Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexual relationship with wife

wedding night bed

This is male 26 newly married(7months). my wife and I are very good human with average Islamic knowledge but very happy. I provide almost every common things she needs and she is very happy in today's era car house clothes food hangout movies etc very good and my parents are really happy with her.

I have been a bad human before and only allah can forgive for the sins but I hate the past and very happy with present and looking for a better future..

Since I have had multiple sexual relations before and everything I don't have Hugh sex drive anymore and my wife is pretty much a virgin as I know her family background and since I know women alot I can tell that after living for 7 months with her...

The thing is she is not interested in sex and because I have had so much bad past I also feel fine and I am never upset or sad when she gives me excuse if I try...

But i am just scared since I want to be nice muslim if this is my duty to satisfy her or if angels or allah is angry at her bcz of me? I don't want sex from her if she cannot give me and I want her to go to heaven and that's why even if I have 1% sad feeling about sex I just say allah I am happy and not upset with her I swear dont be angry on. Her I beg... But on. My part I m scared if she curse me for not giving her sex?   Since as I know women well but in this case by grace of Allah I am very nice husband overall so i have doubt she is happy with everything else also the other thing I am scared is if she doesn't find me attractive? Since I'm not a handsome guy compare to average but women do get attached with guys if together so that shouldn't be issue..

My question is is it ok if we r happy and we don't sex at all or is it a must to have sex also i dont want kids now aswell so sex for pleasure is the only thing I'm worried about her the most

Nehakim

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3 Responses »

  1. I'm in the same situation. But it's the reverse for me. I'm a female and my husband does not want to satisfy me. He doesn't want to see a doctor. Islam says a wife can divorce her husband if he does not satisfy her desires in a period of 4 months. It also says that the same punishment is bestowed upon the male. The angels will curse him til dawn if he doesn't satisfy his wife sexual desires. How true is that I'm not sure. Since ulama says the same punishment goes for men and women.

    Take it from a female and find out why she doesn't want sex. Its not normal for a couple not to want and have sex unless you are asexual or having some sorts of problems. Mental health issues. No libido etc. You should attention these issues early on in marriage so to avoid conflict.

    Like me I have been patient. Had relations less than 5 times in a span of 2 years. Ultimately it's up to me if I want to be patient and stick by my husband or divorce him. Do I decided to believe in Allah and hopefully my patience will be rewarded one day insyallah.

    I know you are afraid of having relations because of your past. But this shouldn't affect your current marriage. Alhamdullilah God has given you another chance at this. You have gotten a good wife.

    Affection and closeness comes through many things in marriage. How a wife treats her husband. Cuddles, cooking for spouse. Caring for spouse when he or she is sick. Ultimately sex is also and should be a vital part of marriage. That's how you get close, have passion and care for each other. A women wants to want and feel needed by her husband. She dresses up and look beautiful for her husband. Because she wants to be noticed by her husband.

    Hopefully you can get past your fears and have a one on one conversation with your wife. Insyallah things will go well.

  2. It's up to you what you do; If you are both happy with not having sex, then you don't have to have sex, I guess.

    However, sex is a natural and normal part of a healthy marriage - and if you want children some day, you kind of have to be intimate. It sounds to me like you might both have your reasons for being timid about sex - you, because you feel overly guilty about your past and her, because she's inexperienced and might not know what to do or what to expect. Have you ever actually talked about sex? I think it'd do you both good to have an open conversation about sex and intimacy, and work out why it is neither of you want sexual intimacy.

  3. I am so sorry for your wife. She deserved a virgin, pious man for herself.

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