Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents refusing marriage because of his salary


Im a 23 years girl, living in Europe, from immigrant parents. To make a summary of my situation: i'm trying to convince my parents since 8 months to get married with somebody i really love. He's somebody very serious about religion, his character is very strong and he's a very respectable person. He's working on a domain where he enjoys and he always gives his best for what he's doing. There is absolutely nothing that can be a block for a marriage. I've known him for 2 years, i got to know a lot about him. I've searched about what religion tell us to do about choosing the partner with who we will live all our life, the talks of Imams and everything i could find.

But since 8 months, when i decided to share this happiness with my parents, that I met someone, my life became darker than ever.

I was always a sad girl, al Hamdulilah Allah put me and my family in a comfortable situation, all i could ask for i was receiving it. But my relation with family wasn't the best. I never found my place, i never felt loved by anyone of them. They are being over-focusing on studies only. And unfortunately i wasn't that ' smart ' girl, i was just a basic kid, with basic marks, nothing more. But with the mentality of my parents, i was always being humiliated about that. I've been beaten for that purpose, they insulted me a lot of times. It's like a heavy weight that i'm holding onto my bad since the first memories i still have from my childhood.

I never was someone who is open. I never express my feelings, i do keep everything inside of me because always i'm afraid to be humiliated from people.

When i fell in love with that man 1 year ago, i found someone who really pushing me up. I'm a believer, muslim, and some years ago sadly my love toward Allah was being destroyed by my depression and sadness. Not being able to ask for help, to have answers to all the questions i could have. But since i met him, things changed a lot in my life. My self-confidence increased, I started to assume my opinion about life in general, to express what i can feel, what do i think about that and that. From bad experiences i got in life and his presence, i decided to push myself up also and to become someone really better. I didn't want to let my sadness to eat me more than it did.

But one important thing became way strong: religion. My love toward Allah became so so so big, i'm praying very seriously, i'm always learning more and more about religion, and this man is helping me a lot in this. I couldn't be any more thankful to him, and especially to Allah who brought me such a good person on my way.

We both are 2 serious persons, hard workers, very religious.

But my parents are refusing because his salary isn't ' that high '. 8 months i'm trying to explain to them, to convince them, to show them that i do really want him. Is that normal to refuse for such reason? They humiliated me a lot while i was trying to explain them why i think that way, why i want him. i'm being honest and clear with them about everything. Both of my parents are refusing. Dad didn't want to meet him, the man talked one time with my mother after i tried to convince her to let him talk, and after that call she didn't want to change opinion.

This situation is really affecting me over much. i did my best to explain them, i was very calm with them, i never crossed my limits. But i never held anything back. I'm feeling like i'm suffocating. I have no family to help me, neither siblings. I'm completely alone. I'm broken. They put themselves as victims always, and i don't understand why.

With all my respect brothers and sisters, i don't want to see answers like ' the agreement of a Wali in islam is obligatory ' etc.. because i do know all these rules. i'm very conscious of them. But in a case of parents being horrible with me and refusing for the incorrect motives, what could i do? I wanna avoid the case of marrying without my parents, but what else is possible?

I thank u for ur attention, may Allah protect you and your families.


1 Responses »

  1. If your parents objection is based on something wrong or immoral, which seems to be the case then I don't think you need to follow them. Can he maintain you? Keep you clothed, provide a dwelling/home, feed you and the same for any children you may be blessed with, are the questions you need to ask.
    Where is his family or parents in this? You mention you know lots of him but have you met his family a secret relationship is not recommendable. It's great that you are both strong in faith. I think you already know the answer to your question. Either you can wait around for your parents approval which may come along or not, or you can marry him without their approval. Not many other options really. All the best and I hope things work out for you

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