Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslim and got a girl pregnant out of wedlock

As salamu alaikum brothers.

I'm caught in a dilema. I took shahada a few months ago. I was still in my old ways and due to that I now have gotten a young woman pregnant.

Any advice you guys can give me would be very helpful.

I am learning THE HARD WAY.

- RevertedWithTheBest

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4 Responses »

  1. Praise be to Allaah.

    Praise be to Allaah first and last, and thanks be to Him always. He blesses whomsoever He will with guidance, and deprives whomsoever He will of happiness. He saves His slave from misguidance and supports His close friends until the Hour begins.

    My dear Muslim brother, congratulations on your being blessed with guidance. We ask Allaah to make you steadfast until death.

    It was a great achievement when you decided to embrace Islam and give up the misguidance in which you had grown up and the shirk [association of others with Allaah] which is forbidden. We welcome you as a new brother in Islam and we welcome you as a visitor to this site.

    First of all, we would remind you that in this world man passes through great tests and trials, which require him to be patient and steadfast, and to stand firm until death.

    “O man! Verily, you are returning towards your Lord with your deeds and actions (good or bad), a sure returning, and you will meet (the results of your deeds which you did)”

    One of the trials with which Allaah tests His slaves is the enjoining of obligations and duties such as prayer, fasting, zakaah, Hajj and other acts of worship, and the things that He forbids them to do such as lying, cheating, adultery, homosexuality and all other forbidden things, so as to see the sincere believer who obeys the commands of Allaah, so that He may admit him to Paradise, and the liar and hypocrite who does not obey Allaah, so that He may send him to Hell.

    Try to do your best to learn what Allaah commands, and do it, and what He forbids, and avoid it.

    There are many commands, and many prohibitions, and it is impossible to list them or explain them all in one place. But we refer you to what is mentioned in this site of ours of questions that deal with the teachings of Islam, so you can look at it and read what it says, and may Allaah benefit you thereby.

    With regard to what you mention in your question about having to learn Arabic, this is true, but you do not have to learn the whole language, rather just what you need for religious purposes.Abortion is forbidden in Islam.

    There is not a single statement in the Holy Book Al Qur'an or in the sayings (ahadith/sunnah) of the final Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), which allows abortion! On the contrary, there are verses in the Holy Book Al Qur'an which are clearly against the killing of any unborn child or child, male or female, by any means, for any reason and at any stage of the pregnancy (Chapter 6, verse 151, Chapter 17, verse 31,Chapter 5, verse 31, Chapter 60,verse 12). Muslim women are described in the Al Qur'an as (amongst other things) those who "do not kill their children." (Chapter 60, verse 12) In Islam we are asked to marry, conceive and maintain pregnancy till its natural end as fixed by GOD, and to produce many children. Every conception is legitimate and every pregnancy is desired and wanted. In Islam there is no such thing as an "unwanted pregnancy." Every child is regarded as a great gift from God. Many verses in Al Qur'an describe beautifully and scientifically all the different stages of development and growth of the unborn baby, producing great admiration for The Creator, the best of Designers! (Chapter 23, verses 12,13,14) Islam also has stated clearly the rights of the foetus; the right to life and protection from any harm, the right to lineage, the right to support from family, the right to legal status and inheritance. I'm not a scholar or an imam so i can't really give you a good opinion on what you should do. I hope someone answers that for you.

    Finally we advise you to look for an Islamic Centre in your city, and to keep company with Muslims who practise their religion. Do not forget to read trustworthy websites, and try to benefit from them as much as you can. We will also be happy to help you and others like you who are looking for things that will benefit them, and we will offer whatever advice we can, so keep in touch with us. May Allaah protect you and take care of you.

    Allah Knows Best

  2. erm. i think that you at this moment are learning the hard way.Firstly, are you really going submit yourself to the religion of Islam? if not then there was no point takin shahada. But at the end of the day what has happened has happen and you have to do what you feel is right as a muslim(if you still want to be a muslim and you are commited). You have to look at the situation in different ways, for example "how is the young girl feeling". I AM SOO SORRY to say this but this is no longer just about you. what does she want? if she wants to keep the baby, then ultimately, that is what will probably happen anyway. The other thing you have to think about why did you have premarital sex? is it because you love her? If not do you ever think that you will be able to love her? If not then you need to decide what you want to do. And finally, ASK ALLAH FOR GUIDENCE AND FORGIVENESS.

    i just want to finish off by saying that i am NOT trying to lecture you. I am NOT the best muslim in the world ethier, and i have made soo many mistaches, and i probably still will. but the best thing to do is try and not make the same mistache again.

  3. Assalamu alaikum,

    Alhamdulillah!!!!!!! It's great that Allah(swt) has guided you to Islam. I am a revert just like you, I have been for many years now. There is no better feeling than when you take shahada. At the same time you know that you have to make changes in yourself that may not be easy in the beginning but you can do it.

    So let's get to your situation. The good thing is that all of your sins from your past have been forgiven. You have a clean slate to start with. With that being said it does not mean that your past obligations also go away. Whether you got this young lady pregnant before or after you took shahada you have to be a man and take care of that child. You need to be there for the child financially and emotionally. Even if you are not a part of the mother's life. This is what a real man does. You made a decision to lay with this young lady, so now you have to be responsible for what comes next. Abortion is not an option unless there is a health issue that puts the mother's life at risk.

    If the young lady became pregnant after you took shahada then you know that you have committed a sin. That does not mean that you are no longer a Muslim or the world is coming to an end. What it means is that you have to repent and ask Allah for forgivness. You will be fine, just do the right thing.

    Now that you are in this situation this is the perfect opportunity for the people who knew you before you came to Islam, to see a positive change. Remember, there will be people who will not support you in your change. So through your actions they will see a young man who is responsible, who doesn't run away when things get a little difficult. It's the perfect way to give dawah.

    Think about this, you are doing this to please Allah, and that will happen by taking care of your responsibilities and giving dawah through your good character.

    One other thing. Now that you have taken shahada, it's important that you find a support system of brother's who can help you in those times when you are feeling week and bending to the temptations of the dunya. Spend as much time as you can in the masjid learning as much about Islam as possible. This will help you stay on the right path. If you need additional help please don't hesitate to write to us again.

    Here is the most important thing you can do. Trust in Allah and always ask him for guidance.

    Your Brother in Islam

    Abdul Wali Editor

    • Assalam Mulakum

      Brother Abdul Wali you've given a great answer Mashallah!!! Lets hope it helps our new brother go through with the difficulties he might face.

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