Afraid of losing our son and brother to the Christian way of being
(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians)”[al-Maa'idah 5:4
My family is in dire need of advice.
My youngest brother, now 26 years old, has had a difficult time keeping his faith in Western society. He has faced many battles and temptations, and with Allah’s (SWAT) help he successfully overcame some of his greatest troubles. He has been dating a young lady for five years. She comes from a Christian background, and her family/childhood has been complicated by divorce and alcoholism.
She converted to Islam a year ago, and unfortunately has had a difficult time adhering to the right path. For many years, my brother refused to marry her, aware of the consequences to his Islam as well as his future children’s Islam. Also of concern is her mother’s battle with alcoholism, and her possible future role as the grandmother to their children (the girl and her mother are very close).
In a recent change of heart, he recently asked my parents to support their present relationship as well as a possible engagement. My family has been crushed by this decision – and we fear not only will he lose his Islam, but his future children will be raised in a Christian household (because of the grandmother’s strong influence).
We have prayed for 5 years for Allah (SWAT) to protect and guide him, but we are now unsure how to deal with his recent decision. We are afraid to push him away by adamantly refusing this marriage, however we cannot support it.
Please provide us with support as well as prayer.
- hzibdeh
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mashallah you seem so concrned about your brother/son.
you can kindly advice him. you can find evidence for your reasonings. you can have him talk to some elders/imam, or read about people who have married in such situations. but that is all you can do. he is an adult. he is old enough to make his own descisions. if you are harsh/forceful, it will have the opposite affect. he will become distant twowards you.
as for the girl, if she is a new convert, regardless of if you like her as a daughter in law/sister in law or whatever, it is your duty to take care of her needs. the women in your family have to take care of any needs she has like teaching her, or any help she needs. or refer her to some nice family that you know. tell her about women's programs at the masjid.
it is very difficult for new concerts/reverts. some come from trouble backgrounds. many have issues with their families. many are lonely. have no one. she has a controlling alcoholic mother. do you think she is emotionally attached to her mother? i Don't think so. if there is anything, then it must be out of fear of her mother. she is lonely and hurting and needs love.
you mention she coverted but has a difficult time adhering to the right path. how? is she drinking, paratying, having trouble praying? if it's the drinking partying or whatever thing then only allah knows her heart and intention of change. if it is the things linked with prayer/ dresscode or whatever, then maybe she needs more time.