Islamic marriage advice and family advice

25 and no prospect of marriage! Feel hopeless and broken.

Asalamu alaikum brothers and sisters.

I am an avid silent reader at this site and have never posted anything. Now the time has come that I too try my hand in getting some advice in a really big dilemma in my life right now. I am a 25 year old female, third in line of 6 siblings. I have two older sisters who are married and two younger brothers and a younger sister. I am going through something that is probably a common issue in the muslim world right now. My family are having a very difficult time in arranging a good match for marriage. I am a very introvert girl with an equally introvert family, have literally no friends and not even a remote interest from the opposite gender. Its not that i am a unattractive girl, i do not consider myself unattractive neither am I uneducated. Although I do not have a degree, but I work in a successful job. I am very depressed and feeling hopeless because  I have had no interest from anyone in regards to marriage. My older sisters have had proposals from extended family members, they have never been involved romantically with anyone. All my muslim peers from high school are all nearly married and it hurts because it makes me feel as if there is something the issue with me. In my culture girls are sent proposals through recommendations from people and that is how marriages are done. Never has a girls family had to enquire for marriage proposals or any good matches. There have been a handful of matches maybe three or four in my entire life. These have been always very unsuitable for me, although i have never have been the person to make the last decision, this has always been done by my father. And although i agree to an extent as to his rejections of these proposals, any hope of further prospects of proposals seems very dim to me. I have had a broken relationship and this has now indefinitely been finished as the guy cheated with me and married another. My family and his family were very old family friends. This was done in knowledge of my family, as we had thought the guy was serious for marriage and was the only time i have been serious with someone. It was difficult because he was in another country but i tried my best to make it a success. I gained up some courage to try and see where this potential match could take me only to be rejected and thrown away in a flash. That is another chapter i am still trying to get to grasps with. It is a chapter in my life that has ended, however hard I am finding it 5 years on. Although it was a dark time of my life, i find solice in the fact that whatever is meant for a soul will never flee from them. It is all Allahs will. But I am now stuck in this problem. It makes me feel worthless and very very sad. I have always tried my best to stay away from prohibited relationships and find comfort in that Allah has already written someones name with mine. I feel pressure from family and even strangers always enquiring why am I still unmarried. I do not want to use any online sites I have a big anxiety about how these work, I am very scared to approach anyone, and I know feel leaving it all to Allah and not actually doing my bit is a bit foolish. I mean Allah has given us means to get things, and then place our trust in Allah. Nothing is going to happen without us doing whatever is required. I do not know what to do. I make alot of dua but what if i am destined a life alone? What if it is not written in my life to ever get married? I mean i really do want to get married, but theres literally no one. I feel a bit unwanted, and i do not know what i can do to change this. My father doesn’t seem to really care, and has the typical cultural attitude of just waiting no matter how older i get with each passing year. I refrain from all this that is prohibited and have no intention to go against this. So i might just accept this. It may seem a trivial matter, but what can i do? Any advice is appreciated.

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9 Responses »

  1. While I appreciate the fact that you have a lot of faith in Allah I do find it however extremely weird that you just believe that Allah will simply solve your problems. You need to take a proactive approach and begin to try new things. Marital websites for example habe a lot of potential to help you find your partner. Indirectly you could have a conversation with your father to express your desire to get marrived but don't hold him completely responsible for your current affairs.

    Most importantly stop beliving that Allah will simply solve your problem without you changing your perspective on how to handle this problem.

  2. Assalam u alykum my dear Sister,

    May Allah make your search easy for you, in sha Allah.

    Please be patient. I know, this is easier said than done! But, honestly, trust Allah and don't lose hope.

    The family- friend's behaviour may make you feel like you are being rejected and will be rejected again. But be positive and continue making dua for a pious spouse.

    You never know, a special someone might pop into your life soon!

    I'm a Little younger than you and also not married. My family's cultural background is similar to yours. The girl's side don't do the seeking or asking, right? So I completely understand your position

    Have you tried approaching a Masjid? Some masjids have the service of matchmaking people informally. As in recommendation or word of mouth. Do you think maybe you can try that at your local masajid?

    Also, maybe joining a sisters' circle of some sort- or letting friends and colleagues knowing that you are trying to find 'the one?' then they can pass on he word to some brother who is searching for his other half.

    The main thing, Sister, is don't lose hope! Have trust in Allah. If it is meant to be, Allah will send someone in your life, be patient, in sha Allah.
    I do dua that Allah sends you your special someone.

  3. Sister ,

    Your post seems to describe you as a logical and realistic person but in life just we need to hang on with efforts without sitting idle as you yourself have mentioned .

    While trying be careful.These matrimonial and dating sites have maximum fake people and it will lead door towards haraam.

    I suggest you to take help from your older married sisters as they might help you .

    Don't worry too much sister as 25 is not that old .You are still very young only .

    May Allah help you .

  4. Salam sister.

    I am posting and replying to your post because I was in the same position as you. In fact I was worse off. I am an introvert and I would always put myself down thinking I am not attractive and there won't be any men whom would want me.

    I would sit in the train back home from work, crying silently why don't I have any partner. I would beg and plead with Allah. I was depressed for a long while. My family fought hard to get a match for me but some of the matches were not good for me. There was a guy whom was married but the wife left him with an 2 months old baby. How do I marry this guy when he was a newlywed himself and with an infant to boot? And another guy whom wanted to marry me just so I can care for his ailing mother. How do i marry a men whom doesn't want me for himself but for his mother. He needs a nurse and not a wife!

    But through all of this. I always carried on with my Salat and I ALWAYS dua to Allah to grant me a husband whom will love me and care well for me. My advice is for you to pray and dua constantly. Surely God is great. Surely he will grant you a husband. Not anyhusband. But one whom is compatible and good for you.

    Alhamdulillah I am married. I was late in meeting him but Allah made it happen. I was in my late twenties. Now I have a husband and a baby. Alhamdulillah.

    So please do not despair. Keep looking out for a groom. Keep praying. Keep asking God. He will insyallah reward you with a pious and loving husband one day. Ameen.

  5. Sister please don’t not compare yourself with anyone. The sun shines its own time . You aren’t old don’t stress about A man or marriage . No body has been left out because they are Handicapped or they aren’t complete . There is pressure but don’t let it get to you. Not only married happy are successful or the happiest. If you are meant to be with will regardless of what. Keep living sister and keep up with your prayers. Don’t rush into someone just because you think your old . And won’t find someone. May Allah give you happiness in this life and Akhera

  6. Let me ask you something: What is it that you hope marriage will bring into your life that will fulfill you to such a great extend that you, as an unmarried woman, feel like you're missing out on? What makes marriage such a goal to you that you allow yourself to feel hopeless and depressed, because you haven't yet reached it?

    It's hard to guide you, because I honestly believe there a million and one ways to meet a suitable match. I also believe none of these ways actually guarantee you a partner. All you can do is live your life, put yourself out there and see what happens. I know of couples that met on flights, at weddings, on dating sites, through mutual friends, through their leisure just never know.

    You mention that you don't have any friends...well, why don't you make some? Why don't you do something else with your time besides allowing yourself to feel desperation for a man? You say you work, but what else does your life consist of? If you have no friends, do you ever do something social? Do you ever go out to dinner? Shopping? The cinema? The gym? Take fun classes? Maybe if you had more people in your life, and if you allowed yourself to open up a bit more, you would feel less lonely...I suspect you want to get married to fill some kind of void. Loneliness, perhaps. And that's not a good reason to get married...

  7. Salam,

    Please try online sites. I know of success for two people through the sites. Also be more active in seeking a match. Whether it's telling your parents to go to a convention or looking to see if there's someone in your community that you like.

  8. read daily 500 durud sharif, you will get spouse just like you, pleasing loving caring,
    you should not loose hope in Allah swt.

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