She is interested in Islam and I wish to marry her, but…
The Successful Marriage
Es selamu aleikum,
I have known a very nice girl. She is not muslim but she wants to become a muslim and she shows interest in Islam. Me to i have converted to islam from another religion. I know i can trust her and she has family values.
The problem is that she is not a virgin but i am ready to forgive her as she herself has shown regret and asked for forgivenes for what she has done. I can not judge her as sins are between her and Allah as my sins are between me and Allah, and i myself ask for forgivnes for my own sins.
The problem is with me as i am jealous against this other guy as he lives in the same area as us and he is very powerful person and has even threatened her if he sees her with another man.
I love her but i don't know what to do.
- Enes
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salam alaikum bro
yes u in love but the question is a u ready to marry her in a proper away?Her changing t islam is only enough to be forgiven by Allah and also u get much rewards but if she is so serious about becoming a moslem and u a also ready to get her in a right way then go on with her no matter what but also u should take a clear observation such that she understands islam with her heart
True Muslims are never afraid of anything. Problem is for those who newly converted or are intending to convert in Islam. Allah, the Almighty, is good enough for protection to believers, especially who come up to Islam realizing that it is the only right path of life following beloved Prophet's teaching and the Holy Quran. According to the presents circumstances, any known pure Muslim or Imam of mosque near by the location can be discussed the matter clearly, I thing a good solution will reach to mind by the grace of Allah (swt.). I pray to Allah for you two so that His blessings fall upon you 2 if you are genuinely love and trust Islam as the only way of everything. Peace be upon you.
As Salam alaykoum Brother,
Thank you for your replay and i really want to thank you for praying to Allah for us. It really means a lot to me to know that some one else is praying to Allah for us and i will pray to Allah for you brother and for everybody who gave me an answer in this matter.
ASA enes,
Sorry to bust your bubble but she doesnt owe you anything for losing her virginity. Were you a virgin? She only owes this sin and to ask Allah swt for forgiveness not you. I understand these jealous feelings as i had them fir my husband but this is life! No one is perfect. Accept t or find another girl. She doesnt owe you an explanation as once she takes shahada she is clean.
Agree completely.
As Salam alaykoum
About this sister who converted, Allah has erased her bad deeds and has already kept her good deeds. She, and you, are like new born babies. She did regrettable things in her past and so have you, I, and the rest of us. That's why Allahs door to forgiveness is always open. No matter what.
Can you get passed your jealousy? If you can't, then you shouldn't marry her. Because if you do, then you will bring negative feelings into your marriage, and you don't wanna do that. If you can accept what she did and are ready to move on with your life, then ask her hand for marriage islamicaly. However, if you want to marry her, then don't allow those feelings of jealously come into your heart. Start with a pure heart and a clean slate, just as Allah has given y'all a clean slate and a fresh, new start in life. Pray istakhara, as explained in this website. In the meantime ask Allah with all your heart and mind if she'd be the right sister for you. Talk to him in your language. Ask Him to guide you in the decisions you make. Keep on supplicating to Allah, he will always answer your supplications. Always believe, with full conviction, that he will answer your prayers and guide you to what is good in your life.
May Allah give you the best in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen.
You sound like a completely insecure and pompous person. Who are you for her to seek your forgiveness? Have you made yourself God?
Brother control your nafs.
In my experience most women and men asking their spouse about virginity have been around the block more themselves
As Salam alaykoum,
I want to thank you for your reply and for pointing out my insecurity and being pompous. Sometimes we need to hear the truth like this in order to change, and it is true i have been insecure while i have no reason to be.
Thank you brother. I will pray to Allah to change me and give me strength and Iman.
I will pray for you to brother that may Allah give peace and happiness
You sound like a completely insecure and pompous person. Who are you for her to seek your forgiveness? Have you made yourself God?
Brother control your nafs.
In my experience most women and men asking their spouse about virginity have been around the block more themselves
He is not insecure or pompous.He has full right to choose a person who is virgin.
Read this fatwa ..... http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/21566
People he just said he is jealous it happens. And he said about the power of another guy that's all, try to understand what he is saying.
And Brother Enes WS I would like to suggest to move to some different place and far from that "powerful guy" and that's all
May Allah bless us all with hidayah and bless us with death in Emaan.
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
yeah i agree move to some different place and far from that guy
As Salam alaykoum
The problem is that i can not move to a different place as i have all my family in here and i have lived abroad for many years and now that i`m back i don`t want to leave again. I have lost members of my family while abroad and had no travel documents and i don`t want to be away anymore.
Thank you for your replay and may Allah give you all His blessing and peace
@Enes - Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
_________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Asalamualaikum brother,
I just want to let you know that before you get yourself into a tricky situation, you should let her fix the relationship she has with this "powerful man" for your own safety and her safety as well. If he says he will harm her or you if she speaks to another man then what if he is being serious? Her safety is important too.
Second, let her convert to Islam on her own terms. It is not your job to make her convert. You as a stranger to her according to Islam should let her be until she decides she wants to become a Muslim by herself for her own reasons of worshipping Allah alone. Then when she converts/reverts and the issue between her and this "powerful man" you speak of is resolved then you can go to her father or guardian (brother, etc.) and ask for her hand in marriage. Even if her father is a non Muslim he is still her guardian and he is still her father, do not make her cut ties with her family because Islam strongly encourages close ties with family even if they are non Muslim.
If this does not work out then give up your love for her for Allah's sake and look for a spouse that you will be compatible with and who practices Islam well. Whatever that is given up for Allah, He replaces it with something better. Just put your trust in Allah and protect yourself first. I hope Allah blesses both you and her and gives you both happiness as well as all the Muslims in this world. Ameen.
If that girl accepts Islam, her father or brother or etc cannot be her wali (guardian) IN MARRIAGE thats because a non muslim cannot act as a wali for a muslim. Instead her wali is an imam.
Assalakualaikum Enes,
The best thing you can do is get married to her after she becomes a Muslim and relocate to a different place. When you fear evil from someone (your enemy to be specific), there is a du'a our Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has taught us:
Allahumma Inna Naj'aluka Fee Nuhoorihim, wa Na'oohubika min Shuroorihim
(O Allah, we ask you to restrain them by their necks and we seek refuge in you from their evil.)
And do not fear, no harm can come on you until Allah Wishes. If you take Allah's Protection, who is it that will be able to harm you?
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Enes
You should be more specific: does this girl have "relationship history" with that powerful guy in your area?
Find out about this history, if you do not know much about it already. Also, being a Muslim, you shouldn't be afraid of anyone but Allah Almighty only. Of-course, this doesn't means that you should knowingly take great risks.
Before you propose to this girl, you should request her to convert to ISLAM and more importantly FIX the issue between her and that powerful person. Powerful or not, that guy has no right over her since she is not his wife or slave bur if this girl still meets him then this is not a good sign for you.
If you live in a society where Law and Order situation is strong and supportive, then help can be sought from this system, should the need arise.
Also, if you marry her, you would then have an OBLIGATION to protect her. So before you marry her, make sure that you possess "provider capabilities" and you are capable of migrating to another region, should the need arise. Once you become the husband, you can boldly tell this powerful guy to lay off or you will go to any extent to protect your wife. But it would be better to sort this mess out before marrying this girl. Make sure that this girl is interested in you ONLY and is also willing to convert to Islam. Once this criteria is met, make the necessary arrangements at your end to shift to another region. However, this powerful guy should be restrained too; request this girl to file a "restraining order" against him or report him to POLICE for her SELF-PROTECTION, if this is possible in your country.
Good luck
It seems like u really love this girl....my advice to u is to be careful with jealousy ......it starts off small but if u arent careful it can ruin ur relationship....most of all pray and ask God to give you the wisdom to do whats best......blessings!