We committed adultery; Now, can I marry her after she is divorced?
ASALAM U ALAIKUM,
I am a Muslim man and 2 years back I met a woman five years older than me. She was married and had a daughter. Her husband was in U.S. She says that she has been divorced. We talked for like 6 to 8 months and she said she has been alone for like 2 to 3 years and her husband has left her physically and its absolutely alright and haalal for her to have sexual affair with me. Then we got involved into sexual relationship.
One month ago; I did tawbah that I wouldn't commit zina with her anymore. She has also done tawbah as she says. Now, I get a feeling that I should marry her. So, can I marry her or not? Can I marry her if she has been divorced? or what should I do if she has not been divorced?
Please help,
hakim00.
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Hakim00
So let me get this straight. She told you is was absolutely alright and haalal for her to have a sexual affair ? And you figured that was good enough authority for you? Think about that.
I am sorry to be so flippant about this, but do you realize the gravity of what you have done? What would you think if your sister or daughter acted in this manner? Would you be proud? Or would you help them to return to Allah? Think about this. You actions have been haram.
You need to start thinking about doing something about avoiding eternity in hellfire, not about how you can marry this woman. Keep away from this woman. Pray and ask Allah for His forgiveness. Resolve NEVER to do this again. You MUST follow the halaal path. There is nothing you can do to navigate through this at this point. Instead you must pray to Allah for forgiveness and guidance.
I hesitate to say this and give you any false hope, but if it is the will of Allah for you to be with her, He will find a halaal way for you to go forward on this. But don't go looking for it on your own. There are too many bad things that could happen.
Stay away from this woman, you and she may fall back into haram things.
-American Muslim
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Hakim00
My brother, sorry to be so harsh in my post earlier. You know in your heart the right answer
- American Muslim
No need to be harsh. Brother Hakim did tawbah and according to him she also did tawbah. What makes you think that Allah has not forgiven them?
Muneerah,
I know I was harsh, and I regret some of the harshness.
Certainly Allah has forgiven them. But that does not mean they should stray anywhere near zina. I think the history shows that being near her would be very risky and on the path back to haram actions.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Correct me if I'm wrong but does it not say in the Koran adulterers marry adulterers,and virgins marry virgins?
Jenna, what's the relevance of that to this particular situation, and how is your comment helpful to the questioner?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The only lenient advice i can give you as my brother said above is STAY AWAY FROM HER ,She is an adulterer she has to be punished severely more than you . She has no valid reason as alibi that becuase she is away she can have affair . Naudhubillah
Salaams,
It sounds to me like there is a lack of certainty about the status of her marriage. If I were you I would ask her for a straight answer about her divorce, and if she does insist she is divorce I would ask to see the divorce decree. If you want to be technical, of course you can marry a divorced woman. However, I wouldn't marry a divorced woman if there were any question that she was still married, that has to be settled first.
Needless to say, if she is still married, you need to leave her alone completely regardless of how little her husband is currently involved in her life. If she really wants to pursue a marriage with you, I would tell her to take care of that detail first and then come to you about it. Until then, focus on anything else but that possibility...particularly your connection with Allah. There's not one of us that doesn't have room to increase that.
Just to speak personally, I wouldn't want to marry someone who can find a way to justify zina. That speaks to their character, and I personally would want to share life with someone who has more character than that. Just my feelings on the matter.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with all the above advice. I just want to add a point. You say you "get a feeling you should marry her." You should never ever marry someone because you feel you have to or for guilt! That is a terrible reason.
Also it is concerning that she seemed so willing to fall into zina. Allah knows best but do think carefully. Decide if you want to marry her and if you think you are compatible. Think it through - you dont need to be in contact with her. What you need to do is to cut contact, make tawbah and stay away.
If you want to marry her and she wants to marry you she needs to get formally divorced first and go through iddah before she can marry you. So keep far away from her, especially while she is still married!
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
Everyone has already commented on the divorce/married aspect, so I will not go over it, as it suffices. However, I want you to seriously consider the implication that from the beginning, she was lying to you by first stating that she was divorced and then, not. The problem that you face now is, is that can you now trust anything she said before and during the time she was justifying an illicit affair? Has she sought forgiveness and repentance for that action in of itself? This is important because now you are thinking of spending the rest of your life with her.
Deception, lying, cheating, stealing, dishonor, et al. are a root cause of calamity in any society, relationship or individual. This is going to be the determining factor of your ultimate decision. Think carefully & objectively, make dua and put Allah (swt), first. After that, the decision will be more clear.
Huh? How does any Muslim think it's halal to have a sexual affair?? Is that a joke
No it is not a joke but it happens to those who follow the wrong path it is haraam