My parents deny him for me because of caste issues
The caste system is not from Islam. It prevails in the Indian subcontinent because of the Hinduism.
Aoa!
M facing a pbm which many youngsters face nowadays but everyone has a dfferent way of dealing to it. My pbm iz dat i loved sumone n wanted to marry him n so does he. v r family friends but our family havnt met long time ago bcuz v live in different cities quite far in distance.
both of us came in touch thru fb..n my parents knw abt dat v r in touch on fb. but v didnt realized whn dis fb frndshp changed to love. i told ma sis to convey this 2 ma parents n she agreed happily. she talked in a informal way 2 ma mom n she said its not a suitable proposal.
i kept maself quite at dat tym coz i waz studying n ma parents had no plans of ma marrige during ma study so i thut to talk at a suitable tym . but both ov us realized dat its nearly impossible dat v get married az our families wont agree. so v thut v r hoping 4 d best but r still prepared 4 d worst.
Time passed n ma parents accepted a proposal of guy i hav nvr seen i cried alot but i kept maself quite n decided to go wid ma parents decision. but i waz unable to accept d relation n i keep on crying got v depressed.talked to my parents dy listened to me n tried 2 convince me but it ended up in my parents rejecting d proposal az i wasn't happy at all.
It waz d tym whn me n d person i love realized dat v actually cant live widout each oder. so v decided to talk to our parents once again.i keep on praying to Allah for the betterment of all ov us as only He knws whts better for us. First he talked to his parents n somehow they agreed.
after dat he asked me to talk to ma parents n so i did. but my parents didnt agree due to cast issues,family differences , financial status n all...i told dat to him n he said dat nw v shuld not stay in touch az it wuld b ov no use n a wrong thing to do.since then m xrtemly depressed...
i cnt get hm out ov ma mind..i try to keep maself bz but nthng helps me.i pray alot to Allah to help me cope wid ma pbms.
i asked d one i love dat let me talk 2 ma parents again let me tel dem wht m i going thru but he refused n said now he wont marry me bcuz evn if ma parents agree now they'll not accept him 4rm heart n will only accept d proposal under pressure whch eventually wil create pbms b/w both d families n in our relation too.
d thng 4 whch v had struggled d most will bcum a mess n he says he doznt want dat. he said he wanted me wid all my n his parents will in a gud way.n if its not happening den forcing parents z nt an option.so asked me to move on n stopped contacting me.
m doing wht he said but i cnt 4get hm.i think i wuldnt b able to love nyone again. ma parents want me to get married soon but m nt ready 4 a relation n i dun knw whn i'll b....i cry whn m alone...i cry whn i pray...but m unable to cum out ov dis gloomy phase...
i dun like nyhthng nw...i dun tke regular meals...i hate music cuz m afraid d lyrics remind me ov him...i dun knw wht to do...everythng reminds me ov him....i badly need counselling....
~ Roshni
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Assalamu alaikum sister i'm really sorry i tried my best to read it but is almost impossible,could you please write in proper english?its really hard to undertsand!
I agree with muslimgirl. It's like a foreign language, and it's not very considerate to the readers.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Aoa!!
I am so surprised to see the comments sorry to say but i am really disappointed. I just used the net language which everybody uses nowadays still if you had problem reading it you can just ask me to edit the spellings but you can't judge me by this that i am being lazy and not tried to express properly.this was quite harsh i guess people come here to seek help they should be treated nicely regardless of what there problem is.
anyways I can edit it but that option is not working can you please guide me in this?
salaam,
if a guy comes with a propasal and he has good religion and good charecter then your father should accept. your family refused him due to caste, status etc? thats how people in jahiliya (pre-islamic era) use to live. in islam status, caste doesnt mean a damn thing.
sadly vast majority of family hold onto rigid family tradition and culture, pure ignorance. explain to your parents status, caste means nothing, i dont know if your parents a practising muslim or not. you cant mix islam with culture and make up your own rules on the way.
ma salama
Commenting on the editor's answer, i dont think it is unreadable at all and i am sure she has done her best to portray her case.
On your case, you both came in touch through face book? and you are trusting what ever he says and vice versa?
I think aside from the whole caste issue and every thing, it is a huge risk and you should go with your parents' decision.
i am surprised they give caste a reason to refusing the proposal and not the fact that you met on face book? or may be you havent been completely honest with them?
Either way, forget him and move on.
I don't think she has done her best, and I don't think it's a matter of education. Looking only at the first line, does the sister not know that "M" is not a word? Or that "pbm" is not a word? It's just laziness, and it's inconsiderate to the reader.
Speaking realistically, if you want people to read your question and advise you, then don't make it hard for them. It's not an accident that this post received only two responses. Most people won't take the time to decipher this kind of text speak.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree here. What is v??? Was difficult to read. I gave up half way.
aoa!
Thank you brother for understanding my situation.We are family friends and its been quite long that our families met.we get again in touch through face book exchanged numbers of our parents n they talked.both the families were happy to be again in contact. I trust him completely n so does he.
Yes my parents were offended at my decision that why did i talk this much to him on Facebook and got this much involved. I am honest both with my parents and with him.
My parents have issues regarding caste, financial status etc. they say his parents will not accept you which will create problems in my married life as this usually happens.They also want to try best to secure my future so that I may not have to face the hardships as rest is in Allah's hand.
We never wanted to get married by offending our parents or choose any wrong path so we have decided to be apart but I can't get him off my mind.I can't forget him I have always seen him as my future husband now how can i give this place to anyone whom i don't love?
Hello
I am going through a very similar situation as yourself! The only difference is that the guy I'm in love with is the same caste. My family looked for many excuses to reject this proposal. He even begged my brothers to let me marry him. Everyone refused. However he had done some bad things in the past, but he had also changed a lot. His family made a big deal about my family refusing the proposal, you could say my life was hell for a couple of months. But I still can't get over him, I'm madly in love with him. All I do is cry and feel depressed. Due to the depression my hair has started falling out and the doctors havnt got a reason for it. The guy I'm getting married to is a nice man but he can never take his place no matter how hard i try. I don't know whether I should follow my heart or my mind. I would advise you to do ishtikar, the details are on the website. Good luck
Muslim sister
aoa!
I can understand your situation. I have tried my best to convince my parents but they are not accepting him and instead they are trying to convince me for another proposal. I did isthkhara but didn't get any clue that what i should be doing. my mother says if he was better for than Allah would have made a way for your marriage but if its not happening than accept what is coming to you because maybe that is what Allah's decision is. I can't love anybody else like I love him I don't want to live a life full of regrets...regret of not marrying the one I love..regret of not being fair with my husband as I wont be loving him.....I still don't know what to do. remeber me in your prayers.n I really pray May you get what is best for you and you get full satisfaction with that. amin
I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. I loved him like crazy. I still do and always will. I am 18 years old. My parents made me break up with my boyfriend even though we were the same nationality and religion. because we did it all behind my parents backs and that is disrespect. My family would not accept him. They said they would never talk to me if I ran away. Running away would have been the only way to be with him. He wasnt ready for marriage though. They made me get engaged to another guy that was ready. I hope i fall in love with him before the wedding. I will always love my ex. Inshallah i made the right decision by listening to my parents. I believe i did eventhough it hurts 🙁 Love sucks.. when you cant marry the person you want to. May Allah be with you all.
awwwh omg sanella i feel ur pain sooo much because similar thing happen to me its sad how parents don't let you fully pick your life partner due to stupidity reason my one was based on culture although he was Asian he wasn't specifically my kind did that matter?
i wish you all the best in future with the guy your engaged to dw what ever happens happens for the best it may turn out better than you have thought in shaa allah don't give up on believing that.
loved ones come and go but only one will remain the one that Allah has chosen for you before u settled earth allah has made everyone a couple sent from heavens who allah sees them most compatible with so take it as allahs blessing you've been given someone else.
if i could move on from my ex i wish i could but nowun wants me to get married right now from home even thought im right age and with their own choices which im finding it really difficult to move on from him so be glad you got someone new to distract urself and to move on because i don't want anyone else to go through the pain i do i got 5yrs to suffer it 🙁
Thank you Kay786. In a way it is easier cause i have someone to distract me from my ex but in a way it is harder. When I am with him I think about my ex sometimes. My fiance says he loves me and that i was his first true love. I have to lie to him 🙁
But what can i do, I listened to my parents, they raised me, Inshalla I made the right choice. And for you, you will find someone and you will love that person. When you fall in love with the person you will start to forget your ex a little. You will realize that Allah has chosen that person for you and you will be happy. I wish you the best in life, remember , there are people out there that are in the same situation as us, or even worse. May Allah be with you every step of the way. xo