent way not literally having blood all over...and your lashes is loosing this girl forever.