IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

I am a British born and live in the UK , my cousin is a Pakistani born and lives in Pakistan. I have visited Pakistan four times, when I was little, 11,12 and 14.

During my last trip, I spend some very good quality time with my cousins especially one that is two years older than me. We were young and it was the age when you first have feelings for the opposite sex. He started liking me and so did I. He sweetly wrote me a love letter and in general we were great friends. But this was 8 years ago when we were both very young.

The problem is that I have never forgotten the time spent with him and neither did he. Although we always have been in touch more or less since we are family, since two years we have started contacted trough mails and chat. Our family always tease us that we should marry and everyone knows that he likes me a lot. Recently when I was chatting to me, he honestly told me that he knew he wanted to marry me only, and I told him I couldn't do so.  Now the problem from my side is that I do not want to live in his country and I do not want to convince him to live in UK since I know even if he accepts it at the end, it wouldn't be a decision he would trult be happy with as he wants to be by his father being the elder son. And I appreciate this thought of responsablity in him because I also have a brother and wouldn't like for him to leave my old parents.

Apart from this, I also believe that maybe we both live in the illusion that we still like each other even though we havent met each other for 8 long years. He says meeting is not important as we know each other well as cousins. I have many guy friends here, but I have never been able to talk to them about me so easily as I do it with him, I guess I have the comfort in this cousin friendship. He is very honest and straight forward person. Of course he is not perfect in many things but I am not either. He has raised the issue of marriage three times already and all the times I refused giving my excuses. He told me that if I was saying no because I did not like him then he was fine but if I was saying no only because I felt we had two different lives styles then he was feeling sorry for me. He speaks to me as a great friends even now and I love telling him everything I have on my mind.  But I have cut down chatting to him as I felt I was giving him hopes when I still confused.

What should I do? My friends says to do istikhara.

Also I cannot meet him because of financial reasons.

If he ask me about marriage again? Should I say yes? I just wish that a proper rishta was sent so that I could decide for once and all , because I don't feel right to say yes or no without my parents or his parents being involved.

Give me wise advise please.

(also marriage if I say yes would be when we are 26/28)