Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Questioning my behaviour towards my parents

disappointed father

assalam o alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

I have some questions regarding my behaviour towards my mother and father

1) my father is very strict guy, he is a very nice guy but many times he is angry and sometimes when he scolds me, which i think is unfair. i reply, i know that i shouldn't do that and he has been very supportive to me - for example he spent an awful lot of money to sent me abroad for education. i have temper problems, i get angry easily, is there any prayer to relax my anger issues, how to repent my misbehaviour towards him?

2) the relation with my mother is wonderful, she likes me a lot and among my siblings i'm her favourite, but i have anger issues and i have done things which greately upset me. in anger i have thrown things at her and she later told me how upset she was and she is diabetic. i'm very upset, usually i treat my mother very well and do things to her that she prays for me, but i'm going through rough period of my life and things are not working out so i have got temper issues lately. my mother has also scolded me lately and regular dose of scolding from my mother and father has changed my temperament.

3) i was a very young kid and i wasn't mature at lot, very very young. i have an uncle who is a friend of my father he is our guardian because our father was always away from home abroad for job purpose. so he used to come and give company to us, help us and may Allah reward him for what he has done to our family. i like him very much and he is a very good person, helped us a lot. i was young and stupid and immature and there was time when he can for a sleep over with us. what got into me that i scolded my mother, why you let him sleep over our house. i then regretted what i did and to this day decades have passed i still cannot forgive myself, my mother or uncle may not even remember this misbehaviour. will Allah ever forgive me for that?

4) generally i am very good son to my parents, i am a good person in general and i listen to them and do everything they ask, but i have sometimes upset them through my anger issues, how to ask forgiveness from Allah and from my parents and how to repent it, and how to avoid any future misconduct

thanks for your guidence in advance, looking foreward to good advices




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6 Responses »

  1. You sound like a good kid whose just struggling with his anger however if the uncle wasnt your mothers brother he shouldnt have slept over so I understand why you may have been angry. Your asking your mother that question wasnt.inappropriate in my opinion. Maybe.just the way you All you can do is ask for forgiveness and to forgive yourslf.

    Also I heard everytime you get angry reading darood sharif helps. If ur sitting stand or vice versa. One person once also advised me to do wudu when angry.

  2. Brother. I grew up with a very angry father and I can tell you anger is ugly. It's scary, it's unnecessary and there are much much much better ways of dealing with life.

    I grew up with a father who also got very very angry, and I see this in myself at this advice goes for me and you.

    1. There are ways of being in the world, and being a time bomb does not help. If you are a person that has negative thoughts and builds them up and up and up and then explode at people ...then you need to remember to think internally. When you sense anger, step away from the situation- stop your negative thoughts and talk to yourself. ask questions like....

    - why am i angry right now? is it neccesary to be angry at this moment?
    -can i discuss this later with the person in a more calm manner?
    - do i have a role to play in this problem, argument, and what is my fault in this? you are always at fault somewhere- people dont deserve to be humiliated and yelled one deserves it!

    Dont be that person who walks around and reacts to life, you have to be a thinker, and understand where your anger is coming from. it doesnt come from me. Its comes from your negative thoughts.

    2. STop, STop stop and think before you speak. Is this worth saying? pause, take a breath and speak when you are angry. Pause and speak. dont just let your mouth blubber off. Your motuh will speak against you on the day of judgment, and tell Allah what you said- keep it in control before it send you to a place you dont want to go.

    3. Athou billahi min alshaitan alrajeem. I seek refuge with Allah from shaitan. Memorize it, love it, embrace it. Shaitan is trying to break up your relationships and make you hate your mom, dad, bro and who ever you live with. Just cast him away and remember you are better than that. Just say that when you feel angry.

    4. Apologize. we are only human and we make a ton of mistakes. I sometime feel so bad, i just tell my son, I am sorry, mommy was wrong and I love you. Please hug your parents, tell them you were wrong and acknowledge what you have done, it makes a big difference. dont be shy about being sorry. When you cant speak, write i am sorry. When you cant say anything, a hug will do.

    Most importantly brother, we are incharge of our bodies and we are being judged on what we say and do. Dont make the mistake of blaming others for your anger. Stop and pause and think before you speak- and just walk away if you feel angry.

  3. oh...and if you are mad at someone. please leave them..walk away. go to your computer, pop up a word document/your notes and write down a note explaining why you are upset and what you are feeling.

    Trust me, by the time you are finished writing this- you will be cured of all your anger. delete the note, and move on.

    if you are not, then it gives you notes on what to say in a calm and easy manner, vs explosive and destructive and unplanned.

  4. Throwing things at your mother and losing your temper at both your parents is a terrible sin. You will be questions on the day of judgement. But, you recognize that your behaviour is very wrong, and that shows a lot of maturity. This is the first step toward a better future. Honestly, you are very, very lucky that your mother has not severed ties with you.

    My advice is to seek anger management counselling. The advice sister Samira has given you is good, and you should follow it. But you need some serious behaviour modification therapy with a specialist. Don't be afraid of seeking this out. It will only benefit you, and now is the time, before you get married and have children of your own. If you work hard at change , God will help you IA.

  5. The brothers story matches my story
    I get angry with my parents and back answer them
    And I also notice during my lesiure time I get pictures of the arguments that happened between my parents and me and I become more angry and bad thoughts come in my mind I know this is work of shaitan but I need to control my back answering to my parents which I fail to do so

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