My 15 year old son`s girlfriend is pregnant, what are my responsibilities?
Asalaamu Alykmum
SubhanAllah I never thought Allah swt would test me in this way and im truely shaken. Yesterday my 15 year old son told me that his girl friend who is a non-Muslim is 3 weeks pregnant and they have decided to keep the baby.
We are a practising revert family and my son has struggled with peer presure as he got older. I tried my best to guide him in every way, but despite all my efforts he met this girl and now she`s pregnant.
The girl and her family has a reputation and they are well known to social services and the police for alcohol/ drug use and selling, shoplifting, abuse etc (I know this because I became very worried about the company my son has started to keep and contacted both agencies for help in a bid to save my son).
I am completely out of my depth here and don't know how to proceed with this.
What is expected from me? Should I welcome her and them into my life home etc? I have 4 other children 7, 4, 2 and 1. My islamic duties? What are the options open to me and them? Abortion? Marrige and if so how? Taking into account the age, school? Will the child be Islamically classed as born out of wedlock if thet get married before its born/or does it go on whether married or not from the time of conception?
-maryammarais
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Slm sister,
I cannot imagine how hurt u must be. I'm sure ur son is just as confused as to the next step.
I am no scholar so can't offer any hadith or thelike, but I can only talk to you as a mother. My sons are only a year old but I would be distraught if either of them in the future played any part in changing a girls life at such a tender age.
As far as I know if ur son is not financially able to support the child yet, the onus then lies on ur son's father (ur husband) to do so. The child has the right to acknowledgement from his father but will hold his mother's surname. The child will not be able to inherit from his father.
Wrt marriage, I'm not too sure if this is fard due to pregnancy however if that's wat they choose then I guess Islamically, they should be encouraged to do so.
Even if they got married a minute after conception from my understanding, the child would still be illegitimate.
I wish u strength sister. I know that as a mother you feel your son's pain but remember that you are not accountable for anybody else's sins. May Allah guide you, your family and this young mother to be to put aside your feelings about the situation and do what is best for the expected baby Inshallah.
Walykum Asalaam
Jazakallah khair sister
Alhamdulilah Allah swt knows best I can only but try in sha Allah. The buts,hows,whys and when is still not clear to me just a big blur. Subhanallah all I can do is kneel down in prayer and put my tawakul
in Allah swt to bring about the best outcome here for all concerned.
Remember us in your dua`s
Khair in sha Allah
Salaams,
I would just like to add that abortion should not be considered as an option. It is not a viable option to illegitimacy in Islam.
I also suggest have a doctor verify the pregancy. When you say she's 3 weeks pregnant, this is usually very early to tell with a conventional store-bought test. Typically women don't ovulate until their second week of the cycle, so the third week would be when a fertilized egg would just be implanting. Pregnancy tests aren't even able to detect HcG until implantation, and even then it takes several days for there to be enough of that hormone to be built up for detection. That's why most urine tests are recommended for use at the 4th or 5th week, after a missed period. So unless this girl ovulated incredibly early in her cycle, there is a chance that the test was a false positive or misinterpreted.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walykum Assalaam Sister Amy
Jazakallah Khair for your advice. The pregnancy test that were used was the new Clear blue one that tells you the number of weeks in the window instead of a plus or minus symbol. Allah hu Alem. The pregnancy was also confirmed to myself by social services via the midwife.
asalamu alaikum
i feel that as a revert family how disappointed you maybe are in your son's actions. Please remember sister, this is a test from Allah swt, not just for you, but your son as well.
Have you had a talk to the girlfriend yet? Is she open to Islam? I don't know much about your own situ, how well you are faring with your own family and what the mood.
But my own understanding of life is that we are as muslims encouraged to see things most optimistically and positively and not search for possible upcoming and impeding problems. These negative thoughts are from Shaytan.
Why not embracing the situation and give the girl and your son a chance with your help to start their family?
Talk to them about the responsibilities of raising children and having a family. Maybe this can be the only chance for the girl to turn her live around for the good. You never know what is in people. Maybe she is going to be a good mum? If your son has to be an early dad, that will hopefully teach him some responsibility in life and get him away from maybe more serious trouble (how can a child be trouble? allahu walam) . You never know what Allah's plan is for him, maybe this would have saved him from drugs and crime.
Mabrouk for becoming a Grandmother and hopefully an awesome MIL!
wasalaam
Sister,
My heart truly goes out to you in regards to your situation. I cannot even begin to imagine your frustration and hurt. If this girl is in fact pregnant, I would strongly advise a DNA test to confirm that your son is in fact the father. Just because this girl is pregnant, does not necessarily prove it is your sons child. Every day, men are being falsely accused of being the father of a child when in fact it is not theirs at all. They get sucked into paying child support and so forth only to find out years later that the child is not theirs at all!
I will be praying for both this young girl and your son. It is a shame for both of them, not only from an Islamic point of view but also because they both are children themselves and they have their whole lives ahead of them to have a family. May Allah watch over you, guide you and keep you in his care...Amin.
Salam
Subhan'Allah sister this life is truly a test. All i can do for you is make dua'a for you and your family thats Allah (swt) gives you strength and keeps your iman strong, Ameen.