Parents don’t approve my marriage due to cultural differences, any advice
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am 20 years of age, muslim, pakistani girl. i wish to marry a guy who is also muslim however he is from tanzania and is of the same age as myself. I went to my father about this matter first and told him exactly how we met and how we want to marry each other. the muslim brother i wish to marry is good hearted and good practicing with islam. his parents have agreed for the marriage. when i first told my father, he was surprisngly okay with this however he did say to me tthat this may not make your mother happy as he is black from a different culture which lead me to explain that islam is against racism and it is an invalid reason for me not to marry him.
So my father said to not worry and we will INSHALLAH convince your mother. a few weeks later we told my mother and she was very upset simply due to the fact that he is not pakistani. she brought up so many different things such as 'hes not got a job, hes black, hes different, his culture is different, he has 4 brothers and sisters which you will have to look after, hes the same age as you etc etc' i went on further in a kind manner to explain to her that he will finish his studies inshallah and get a job to provide for me and how her reasons werent valid and this made her extremely angry.
I am 20 and i myself and also the muslim brother i wish to marry, would like to marry as soon as possible to avoid haraam and any type of sinning. We have talked about just proceeding with the nikaah once i have my parents blessing and then eventaully move intogether when we have the money to do so however i am in a very confused position. I know i must obey my parents but i have explained that i will be living with they guy and i should be happy with whom i spend the rest of my life with but my mother tells me i only care about my self. i would really appreciate your advice.
thanks,
samirachaud.
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Assalam waialakum sisiter,
I understand how you're feeling, I have a story for you if you don't mind. My sister feel in love with this guy who was not of the same orgin as her, he was persian and she is somali. She wanted to get married with this brother as soon as possible and as soon as she gets my parents consent. Alhamdulilah his parents agreed and she told my father and my father surprisingly agreed but she knew my mother wouldn't due to the fact that he was middle eastern and she was black. As you can see this story is quite similar to yours. My sister and dad wanted to tell my mother but she kept saying no, he's not the same kind as us and kept compiling excuses. But after inviting him over he brought gifts and had good character towards my family we all loved him and despite his background he showed my mom that its deen over culture. Now adays we tend to put culture first SubhanAllah, he has to be older than you, same kind as you etc. But the truth is you should look for his deen and if he has that than Alhamdulilah he'll definatly have good character and inshaa Allah your mother will see that. Right now my sister learned how to speak farsi (to communicate with his family) and he learnt how to speak somali (to communicate with ours)
I hope this story showed you something inshaa Allah all goes well
Your sister
Salam sister,
I am happy you found someone at such a young age because it aviods sinning...
i have one question, have you prayed istiqara?? i know you think this brother is good and such but only Allah knows what is in someone's heart and not because a person prays 5 times a day, that automatically makes them a good person, as i said, only Allah knows whats in a person's heart and sister i would highly recommend you pray istiqara and see what Allah thinks and then go from there. If your istiqara is good inform your mother about it. I dont think anyone would doubt something when Allah is guiding you. Its hard to find sincere,practising and good people nowadays so i dont think your mother shouldnt agree just because of his skin colour.
May Allah help you decide what would be good for you. And if you do marry the brother may Allah bless your marriage with peace and tranquility. Ameen.
Scroll to the top of the page and read the links on Istikhaarah Questions and Answers for more information on how to do istikhaarah correctly, what to expect and what to look for.