I keep quarreling with my sister inlaw
As salaam walaykum ,
I'm a house wife married for 7 years now. Its a love marriage and MashaAllah my husband is really good and caring. but the problem i have with, is my sis in law who is married for 6 years and still lives with us. Ours is a joint family and were very happy with each others company until my sis in law joined us.
After my marriage we were close like friends and shared everything after 1 year she got married and went to her husbands house which is also a joint family. she got pregnant within 1 year of marriage and her husband left her with us and went to saudi for work for 2 years. I didn't liked this as she was here to stay for 2 years but still i adjusted time kept on going and she had a girl. My daughter was 2 yrs old when she delivered. As her child started growing up my child was ignored and she questioned me for that. Slowly my sis in law started looking after the house, all the bills, all the expenditures, and I was also ignored but still I never said anything as I thought that when her husband will come back she has to go that time i will be the only dominator of this house. But to my shock, her husband came after 2 yrs and stayed with us they both went to meet her in laws and came back to stay with us her husband never asked to go to his parents and they both lived in the house like it was theirs.
I coudn't bare this and bursted out I quarrelled with my sis and mom in law and explained them how frustrating it is to live like this. But they started shouting at me and told me to fear Allah as I also have a daughter. After hearing this I was really scared of Allah and asked for forgiveness. When i spoke about this to my husband he said that you don't interfere in her matter and just think about the rest of us as she has to go to her house some day why send her by insulting. I listened to him and started concentrating on my daughter, husband and myself. But there was no change in the house everything was looked upon by her and I was there to clean and cook.
Four years later that the situation is still the same. Her husband has again gone to saudi and she is living with us but every second there is quarelling between us and there is no peace in the house. My mother in law supports her and says that she will stay here only and doesn't need to be afraid of any one because I'm jealous of her so I keep fighting with her. And my husband says that she is his only sister and he loves both of us equally she is alone and I have to adjust with her. Now I really feel jealous of her and get frustrated on small things and keep on quarelling I'm scared of Allah for punishing me for this kind of behaviour I'm lost I dont understand wether I'm a good person or not. What should I do?
-Shaaz
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Salaams,
So you and your husband were living with his mother/father when his sister came to stay with you. Eventually her husband came to live there too, and there were three couples living in the same home. Now that her husband is back in Saudi, you are still having difficulty living there with your mother in law and sister in law.
I tend to think that your mother in law is going to favor your husband and sister in law's feelings and thoughts over yours since they happen to be her blood children. I'm not saying this is fair, it just tends to be human nature. I am not sure what situation you and your husband are in that requires you to stay with your mother in law, but it sounds like it's time for the pair of you to find a place of your own and have some time to yourselves as a family. I don't think it's reasonable for him to force you to endure a chaotic living situation that you have tried your best to manage for several years.
If an amicable agreement can not be reached about this matter, I suggest you take a vacation and go visit your own family. They can support you and help you focus on what you can do to cope with things better, and maybe offer suggestions of alternative places you and your husband can live. Your husband should be looking toward your best interests as his wife, since his mother and sister have husbands of their own to look out for them. It sounds like he is forgetting that no one is going to stand up for your needs except him. Plead your cause to your father and any other male relatives you might have whom you are close with, and perhaps they can advocate on your behalf and inspire your husband to be more sensitive to your needs in this situation.
As a wife, you have a right to your own space and domain. Hopefully your husband will be more responsive to this fact if the others who do care about you can effectively remind him of this.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister when you married you moved into their home and made it yours and she welcomed you and you said you were like sister, 1 year later she got married moved out for a year and then moved back in, so she has been away for only a year, and in that year you got use to running things your way, but it was only a year she was away for could so much have changed i mean you have so much in common both blessed with girls, this is her childhood home she should never feel that she cant be comfortable their and its wrong of you to feel that she is taking over, her husband is away and she most likely feels very lonely the best place for her is her parents home, as for the cleaning you should share this and all the other stuff, i think you should try and become friends again it looks like your both not going anywhere, its Ramadan take this opportunity to start your friendship again sit down as a family and just let your heart out tell everything you been feeling overlooked pushed out children being treated differently in your eyes just let it all out in a calm and respectful way and insha'Allah all will be good in the end.
My husband was in Qatar & my mother in law was died , I was living with my family ,my husband always forced me to live with their sister'in laws house. My sister law always called my husband to tell that your wife should stay with us not their family .me & my husband always have querrel s with each other .becoz of my sister in law interference .i' m actually fed up of this wat can I do for it
Each & every decision he taken to ask her sister in law & her
husband I don't know what to do
Ask your husband what law and rule says that you have to stay with your sister in law and not your family. Living with sisters in law and being under her rule is a cultural thing. Speak to your husband clearly and demand answers. The longer you wait the more the relationship with deteriorate.