Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We chat every day, but I can’t marry her right now

internet chat, internet love,


I'm an 18 year old Muslim from the UK. I met a Muslimah online. It's been 5 months and we are really in love and I told her I want to marry her.

I know there's no real love before marriage but we really like each other a lot and we cant go a day without talking. We talk about everything apart from intimate subjects and hamdulilah, she tells me she has become a better Muslimah since she met me. I tell her to pray when its time and I send her islamic articles. and when we go on skype we are responsible and she wears a headscarf.

But is what I'm doing haram? Bearing in mind Im in the UK and she is in my home county a long way away, so we have never physically met.

I have my flaws like everyone but I try to be the best muslim possible, I try to do more than what is required like fasting, salat etc.

We talk every day and if I could I'd marry her now but I still havent even started university.

what do I do?

shoukran for the help, jazakallah

- mekk33

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6 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    If you read other similar posts on this site, you will come away with the conclusion that "love over the internet' usually causes more complications and problems than it's worth, and is best avoided altogether. That being said, you are already involved with this sister. My advice to you is to immediately speak with your parents about this relationship and ask them to assist you in marrying her. I understand we all want a marriage where we have already finished our education, and we can start living with our spouse and having children etc, but given the level of sin and temptations that are available out there (especially online) sometimes it's better to be married and start out a bit unconventionally.

    If you can enlist your parent's support to marry this girl, it is possible for you to remain with them and she with her parents until you are through school and able to support her on your own. At least then, you can chat with her as much as you like, with the assurance that it is completely halal as she is your wife. You may even be able to visit with each other from time to time until you are able to live together on your own.

    I have three sons of my own, and I am telling you as a Muslim parent that I would much rather have my son talking to a wife far away over talking with someone who is not yet his, knowing all the while they are getting deeper into the complicated emotions of love....which are hard to unravel if it doesn't turn out as you had hoped.

    Again, please talk to your parents. Hopefully they will be understanding and help you to move toward marriage. However, if they feel it is in your better interest to wait on that and stop developing this relationship with this girl, then you must respect their wishes and act accordingly, no matter how difficult that might be for you.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Brother, Assalamu alaykum,

    Propose marriage, get married with happiness of both families, Insha Allah.

    If this does not happen, leave her, leave the chats and stop right now.

    My words may seem to be too harsh now and crushing your "love life", but in time you shall know that your brother gave you a good advice.

    Your brother.

  3. I agree with above two comments/ advice. Dont play around with urself or her. It is not worth it if u r not going to be her husband and she your wife right away. Get ur families involved as u will need their blessings and God forbid if ur families dont agree then u both really cant do nikah without their permission.
    I stopped my contact with a guy coz his family wanted him to qualify as a dentist first and then marriage. That guy was ready to get married to an extent that he was willing to have his wife-to-be his girlfriend till he fulfilled his family's wishes. I found all that waste of time and unlawful and damaging to my soul.

    I dont have much islamic knowledge but if in islam if it says that a guy and a girl cannot be alone then really without any doubt internet conversation is like being alone. So what I did was wrong even though nothing shameful was discussed between him and me and we never exprssed our feelings to each other, okay at the very end he did and regretted later when he found out that I am not interested in relationp before marriage. what u r also involved is unfortunately not welcomed within islam either and if it was welcomed then I would not have hurted that guy like that. I hate myself for that! But inshallah within time I should be fine and he may inshaAllah realises the truth. I just want to die as a muslimah so hence I gave up someone in my life even though I didnt want to.

    Also one more thing, coz u r a guy, u r more likely to get away with many things in this life and still be married with a good girl but this is not the same for a girl. If an external person finds out about the girl being in conversation with you then chances are high that she could remain as unmarried esply as she is not living in the west.Oi I know what iam saying is a bit mean or,unfair but that is the reality. So please dont respect this girl that u like.

    Get married with her asap but if u cant marry her now then I am afraid this relationship is considered as 100 lashes which I did not wanted to be part of and neither do I want anyone else to suffer from it.

    All I know we are here in this world to be tested and to show how much we really care about Allah swt!

    If I have said anything out of the fold of islam then please do correct me.

    • Iknowitsister,

      If parents deny for illegitimate and unIslamic reasons which contradict Sharia of Allah and the girl and the boy willing to marry are on the Sharia, then Allah's Sharia is to be respected and not family's permission.

      Just this point I wanted to correct, that they can in that case get married without permission of families.

      All should be done in kindness and efforts should be made to avoid fitna.

      Please keep yourself busy with the Qur'an, you have the necessary "will" in you, now ask Allah to guide you by His will and lead you to His Path.

      Other points you mentioned are correct and important to understand and act upon in life.

      Iknowitsister, Insha Allah you will be rewarded immensely by Allah for your care and concern for purity.

      Your brother.

  4. * I mean please DO respect this girl that u like.

    Sorry I amreplying from mobile phone so typo errors tends to happen...

  5. Salam alikom,
    Hope you are all fine
    I really want to find my last answer about chating
    I chat with new friends every day by yahoo messenger and facebook
    One day i was in chating with a girl in Austrillia she was muslim girl she told me she really love me and she want to marry with me but i don't know what to do because i can't believe her how is she? i don't know is she a good girl and i don't know her phisically
    Is it good to find your next life by chating?
    Is chating useful for us?
    and when is the best time for chating how much to chat in a week
    if you know more about it email me please brother

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