Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Would you stay or leave?

Muslim woman in hijab

I've been married for a few years and have kids. My husband is very disrespectful to me. He swears at me, curses me, makes fun of me, etc. He has a very bad personality. We can't have a normal conversation with each other cause he can't stand my different opinions. I either have to agree with whatever he says or i can't speak. He works all day and at night out with his friends. He thinks he's better than everyone and won't take advice from anyone. I'm not a perfect person either but i feel like he's way worse. He's disrespectful to everyone not just me. Even to his own parents. I have no say even when it comes our children. I take care of the kids all day and if i were to cut their hair he'll go crazy on me. He controls everything. At least if he had some religiousness to him i think I'd want to stay. But sadly, he doesn't care about Islam. He's just all about the dunya and making money. What would you do in my situation?


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6 Responses »

  1. It's easy and correct to say 'stay'. However I don't believe in sugar coating it. Leave him and make a happy healthy and fulfilling life for you and your children. Do you really want him as a role model for your children? And wake up aged 60 realising you've wasted all your youth on someone like him? That's just my opinion.

    • True. Just leave him. Someday he'll find you back.

    • I know of a sister who was going through something very similar and she stayed for the sake of her children...her husband did not change infact he turned against Islam and started becoming verbally abusive towards her and this had a great impact on their children who were influenced by the control freak [the father]!! The sister decided enough was enough and left after 17 years of marriage but it was too late because the children with the support of their father state that they are not muslims and also verbally abused their mother!! If you have tried your best and feel that your husband is not willing to change for the better and most importantly if he refuses to practise islam then sister PLEASE LEAVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN. I have seen the negative impact that staying in a situation can lead to and it effects so many lives especially of the sister involved and her children!! What are you waiting for?!!!!

  2. Asssalamalaikum.

    Dear Memself,

    Two options: 1. Bear the difficulties all your life for the safe of Allah, and InshaAllah, you could be the inhabitant of one the Highest Places in Jannah.
    2. Now you are already in great loss in this relationship, so for the sake of avoiding further loss, get separated ASAP and start a new life from scratch.


  3. Salam sister.
    I will firstly try to mention the good things that i see in your relationship, that many other relationships might lack.
    The man is physically and mentally normal. Intelligent and competant
    I think he makes good money which is required for a family to function well
    I think you dont have problems with his looks, Or his inlaws. Im assuming your inlaws are supportive people.(often inlaws are monsters )
    He CARES about children, and im sure he cares about you aswell. Men often dont show it
    He is not cheating on you so thats a plus. Youre important to him
    Men like to stay with men, cause they find it more fun. Conversations with your wife tend to get boring sometimes. My brother in law spends a lot of time with his friends too, my sister trys to make the best out of whatever time she gets with her husband..
    He insults you, thats a bad thing, but sister you can voice your opinions with YOUR own friends, win debates with them, vent out all your feelings for the time being. But when youre with your husband, You can try to the wife he wants you to be, maybe submissive in your case. Try to be like that, until his heart softens. Im telling you sister, his heart WILL soften, and he WILL change. Then Insha Allah, you can talk all you like, but right now, try to make things work.
    Think about your children. He is providing for them, there whole future lies ahead. I have a friend, who is in her mid-twenties now, her father left her early in her life so she was brought up by her mother. She is still resentful, and miserable. children need a father, they really do. My father is not the best father himself, But when i look back, just his MERE PRESENCE was so important.. to ward of sexual predators looking after kids and daughters, for the physical protection, financial protection , emotional wellbeing.. etc etc

    Sister, the people who commented above probably never put much mind to your problem. its easy to say, leave him, move on.. have sabr and get jannah...
    But ive tried to write all this for you, in detail, to let you know that the consequences can be severe. And one more thing, the most important. The hearts of mankind are in Allah's control. Make lots of dua. his heart WILL change, he will be the nice man you always wanted him to be. I have a friend who was a drugdealer, thief, gambler, adulterer once. today, he has completely changed, He is the most pious person , who even helps others about religion, even though he is just 25.
    Do dua in tahajud time. Rest is your choice

  4. This is a very hard answer..I agree with all the postings..So sad how everyone is getting messed up with this DUNYA life..marriage is hard..I agree with Yusuf great advice.If you stay inshallah you will get paradise and not pick this terrible husband as your spouse in jannah.. Or leave and start over..they both have challenges and difficulties..Sometimes people think the grass is greener on the other side..But as soon as you hop that fence you never know what you are going to be jumping into next..May Allah inshallah soon start to ease your difficulties..

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