Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why Allah Testing me in a Dire Manner?

Lonely man walking away.

Assalum u Alekum
Hope this question finds you in the best of health and blessings of Allah. I will not lie or exaggerate about anything, but the truth is that I have always have been facing dire situations since i have entered the life, from having relatives who are jealous of my fathers success not understanding his hardwork  to the tests of Allah Almighty.

1- Despite Being Highly Educated My Father is not a family person, he causally verbally and physically abuses me, is never there when i perform well in any field, always fond of others when i have always out performed the people i have been compared with. The Thing is despite his abuse i still respect him and love him but when he goes to abusing it becomes unbearable and no matter how much strength i have i am reduced to tears every single time. My mother has been there for me supporting me through thick and thin, she has always picked up the slack my father left in my life.

2-My Brother was the shoulder i could cry on, he was younger but more stronger than me,  helped me in every way,  stood for me, and if i got into a fight he was the first to come to my side and always cried when he saw me crying. He was taken away from me as Allah called him in 2006, and since than i have no interest in living to say the truth, had friends and a social circle that a person cant scale but still it all feels like black and  white void of all life.

3-People say you have good luck and bad luck but when i see my self i have a relatively abundance of bad luck or just a cursed fate, in competitions i got positions but things as certificates never came my way they were always held up or not given in the particular event held. Despite i worked hard, got admission in a prestigious institute and graduate but had the same bad luck landing a job.

4-Finally due to the work of my mom, i got engaged to a girl, i have never even looked at a girl in a wrong way or eyed someone because my mother had drilled in me the concepts of Islam and its traditions, few months after engagement she called quits and got engaged to another, i know my mom says that it was Allah's wish and it was for the better. It has been 3 years but not a single day goes when i dont think about her, i don't know whether she's engaged or married or anything but i usually drive to lonely places with bottles of vodka, being a coward to even drown even in them, i just throw the bottles out instead of taking a single sip.

My question remains until when or what phase am i going to be tested, usually nights go wondering when the suffering will end, wishing that i don't open my eye in the morning till eternity, but i get up every morning, put up a smile for my parents happiness, go to duties, always help out the needy even if it strains me a little, never complained before regarding any hardship prayed for the strength to bear Allah's Hardships. But know i feel my faith giving in, i lose track during sala'ts, go into thoughts about my past and current life and miseries while reading the Qur'an. But now i just want the suffering to end, I know my mom sees through my fake smiles, my uncles and aunts who raised me always try to give me a better company and life to cheer me up but it all goes to waste because they know im just smiling for them.

Whenever i find happiness it gets taken before it even reaches my hands. I don't even know what to do anymore should i listen to my heart and mind, or my self conscience or to the Qur'an, because i see people laughing and cheery my heart and mind question what is my mistake and error for being a good Muslim that i should be burdened with Hardships, that i cant get happiness for once, whether for one day the smile on my face could be genuine. Please if you have advice or answers or could point me to a direction so that i can look for answers.

GGMoji

Allah Hafiz

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1 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    There are times when each of us looks at our tests and thinks "I can't bear this".... These are the times when our faith has a chance to truly grow. It's relatively easy for a person to say "I believe" when things are going well, but it's the hard times that really challenge us and strengthen our faith.

    I find that when times are hard, it helps to read about the struggles of The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), and of Ayyub (peace be upon him). The Quran has guidance for us at all times of our lives, so read it regularly and let yourself find comfort and hope in it. If you find yourself thinking about something else while reading, don't beat yourself up about it - it may be that there's a connection between what you're thinking and what you're reading, so take some time to think about the thing that has come to mind, and how the teachings of the Quran relate to it. The Quran isn't simply a text to be read and recited, it's a guide to life, which means we should also be thinking about how what we read relates to our own life and to the lives of others.

    Make sure that you're praying regularly, with regular remembrance of Allah. Keep trying, even if you find yourself getting distracted or feeling as though you're 'going through the motions' - prayer is one of the pillars of our faith, one of the ways in which we can become closer to Allah, so don't allow yourself to cut yourself off from this. If you can, find a study group or charitable project in your community where you can meet with other pious brothers, as peer support can be a real help in hard times.

    I wonder if it might help to speak to a counsellor or to your doctor, as your mood seems very low. Sometimes when we're feeling so down, it helps to speak with a professional; inshaAllah they should be able to put things in perspective, and if you need any therapies or medication in particular, inshaAllah they can arrange this.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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