Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My family does not practise Islam. How can I guide them?

An Australian Muslim family

An Australian Muslim family

Question:

I was born and raised as a Muslim girl, but only as a believer but without practicing; in other words I was 'showed' how to pray once but I never did.

I fasted occasionally but when I had a school exam or any other excuse I didn't fast. And my parents taught me that it was ok not to fast.

Both my mother and my father do not pray. My mum fasts but my dad does not. He drinks alcohol but still says he is a Muslim.

Anyway when I was 18, I met my husband and I researched Islam more and began to pray and fast. We married when I was 19. I am now 21 and I have just started to wear hijab, and my husband supports this alhamdulillah.

However my parents do not, and insist we are in a modern society (Australia) and if I want to wear the scarf I should move to a more Islamic country. I ignore what they say and continue to wear my hijab. One question I do think about time to time is; would I be considered a convert even though I believed but didn't know how important it was to be practicing my faith?

Now, my problem is that no one in my family prays; not even my husband. He is a good Muslim man, in every way; he fasts, goes to Jumah at the mosque, doesnt drink, treats me with respect, except he smokes and does not pray - though he wants to soon inshallah.

My parents don't pray and neither do any of my 3 sisters.  One of my sisters has actually announced that she is no longer a Muslim and this saddens me a lot. She drinks and commits fornication. My younger sister is leading down the wrong path also, as she dresses in very skimpy clothes and goes out clubbing and to the discos at night. I have two young children under the age of 2 and I wish for them to pray inshallah but how can my family be a positive influence if they do not pray or display a good example?

Deniz

Sister Z's Answer:

Asalaamualaikum Deniz,

You are in a difficult situation, but remember Allah said he will test us, and it seems the He(swt) is testing you through your family.

CAN YOU BE CONSIDERED A CONVERT?

A well respected Sheikh I know addressed this question as I am sure many people ask themselves this same thing. Allah says that the message of Islam has reached every nation, so we have no excuse not to come to Islam. However, I believe what the Sheikh said, that Allah(swt) is referring to 'the true' message of Islam, not the distorted version that we are shown in the media or the confused culturally polluted version that our parents and families may bring us up in. And Allah knows best.

It seems that your parents did not give you the real message of Islam. This leads on to the topic of responsibilities of our parents.

PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITIES TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN:

Your parents had a responsibility to teach you the correct message. From what you have said, they obviously did not teach you the importance of Salaah or Sawm etc. But Alhumdulillah now that you have become aware of the true Islam, the responsibility lays on you to observe the commandments of Allah. I would advise you to do alot of tawbah and try your utmost best from now on to follow Allah's laws. Alot of us are in similar situations, as our parents have been following Islam blindly and it is not until we have made many mistakes and become adult that we actually realise what Islam is really about. Allah (swt) reminds us in Glorious Quran in Surah Luqman that our parents need to teach us about our deen:

V13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

V17:"O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma'ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

Alhumdulillah you have perservered in wearing your hijaab regardless of what your parents say to you. Remember this is a test for you. If your parents advise you to do something which Allah forbids, then do not listen to them, but still be good to them.

Allah (swt) says in Surah Luqman:

V14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

V15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

Persevere in observing Hijaab, continue to be good to your family and show them that practising your deen does not have a negative impact on your interaction with the wider community.

WE CAN ONLY PRESENT ISLAM TO THE PEOPLE:

We are responsible for presenting Islam to others once we have become aware of the truth ourselves. We must communicate this message in the best way possible, by adapting the method of dawah to suit that particular person. We cannot do more than this; the rest is up to Allah to guide them.

YOUR PARENTS AND SIBLINGS:

I understand you must feel very upset seeing that your siblings and parents are going so badly down the wrong path. Alhumdulillah your parents and two of your sisters have not denounced Islam, but they are clearly very weak in their eemaan and knowledge. All you can do is present Islam to them in a positive manner through your own example and advise them gently at the right time with the right words. If this does not work, then remind them of the punishment that they will be incurring on themselves by disobeying Allah.

If your parents do not see the importance of fasting and praying, show them the evidences. After believing in the Oneness of Allah, Salaah is the second pillar of Islam. After we die and are laying in our dark grave all alone, we will be asked who our Lord is, then we will be asked about our Salaah. All the pillars of Islam were communicated to Muhammad(saw) through Jibrael (as), apart from Salaah. It was so important, that Allah(swt) communicated this directly to Muhammed (saw) on his night journey (Lailat-ul-Miraj) to the heavens. If we do not do observe Salaah, how can we establish any connection with our Creator?

Allah (swt) says in Surah An-Nisa:

V4. Those who perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as- Salat) and give Zakat and they have faith in the Hereafter with certainty.

V5. Such are on guidance from their Lord, and such are the successful.

V6. And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e.music, singing, etc.) to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah without knowledge, and takes it (Path of Allah/Verse of Qur'an) by way of mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hell-fire).

V7. And when Our Verses (of Quran) are recited to such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he heard them not, as if there were deafness in his ear. So announce to him a painful torment.

V8. Verily, those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, for them are Gardens of delight (Paradise).

V9. To abide therein. It is a Promise of Allah in truth. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.

Maybe during Ramadaan, you could invite your family over for an Iftaari and arrange to do the Maghrib Salaah together.

Show your father the evidence that alcohol is forbidden in Islam.

Allah Ta’ala states in the Holy Qur’aan: -

O You who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones and (divination by) arrows are an abomination of Satan’s handiwork. Avoid (such abominations) that you may prosper. (5:90)

Some people think that because Allah(swt) uses the word 'intoxicants' this is not a clear description of alcohol, but we know that alcohol is an intoxicant and is so forbidden. If your father still is not convinced, show him the following hadiths below; as Muslims, we must believe in the authentic hadith of our Prophet(saw).

Ibn Umar (ra) reported that Muhammed(saw) said, "Every intoxicant is khamr (wine) and every intoxicant is haraam (unlawful). Whosoever drinks wine in this world and dies whilst consumed in it and does not repent will not drink it in the next world. (Muslim)

Abdullah ibn Umar (ra) reports that the Prophet (saw) said, "Whosoever drinks wine, Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. And if he repeats it Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. And if he repeats it again Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. If he repeats it for the fourth time Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will not accept it and he will be made to drink from the river of impurities (of the inmates of hell)." (Tirmidhi, Nasai, Ibn Majah and Daarami from Ibn Amr)

Jabir (ra) narrated that Muhammedc(saw) said; "Whatever intoxicates in a greater quantity is also unlawful in its smaller quantity." (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah)

These are just a few evidences, there are many more, see: http://www.inter-islam.org/Prohibitions/drugs.htm

I understand your parents/siblings may not want to listen to any of this, so you would need to choose the right words to say, at the right time and in the right way and be careful not to come across as though you are giving them a lecture. May be you could try to spend time with your sisters making sure to include the one who has denounced Islam. Try to build a trusting relationship with them. So do not talk about Islam with them all the time, but try to find the right time to add positive comments about it. It seems that your sisters have deep rooted issues as they have become lost in the world of drinking and clubbing etc.

But remember, you can only try. You have your own children to think about aswell now, so your first priority lies with improving your own deen and that of your children's. Be careful not to compromise the time you give them because of your sisters and parents. You can only do so much. Allah knows your intentions and your efforts will not go to waste.

I believe the best dawah is through a good example. Many people accepted Islam by just seeing living Islam personified through Muhammed (saw).

YOUR FAMILY UNIT - YOU, YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILDREN:

With regards to your children; you cannot rely on your family to be a good influence on them being in the state they are in. But Alhumdulillah, as you, your husband and your children are a separate family unit; you can take advantage of this. It is your house and your family, so you set the rules and be firm about them. When your siblings come to your house, be firm about what you expect from them while they are in your home - obviously without being rude. You should make clear that you do not want them talking about their boyfriends, clubbing etc in front of your children, and neither should they dress in an unislamic manner infront of them. If they do not want to believe in Islam or practise it, the very least they can do is not say or do anything contrary to Islam infront of your children.

Make Islam fun for your children, not a chore. There are lots of fun ways of learning and living Islam. Read them bed time stories a about the Prophets, play Islamic games with them. Tell them about influential figures in Islam, so they have positive role models. Make the two Eids fun to celebrate, decorate the house, exchange gifts etc.

All this will be easier if you have the support of your husband. Alhumdulillah, your husband is kind natured and wants to come towards the real Islam. If I were you, I would explain the importance of observing the pillars of Islam and further that you both now not only have a responsibility towards yourselves but also your children now. It is fard upon you to teach them their deen properly and you will be held accountable if you neglect this duty. Your children have specific rights over you and one of the most important of these is that you teach them about Allah and His beautiful religion.

I have added in some ayahs above from Surah Luqman as they were very poignant. Consensus is that Luqman(as) was not a prophet of Allah (swt), but he was a wali of Allah and a very pious and wise man. The Quran shows us in Surah Luqman some of the very simple words he would speak to his son, and I will take this opportunity to remind you again of the advice parents should be giving to their children from a very young age:

V12. And indeed We bestowed upon Luqman Al-Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: "Give thanks to Allah," and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his ownself. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All-Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

V13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

V16. "O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).

V17. "O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma'ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

V18. "And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

V19. "And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass."

I hope this reply helps inshaAllah. If you wish, we can collectively give you some practical tips on approaching your family, husband and children to beautify Islam to them. Of course Allah knows best, but its seems your intentions are sincere maashaAllah, remember you can only do so much. Also remember, if you want to make a change within your family, the positive change they see in you may have the biggest impact. So make lots of dua and ask Allah the Most Merciful to give you strength in eemaan and patience and yo guide your family towards Islam.

Best Wishes

Sister Z
IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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17 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaikum Deniz,

    You are in a difficult situation, but remember Allah said he will test us, and it seems the He(swt) is testing you through your family.

    CAN YOU BE CONSIDERED A CONVERT?
    A well respected Sheikh I know addressed this question as I am sure many people ask themselves this same thing. Allah says that the message of Islam has reached every nation, so we have no excuse not to come to Islam. However, I believe what the Sheikh said, that Allah(swt) is referring to 'the true' message of Islam, not the distorted version that we are shown in the media or the confused culturally polluted version that our parents and families may bring us up in. And Allah knows best.

    It seems that your parents did not give you the real message of Islam. This leads on to the topic of responsibilities of our parents.

    PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITIES TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN:
    Your parents had a responsibility to teach you the correct message. From what you have said, they obviously did not teach you the importance of Salaah or Sawm etc. But Alhumdulillah now that you have become aware of the true Islam, the responsibility lays on you to observe the commandments of Allah. I would advise you to do alot of tawbah and try your utmost best from now on to follow Allah's laws. Alot of us are in similar situations, as our parents have been following Islam blindly and it is not until we have made many mistakes and become adult that we actually realise what Islam is really about. Allah (swt) reminds us in Glorious Quran in Surah Luqman that our parents need to teach us about our deen:

    V13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

    V17:"O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma'ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

    Alhumdulillah you have perservered in wearing your hijaab regardless of what your parents say to you. Remember this is a test for you. If your parents advise you to do something which Allah forbids, then do not listen to them, but still be good to them.

    Allah (swt) says in Surah Luqman:

    V14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

    V15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

    Persevere in observing Hijaab, continue to be good to your family and show them that practising your deen does not have a negative impact on your interaction with the wider community.

    WE CAN ONLY PRESENT ISLAM TO THE PEOPLE:
    We are responsible for presenting Islam to others once we have become aware of the truth ourselves. We must communicate this message in the best way possible, by adapting the method of dawah to suit that particular person. We cannot do more than this; the rest is up to Allah to guide them.

    YOUR PARENTS AND SIBLINGS:
    I understand you must feel very upset seeing that your siblings and parents are going so badly down the wrong path. Alhumdulillah your parents and two of your sisters have not denounced Islam, but they are clearly very weak in their eemaan and knowledge. All you can do is present Islam to them in a positive manner through your own example and advise them gently at the right time with the right words. If this does not work, then remind them of the punishment that they will be incurring on themselves by disobeying Allah.

    If your parents do not see the importance of fasting and praying, show them the evidences. After believing in the Oneness of Allah, Salaah is the second pillar of Islam. After we die and are laying in our dark grave all alone, we will be asked who our Lord is, then we will be asked about our Salaah. All the pillars of Islam were communicated to Muhammad(saw) through Jibrael (as), apart from Salaah. It was so important, that Allah(swt) communicated this directly to Muhammed (saw) on his night journey (Lailat-ul-Miraj) to the heavens. If we do not do observe Salaah, how can we establish any connection with our Creator?

    Allah (swt) says in Surah An-Nisa:

    V4. Those who perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as- Salat) and give Zakat and they have faith in the Hereafter with certainty.

    V5. Such are on guidance from their Lord, and such are the successful.

    V6. And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e.music, singing, etc.) to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah without knowledge, and takes it (Path of Allah/Verse of Qur'an) by way of mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hell-fire).

    V7. And when Our Verses (of Quran) are recited to such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he heard them not, as if there were deafness in his ear. So announce to him a painful torment.

    V8. Verily, those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, for them are Gardens of delight (Paradise).

    V9. To abide therein. It is a Promise of Allah in truth. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.

    Maybe during Ramadaan, you could invite your family over for an Iftaari and arrange to do the Maghrib Salaah together.

    Show your father the evidence that alcohol is forbidden in Islam.

    Allah Ta’ala states in the Holy Qur’aan: -

    O You who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones and (divination by) arrows are an abomination of Satan’s handiwork. Avoid (such abominations) that you may prosper. (5:90)

    Some people think that because Allah(swt) uses the word 'intoxicants' this is not a clear description of alcohol, but we know that alcohol is an intoxicant and is so forbidden. If your father still is not convinced, show him the following hadiths below; as Muslims, we must believe in the authentic hadith of our Prophet(saw).

    Ibn Umar (ra) reported that Muhammed(saw) said, "Every intoxicant is khamr (wine) and every intoxicant is haraam (unlawful). Whosoever drinks wine in this world and dies whilst consumed in it and does not repent will not drink it in the next world. (Muslim)

    Abdullah ibn Umar (ra) reports that the Prophet (saw) said, "Whosoever drinks wine, Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. And if he repeats it Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. And if he repeats it again Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will forgive him. If he repeats it for the fourth time Allah will not accept his prayer for 40 days. If he seeks repentance Allah will not accept it and he will be made to drink from the river of impurities (of the inmates of hell). (Tirmidhi, Nasai, Ibn Majah and Daarami from Ibn Amr)

    Jabir (ra) narrated that Muhammedc(saw) said; "Whatever intoxicates in a greater quantity is also unlawful in its smaller quantity." (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah)

    These are just a few evidences, there are many more, see: http://www.inter-islam.org/Prohibitions/drugs.htm

    I understand your parents/siblings may not want to listen to any of this, so you would need to choose the right words to say, at the right time and in the right way and be careful not to come across as though you are giving them a lecture. May be you could try to spend time with your sisters making sure to include the one who has denounced Islam. Try to build a trusting relationship with them. So do not talk about Islam with them all the time, but try to find the right time to add positive comments about it. It seems that your sisters have deep rooted issues as they have become lost in the world of drinking and clubbing etc.

    But remember, you can only try. You have your own children to think about aswell now, so your first priority lies with improving your own deen and that of your children's. Be careful not to compromise the time you give them because of your sisters and parents. You can only do so much. Allah knows your intentions and your efforts will not go to waste.

    I believe the best dawah is through a good example. Many people accepted Islam by just seeing living Islam personified through Muhammed (saw).

    YOUR FAMILY UNIT - YOU, YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILDREN:
    With regards to your children; you cannot rely on your family to be a good influence on them being in the state they are in. But Alhumdulillah, as you, your husband and your children are a separate family unit; you can take advantage of this. It is your house and your family, so you set the rules and be firm about them. When your siblings come to your house, be firm about what you expect from them while they are in your home - obviously without being rude. You should make clear that you do not want them talking about their boyfriends, clubbing etc in front of your children, and neither should they dress in an unislamic manner infront of them. If they do not want to believe in Islam or practise it, the very least they can do is not say or do anything contrary to Islam infront of your children.

    Make Islam fun for your children, not a chore. There are lots of fun ways of learning and living Islam. Read them bed time stories a about the Prophets, play Islamic games with them. Tell them about influential figures in Islam, so they have positive role models. Make the two Eids fun to celebrate, decorate the house, exchange gifts etc.

    All this will be easier if you have the support of your husband. Alhumdulillah, your husband is kind natured and wants to come towards the real Islam. If I were you, I would explain the importance of observing the pillars of Islam and further that you both now not only have a responsibility towards yourselves but also your children now. It is fard upon you to teach them their deen properly and you will be held accountable if you neglect this duty. Your children have specific rights over you and one of the most important of these is that you teach them about Allah and His beautiful religion.

    I have added in some ayahs above from Surah Luqman as they were very poignant. Consensus is that Luqman(as) was not a prophet of Allah(swt), but he was a wali of Allah and a very pious and wise man. The Quran shows us in Surah Luqman some of the very simple words he would speak to his son, and I will take this opportunity to remind you again of the advice parents should be giving to their children from a very young age:

    V12. And indeed We bestowed upon Luqman Al-Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: "Give thanks to Allah," and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his ownself. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All-Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

    V13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

    V16. "O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).

    V17. "O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (perform As-Salat), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma'ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

    V18. "And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

    V19. "And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass."

    I hope this reply helps inshaAllah. If you wish, we can collectively give you some practical tips on approaching your family, husband and children to beautify Islam to them. Of course Allah knows best, but its seems your intentions are sincere maashaAllah, remember you can only do so much. Also remember, if you want to make a change within your family, the positive change they see in you may have the biggest impact. So make lots of dua and ask Allah the Most Merciful to give you strength in eemaan and patience and yo guide your family towards Islam.

    Best Wishes

    Sister Z

  2. Ma-sha-Allah Sister Z, what a thorough and thoughtful answer. You have clearly been studying Surat Luqman!

  3. Br Wael,

    May Allah give us the eemaan and patience to not only repeat His words, but to also act positively upon them InshaAllah. Aameen.

    "Whoever desires honour – therefore all honour is in the Hands of Allah! Towards Him only ascends the pure good speech, and He raises high the pious deed........" (Fatir 35:10)

    • sisterz, is it not you who posted this text?"

      • No. This post was written by a sister called 'Deniz'. But because she couldnt submit it for some reason, she emailed it to us and I posted it, hence my name appears at the top. Funny huh, it looks as though I submitted it and then answered it myself too.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Back in those days we used to allow people to send their questions by email, then we would post the questions on their behalf. So you'll see many older posts that were posted by me or SisterZ.

        We stopped doing that because the number of questions arriving by email was impossible to handle. We were literally getting 20 questions per day.

        By requiring people to log in and write their own questions, we have made the process somewhat more difficult, but at least now the number of questions is down to a somewhat more manageable level (though the waiting period is still more than a month).

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • 'Back in those days' - Thats funny Wael, you make us both sound like dinasaurs or from the 'black and white' days as I used to say (black and white, as in non colour tv).

          Hmm, now wheres my walking stick old' boy?

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. laa iilaha iila alah mohamedn rasol alalah i was really shooked wat u hav told me but may alah help u

  5. mashallah sis z has told u enough but i think if u want to attract someone towards islam attract them by your action's... if you say them and try to show them the right way or right path, path of islam they will close their ears if you show them something releted to islam they will close their eyes. in sureh baqarah it is said "mohar lagadi allah ne unke dilo par" so, best way is attract them by your actions ! leave rest on allah he will take care of it inshallah

  6. Assalamo Alaykom. May ALLAH guide your kids, mother, fathers and sisters to ISlam.Always make dua everyday before you make da'hwa to your family and community by your words and actions." Allahumma! ahdiyhim ila siratika mustaqeemah." Ya Allah! guide them to your straight path." Allahumma! ahdiyhi ila siratika mustaqeemah." Ya Allah! guide him to your straight path." Allahumma! ahdiyhaa ilaa siratika mustaqeemah." Ya Allah! guide her to your straight path." Allahumma! ahdiy ummiy wa abiy ila siratika mustaqeemah." Ya ALLAh! guide my mother and my father to your straight path." Everyday morning and afternoon, evening, after midnight, always include the said dua and repeat it many times at least 3 times. Allah prmised and said:(( 'ud-uwniy astajiblakom.)) pray to me I answer for your prayers(dua).Whenever you meet your kids or take care of your kids say this dua while pressing gently or rubbing their chests:(( Allahumma! faqihhu fid diyni wa 'allimhu tahwiylah.3 times) Ya Allah! help him understand the religion(Islam) and teach him the interpretation( Qur'an). ( Allahumma! faqqihhaa fid diyni wa 'allimhaa tahwiylah.") Yav Allah! make her understnad religion(Islam) and teach him the interpretation( Qur'an, dreams, etc). ( Allahumma 'allimhul hikmata wa tahwiylal qur'ani. 3 times at least morning and afternoon or evening) Ya Allah! teach him wisdom( Sunnah, etc) and the correct interpretation of the Holy Qur'an.)) (( Allahumma! 'allimhal hikmata wa tahwiylal qur'ani.) Ya Allah! teach him the wisdom( Sunnah, etc,) and the correct interpretation of the Holy Qur'an.)) (( Allahumma! allimhul kitaaba wa elman naafian." Ya Allah! help him study(know and understand correctly )the book( The Holy Qur'an, etc) and help him study (Know and understand Useful science or knowledge.))(( Allahumma! 'allimhal kitaaba wa Elman Naafian." Ya ALLAH!help her study/know understand correctly the Book( i.e. Holy Qur'an, etc) and Useful science or knowledge/education. make these dua it at least 3 times morning and afternoon or evening for your kids consistently until you will see the best result while rubbing or pressing their chest gently as our Holy Prophet S.A.W. did to Abdullah ibno Abbas(R.A..). Your kids will be number one or two in the Madrasa and schools, Insha Allah.They will be successful, Insha Allah.An Imam who was jobless here in my community told his wife to make the dua for their kids whenever she was going hold or rubs their chest gently after taking a bath and before going to bed daily.All their children more than 10 in numbers became successful scholars in Schools and madrasah who graduated with comlaude or honors. May Allah help you always.Wassalamo alaykom.

    • Br. Abu Ahmad
      You have shared wonderful ways of asking Allah to guide loved ones back to the path of Islam. I am unmarried and have no kids, but love my nephews dearly. However, their parents (my siblings and their spouses) think I am "too religious" because they are not practising Islam in their daily lives but are after the duniyah, hence their sons are into drinking and premarital sexual relations etc. How can I do what you have suggested if I cannot get to hold/hug my siblings and my nephews to be able to rub their chests (and get them to wonder if I have gone nuts doing that!!)? I do not want my parents bloodline to be away from Islam, when they are good muslims and gave us all good values, but as we grew older, my siblings drifted away. I am inshallah planning for hajj next year and have been told that I am a "fundamentalist".

      thanks

      • Dear Sister,

        You are not a 'fundo'. It so hard though when we see our loved ones drifting away on to the wrong path. Keep being a 'loving' but 'firm' aunt, giving 'reminders' when appropriate, at the same time trying to keep the door of 'communication' open. Its tough. So remember, you can only try - the rest is up to Allah. Allah guides whom He wills.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Sr. Z
          Thanks for the vote of confidence in me 🙂
          Well, my oldest nephew (26 yr) is marrying a nonmuslim and the next one (21 yr) has a live in relationship for the past 4 years.....my siblings keep me away from these nephews (and their younger ones aged 20, 19, 18 yrs) bec they think, as I said above, "too religious" and don't WANT them to learn from me about Islam, and you are right, Sr. Z, it hurts to see them straying. The fiance of the one who is getting married is a sikh girl and apparently acc to my sister has wanted to know about Islam - I offerred that she could talk with me anytime and since then this girl does not answer my emails/Skype with me when she used to make contact with me atleast once a week.
          I think I have done my duty and rather than burn the bridges of civility that exist between us, I will stay away from discussing religion at all with them. May Allah understand that I tried and have been rejected, and bring them back by opening their hearts to Him and His way. Ameen.

  7. sister, i want for you what i want for myself as every muslim should, so all i can do for you is to make du'aa for you everytime i remeber your situation

  8. Hi, what should I do.. I like to look up namaaz for special nights (Extra namaaz not the obligatory namaaz lool) and it takes some time to you know copy and paste all the instructions and stuff and finally print it out, and my sibling gets extremely mad at me and he wants me to spend time with him, but I don't feel like watching tv when I can be doing something which is soo much better (pray) he always says youre just trying to do all this just for show, all of this is going to do nothing for you or says youre doing this 24/7 and when im praying (the extra namaaz) he says stuff like Hah you did it all wrong and I got fed up and said why the heck do you prevent me from doin this!? just because u dont want to be on the right track doesnt mean i have to follow you? and he got extremely mad at me!
    Sometimes I feel like just living somewhere else where I can be as religious as I please, regardless of sins that I have commited in the past... what do you think about this?

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