Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should i go ahead with this proposal?

Salaam. My parents showed me a proposal 3 months ago. We met, with families. They came to our house, we went to theirs.. everything was going so well but something happened, due to a disagreement and in anger we both said no.. I'm 23, hes 25. We wana get married now. But we argue over petty things. We have tried to cut all contact with each other but we always end up talking.. he really liked me before but when all this happened, it was a little less. Now i like him a lot but he says he likes me too but its not as it was before.. our families are so alike, perfect for each other. My parents love him and his parents love me.. but we argue over stupid things, like he says stuff and it hurts me so we start arguing.. hes trying to change this and i know he is cuz its become less now.. hes a complicated human being, but i still want to be with him. Maybe when we start living together, it will all be subsidised? I don't know..marriage is meant to be simple but this feels so complicated:( I'm going to start praying istikara too and get him to pray to.. he prays and encourages me to pray. He always helps people, he does volunteering twice a week. We both like each other and wana marry but we keep arguing:(.. he knows about my horrible past and has accepted me as me. But he said its gonna take time for him to forget. He said, i have to pay half of all bills, baby after 2 years of marriage. He doesnt like me having social media but trusts me. He also said i have to cut ties with my friend that is connected with my past if things get too much for him..

Onegirl

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3 Responses »

  1. Red flags:

    1) "But we argue over petty things" "....like he says stuff and it hurts me so we start arguing" "....but we keep arguing:("

    What makes you think the arguing will stop after marriage?

    2) "he knows about my horrible past and has accepted me as me. But he said its gonna take time for him to forget."

    How much time does he need in order to forget?

    3) "He said, I have to pay half of all bills, baby after 2 years of marriage."

    In Islam, it's the responsibility of the husband to cover all financial costs.

    4) "He doesn't like me having social media but trusts me."

    If he trusted you, he wouldn't have a problem with you having social media.

    You should cut ties from your 'friend' from the past anyway, irrespective of this current dude.

  2. Salaams Onegirl

    You say: 'he knows about my horrible past and has accepted me as me'. Hmm, I wonder. Has he Really?! Not knowing what your "horrible past" entails I can't comment on that, except to say that whatever Allaah swt, in His Mercy, has kept hidden we too should hide. Revealing one's past, if there's hidden dirt in it, is always a Mistake. This guy appears to be the jealous and Controlling kind, and so my advice is Run!

  3. Both advices above are so right especially the second one. Simple ans is you should not consider this man for marriage. And don't think that marriage will solve problems.

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