I am new Muslim and I made a mistake; please help me out.
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am 23 years old just recent convert Muslim, I was Hindu before and this past ramadan was first ramadan of my life but due to severe health problem I couldnt do fast. I tried to make ramadam as good as possible by praying regulary but a very wiered things happened in month of ramadan. One of female friend has come to meet me , as I have internship in hospital; far from my university; so I live in room outside. She came to meet me; wanted to see that new city; we are just good friend and she is a strict believer of Hinduism. We both had to sleep together due to no other place in room to sleep so we had to adjust for some days but suddenly one night I did a very wrong act with her in bed (I can't elaborate here).
She cried a lot; I tried to explain to her that it wasn't my intention but she lost completely. I hug her and I did more wrong things with her (no intercourse). I promised to marry her and during this I told her that I converted to Islam she cried even more and left the room. I realised that I made a mistake and repented. A few days ago, I told her that what happened between us was a mistake and she lost it completely. We both are pious; I have never had a girlfriend even though I am good looking. I have a few questions which I hope you can answer to help me please;
1. Did I betray her because she is ugly and fat by refusing to marry her?
2. She is not Muslim but she do believe in god ,so can I marry her ?
3. My heart is not supporting me in deciding this; I alredy tell her I can't marry her?(I just think that what happened was just lust not love)
4. I feel like I have ruined her life and all that what happened between us comes flashing in front of me sometimes even though I have asked for forgiveness and keep repenting.
Please help me get out of this situations, may Allah bless you all. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Priyank
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Salaam Priyank,
Zina is a grave sin, but if you sincerely regret the sin, vow not to repeat it and turn to Allah and ask Him to forgive you, He will forgive you InshaAllah. Unfortunately there is no way for you to get out of this situation without hurting the girl. She is already hurt from this understand she must be feeling pretty upset and used due to the intimacy but the damage has been done. You must accept this, hard as it may be.
1. No you did not betray her by refusing to marry her. You cannot marry her - your mistake was indulging in zina.
2. A Muslim man can only marry a Muslim woman (ideally) or he can marry a woman from the people of the Book (Christian or Jewish) but it is not permissible for a man to marry a Hindu/Sikh/Atheist or any other religion. So Islamically you cannot marry her - your nikah would not be valid.
3. I am not sure what you mean your heart is not supporting you? It may have been lust, but regardess in Islam it is not permissible for you to marry her. Also do not be close to her or any other girl and dont put yourself in any situation which could lead to sex before marriage. (Dont be alone with a girl/dont talk alone/avoid casual friendships,certainly no physical contact etc. Zina is not just sex but there are other forms which are also sins such as flirting, hugging, kissing etc.) When a man and woman are alone, shaytaan is the 3rd and he tempts the couple towards zina.
4. Undoubtedly you will feel guilty as you did wrong her, but it was consensual. You wronged yourself the most though. Another important point is that It is unfair of you to marry her or take her as a gf out of guilt. She deserves to marry someone who wants to marry her not out of guilt of a fling but because they love her. Someone of her own religion who will be taking the same path out of life and someone who loves her and thinks shes beautiful and CAN marry her. You have not ruined this girls life. She will move on in time InshaAllah. But marrying her for wrong reasons is likely to ruin both her life and yours. So let her be, she will move on and find someone who can commit to her.
Never ever marry out of guilt. Intentions are so important.
My advice to you is send her an email or a message and apologise sincerely in it. Explain that you didn't mean for it to happen, but it is wrong for you to commit such acts so it was a mistake. Let her know in your religion you cannot keep girlfriends or girls as close friends but while you were friends you did value her friendship. Close it at that and change your number etc. If you cannot avoid her (she works with you) you will have to be tough.
But do not sell your soul for the life of this world. Never ever put yourself in such a situation again and dont let her pressure you into a haraam relationship by bringing up this past sin. Keep repenting to Allah.
As you undoubtedly care for this friend, its likely you may want to bring her to Islam for her own sake. If this is the case, give her an english translation of quran and refer her to Muslims girls who can help her.
May Allah swt forgive you, help you take the best action and cure you of your illness.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor