Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband drinks alcohol heavily

O You who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones and (divination by) arrows are an abomination of Satan’s handiwork. Avoid (such abominations) that you may prosper. (Quran 5:90)

Salaam alekom brothers and sisters

I need major help please do help me with the right information. My husband drinks beer every night and drinks heavily on weekends and he always wants to have sex and sometimes he gets his way just to avoid the problems.

I know it's haram but I dont know the whole Sura or Hadith.

Please if you know anything about it send me the the whole Hadith or Sura because I want it to prove it to him.

Salamo Alekom

-Lost Muslimah

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15 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister, As-salamu alaykum,

    There is plenty of evidence that drinking alcohol is haram. See this previous post for some of those evidences:

    Make sure you scroll down to read it all, as the part about alcohol appears midway down SisterZ's answer.

    However, it's not going to be a simple matter of giving your husband the evidence. Surely you don't think that when you show him some ayaat and hadith he will quit? Every Muslim already knows that alcohol is haram, and I'm sure that your husband knows it too. In fact even most non-Muslims know this about Muslims.

    Your husband will continue to argue and seek more excuses because he is an alcoholic, and because he does not care about Allah's laws. If he cared, he would not behave as he does. And he may in fact be addicted to alcohol and unable to stop.

    One thing you must accept is that you cannot make him stop. It has to come from him, from his own heart and soul. He has to want to change. If he decides that he wants to change his life and stop drinking, he should start going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. They can help him. He must also make tawbah to Allah, and start doing his prayers, and change his life.

    If he does not want to change, then the ball is really in your court. You can accept this awful situation as it is, and live with it (if you can call it living), or you can choose a life without this man. It's really up to you.

    Wael Editor

    • As salamu alaykum, my dear Muslimah,

      When we live with a person that is in this situation we tend someway to overprotect them and we create a unhealthy bond that make it very difficult to leave them, this is called codependency.

      He is dependant on alcohol and you become dependant on dealing with this unhealthy behaviour. It seems you are strong enough to ask for help and you realize this is a wrong situation this seems to me that you are a step closer to solve this, alhamdulillah.

      All the steps that Wael has told you are the ones to be taken, related to him, there is no other way. And related to you, you need help too, because living with an alcoholic we get used to be in fear, to suffer abuse, to feel guilty,....and even if you get out of your marriage you will look for someone similar to him, then you need to heal your own situation to be ready for the world in the healthiest way possible, insha´Allah.

      He has his choices in life, you have yours too. Then act consequently with what you think is the best for you. He needs to wake up and recognize he has a problem. You know already that his problem is affecting you, then go ahead and open his eyes in the most loving way you can and show him there is a way to get out of that tunnel. Before you do this, please put your Heart in Allah´s Hands, and see your husband as a person with an addiction that needs professional help, that will help you to deal with the mixed emotions you will have during the process, insha´Allah.

      I am sure you will move step by step to improve your situation and yourself. Don´t doubt about looking for counselling if you think you need it, all this situation will help you to deal with many bad habits you may have right now, and how to bring out the best of yourself, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,


  2. Readers, any more advice for this sister?

    Wael Editor

  3. Walaikumasslalm Warakamathallahi Wabarakathuhu Sister,

    Show him videos such as:
    emphasizing why drinking alcohol is haraam and inshallah, you're husband will find the right the path to islam.

    Remember Sister: Indeed who Allah(swt) guides, there is none who can misguide him and whoever he misguides, none can guide him to the straight path.

    Make dua for him sister, but only he make the changes...It has to come from his heart like Br.Wael said . One of the videos that affected me positively was this :

    Best of luck Sister..And may Allah(swt) be with you through these hard time.

  4. Assalaamu alaikum. Sorry to hear your husband is straying dear sis. Its always extremely painful to see our loved ones away from the straight path. I pray that Allah swt guides your husband and eases your pain. I found it really difficult to offer advice on this as it completely depends on your husband situation. As brother Wael said he may be a full blown alcoholic. He may have a stress/problem in his life and has displaced it onto this addiction.. I dont know - it doesnt justify it either way.

    From what you've said he is in denial. Dear sis, by all means show him the evidence if you think its safe to do so, but its likely that he will make excuses for himself.

    In a nutshell please take care of yourself. If he (InshaAllah) realises his problem and wants to stop, support him - be kind to him. If you argue in future, dont bring it up - Im sure you would do these things anyway.

    If he wants to continue as Wael said, its your up to you whether to leave/ stay. If he becomes abusive in anyway/ hits you - then quietly make arrangements to leave. If you do decide to stay, maybe set a 'cut-off' point in your head if things dont improve. But dear sis, know that you would be within your right to leave if you are unhappy.

    Also in your duas, always pray for your husbands guidance. Dont give up. Also, explain its haraam by all means and remind him that Allah is watching him, but dont continously chastise him as it will drive him away. Let me give u a personal e.g. A distant relatv suffered from addiction to an intoxicant. (He has been for years). It got so bad at one point led to stealing etc. His family knew and were on his case constantly about him. He retaliated by abuse, anger and fighting and hated islam. They had huge problems. When they left him alone a bit more (they still dissaprove of course) he calmed down. Now unfortunately he still suffers - but he no longer despises islam. He does some salat. His family continously made (and make dua fr him)I pray that Allah swt guides him and ur husband. So the point of that is that hassling him may drive him away.

    Im sorry I have offered conflicting advice - I find it difficult as as I said it depends on the person. You know your husband and how he thinks. I will make dua for him (and you InshaAllah.)
    I pray that Allah swt guides your husband an gives u both (& the Ummah) happiness and strong emaan!

  5. Assalamulaikum sister,

    I can thoroughly understand your situation as i have gone through exactly the same.
    Alhamdolilllah I am out of i now. I opted for Khula after tryin very hard to change him for good.
    He had all the bad habits which alcohol would carry with it. It is called the mother of all evils for a good reason indeed.

    I sincerely hope that in your case you will be able to change him . and do seek professional help and also help from his family and friends. May Allah SWT open your husbands heart and make it receptive.

    I used to think that there lies no future for me but now i realise that i was just too depressed to think there was anything good that could occur to me .i myself was getting affected by his habits of chain smoking and drinking and clubs etc etc... but life holds many good things for us and now i am leading a very happy and normal life. It has been a yr since i came back and i can say tht i am well past it .

    I really do hope that your husband will quit drinking but khuda na khasta if he does not then u have a way out of it which is permissible in the shariyat. we live only once sister...we have the right to live peacefully and happily.

    hope this is of some help.

  6. Salam sister,

    I have the same problem. I cannot give you advice but I seek advice as well. I cannot change him because he does not even pray salat and says he is muslim only by word sometimes and I have one child with him and expecting another soon. I feel responsible for deciding to have children with such a man thinking he will change one day and now if I leave him, my children may stay with him and what have I done. I do not know if its islamically right to leave my children into the hands of an alcoolic to "Save" myself, as I do not live in a muslim country or stay with them, with the risk that my children also will be misguided or try to protect them when I do not have any power to do so, I am also in a verge to become depressive from the entire situation. I have also commited some sins in the past that leave me to think that it may be Allah's punishment for me, but I have repented so I think should I stay more like this that Allah sees that I have repented and maybe then He will help me by guiding the father of my children or I will get the courage to leave him?

    Will you pray for me please!

    • Sister Jana,

      Please log in and submit your question, this way we may be able to help you,insha´Allah.

      Only Allah(swt) can bring the sparkle of change in our Heart, be a living example of muslimah, Allah(swt) is Ar-Rahmani, Ar-Raheem, look for forgiveness to you, the others and from you to yourself and from you to the others, do tawbah, true repentance will guide you to forgiveness, insha´Allah. Focus on your babies and on you, when you feel you need Allah(swt) guidance stronger think about performing Istikhara. Your salat on time and dua is very important for you, right now. " La hwala qwata illah billah"

      Allah(swt) knows best.

      All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

      María Editor

  7. Dear brother and sisters...

    I Was just reading the content so thought to write something about my life.I am 31 yr old blessed with a baby boy who is now 2 yrs.I am being married for 4 yrs now.
    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

  8. Hello my husband drinks and says he will change I gave him loads of chances thinkIng he will change he knows a lot abOut Islam but he says he can see tall black things I have taken him to see someone and they gave him something to wear verses from the Quran by it still not working I really need helP because it feels like I am losing him in a dark dark Place I need helP he has a lot anger inside of him what can I do

  9. Salaam,

    I think the best advice one could receive in a situation like this, instead of all the empty rhetoric above, is to figure out a way of helping your husband understand WHY he is drinking. If he is drinking heavily, he obviously doesn't care all that much about what Islam says about it. Maybe he's trying to numb his mind because he can't deal with some other issues in his life. Or it could be a dozen other reasons. We religious people stop asking the WHY question, and that is why we get nowhere. Good luck. And of course, always ask from help above.


  10. Asalaam Alaikum sister, It has been a few years since your question, but I feel compelled to reply. I have been married many years to a severe alcoholic with two children. We were both non-Muslim when we married & I converted & then he (which was a miraculous event in itself). First I will say that a lot of the advice that is given, even though well-meaning & seemingly logical is really not helpful. Most people do not understand addiction. The initial advice given about your husband was spot on, but it is also true that there is nothing you can do for your husband. Like most wives of an alcoholic I tried everything, explaining the health dangers, bringing evidence, crying, pleading & expressing every emotion in my desperation, paid for expensive addiction counseling for him, did an intervention & sent him through rehab, threatened divorce, tried to focus on the source..I could fill several volumes with everything that I tried. I finally started to heal & feel at peace after going to Al-Anon meetings, getting a sponsor & working the 12 steps myself. It is such a confusing, painful & impossible situation, that trying to go through it alone without the support of those who really understand is too much for most people. In Al-Anon I learned skills to detach with love & take care of myself & my children. When I finally gave up & really sincerely realized I was powerless to change my husband & stopped trying to reason with him, persuade him, etc, but really realized that ONLY Allah could change his heart, things became easier. All you can do is take care of yourself & your children, get help for yourself & make dua. Then what route to take will become more clear & easy for you. Alcoholism is a baffling disease. My husband pin-pointed the reasons he began to drink in counseling, he knew he had liver disease at a very young age, he knew he would harm his children & lose his marriage & he really wanted to quit, but still he drank. Even after he was out if his denial & realized he had a major problem he drank. Even after becoming Muslim as much as he tried he kept relapsing. Sometimes such things culminate in divorce. I also have seen many alcoholics fully recover & marriages that were horribly unhappy become blessed. In my case, with my second pregnancy I realized that to raise our children in this situation would be a form of child abuse. With the support of my sponsor & counselors I decided to tell my husband he either had to get help or I would file for divorce. The night before he started I had a dream where he told me he had changed his name to Bilal. I was familiar with the name but not the meaning. I looked it up the next day & the first definition I encountered from Google was , "Allah is the One who satisfies thirst." It was not overnight & it came to a point where both my husband & I felt no hope, but right when it was the darkest moment a miracle happened. My husband is now sober & our marriage is healing alhamdullilah. Insha'Allah Allah will continue to help us. With addiction there is no cure & no guarantees. Other alcoholics who I have since known who became sober & genuinely at peace all have one thing in common: there was no logical explanation, it was not anything anyone said, it was an unexplainable spiritual awakening. And those who have recovered I can honestly say are much more profoundly wise, mature & have more taqwa than you see except on very rare occasions amongst those who never struggled with addiction - so I believe it can be a profound blessing to struggle with addiction or to be struggle as a spouse or parent of an addict, even though it is a great hardship. Also there is a Muslim 12- step program: May Allah guide us all. I hope some if this helps. I know it is SO painful & your grief, frustration must be great, but please know you are not alone.

    • Jennifer thank you for your deeply understanding, sympathetic and hopeful words.

      Wael Editor

      • Salam , i have
        The same prb . My husband drinks wisky every single day . I have three kids. Lithle one is only one year .where i live alchol is like sold like water , i try yo get seperstion but then dont have thst coursge Living with this perdon ftom last 12. Years . Plz tell me sny dua that can help me .

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