Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is marriage mandatory if you’ve had illegal sex?

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AOA.

I've been with a girl now for almost 2 years. We're in the same class, university students. We've had sex a lot of times now, on and off. Its not like i'm madly in love with her, but she is. Now the problem is that I think because i had sex with her (which I know is totally Haram) i owe it to her or maybe to myself that i should get married to her, because in a way I've ruined her life as well as mine for good. This will stay with her for the rest of her life. And that if i don't marry her, this will be very unjust and unfair on my part. and along with being punished for Zina ill be punished for breaking someones heart and ruining her life and being unjust in the end.

Other than that there's no major issues in the girl i mean we get along pretty well and we compromise for each other. But at the same time i feel like if i take on with her for the rest of my life (marry her) then ill have to face the consequences for the rest of my life (means it wont turn out to be so successful).

Please help me out to think in the right way, can i just leave her? because obviously she wont forgive me. Or is it now mandatory for me to marry her because i did something wrong and that this is the only way i can do it right?

Requesting 'WAEL' , 'SISTERZ' & 'BROTHERRMUNIIB' to answer separately and give me advice separately. All three have different perspectives on matters that I've read before.
Thanks!

Rao


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4 Responses »

  1. You are mixing up the religious and ethical issues. Let me make it clear to you

    1. Even if yo marry her now, you are still not saved from the Zina you already did. Because at the time you did it, you were NOT married.
    2. When you have (illegal) sex with a girl, you do not get the responsibility to marry her. Marriage can not delete the previous zina. Illegal sex is NEVER a reason to marry a girl.
    3. When you do zina once, it is a mistake, a sin. But when you do it for 2 years, it is NOT a mistake , it is a crime. You just used the girl, took advantage of her. You just cheated her.

    You said yourself that the girl loves you and also she is a good girl. The only problem is, you do not love her. A cunning man always want to marry a girl he loves. But a wise man always wants to marry a girl who loves him. In fact, there are not many man in the world who are lucky enough to get a wife who loves him. Be one of them.

    You should marry her because
    - She loves you
    - you know her and can handle her better
    - To prove that you are not a cheater

    Not because of you had sex with her. As I said, illegal sex do not make marriage mandatory and a marriage can not delete the previous illegal sex.

  2. OP; Please help me out to think in the right way, can i just leave her? because obviously she wont forgive me. Or is it now mandatory for me to marry her because i did something wrong and that this is the only way i can do it right?

    Poor man does not know ...... the right way to deal with a girl he has been having sex for 2 years. What do you think should be the best way if your sister was in a similar situation with a guy? Do you think that guy should marry your sister or just leave her and marry his cousin?

  3. Please to the right thing. As a girl myself if I loved a guy and was in this situation I would want him to marry me. In time you will fall in love with her as she loves you and cares for you.

  4. Salam,

    I read your post and the first thing that came to my mind is asking Allah for forgiveness......and with sincerity if you both repent....In sha Allah, Allah will forgive you and her. Secondly, do you really feel you can find someone who would be better for you? There is no guarantee that someone other than her would make a better wife. I personally feel that you should marry her if she also wants to commit herself to you. It may also work out for the both of you. But if she is willing to move on in her life, then you have an option to leave her. If not, you must commit yourself to her.

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