Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He loves me but does not want to have any sexual relationship with me

Sexless marriage, lack of intimacy, no sex

I have the same problem... I married the love of my life and he loved me too... We have been married for more than 4 years and after 6 months of our marriage he lost interest in me...

I stay depressed all the time... We have one son Alhumdulilah... We stay happy ... He says he loves me and he cares about me... But he never wants to have sex with me...

I tried everything taking care of his needs, making him good food, smiling at him, kissing him, talking to him about this, fighting with him about this, staying upset with him about this... He says he realises everything and he will be a better husband to me but he does nothing about it... Once in 4-5 months he has the sympathy sex with me and then he's back to being himself (on confrontation that he never wants to be with me) ...

I have no idea what to do... I'm just so sick of confronting him anymore... I have lost hope in any physical relationship in our marriage ... However we will stay together and stay happy for our child to be happy

Can anyone suggest me what more I need to do... I have lost all hopes and wanted to discuss matters with someone now... Please suggest a solution...


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8 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    What is your husbands reasoning behind the fact that he never wants relations with you? Why his lack of interest? Maybe he has a medical need that needs addressing or there are other issues going on that you are not aware of. Maybe he is in fact gay or has another partner. There could be any number of reasons. Sit down together without any judgement or anger and see if he will divulge to you why he has no interest in having relations with you. Let him know what it is doing to you and how he is not fulfilling your rights as his wife. God willing you can both work together to find a resolution.


  2. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    Sexual intimacy is a right that both spouses have upon one another in marriage. I agree with sister Najah that you should try everything you can to investigate the root issues underneath this avoidance.

    But, if you do that, and he still skirts the issue or seems unmotivated to do anything to FULFILL YOUR RIGHTS, I think you should give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he doesn't take the proper steps to work toward solving the problem (whatever those might be identified to be), you will separate from him until he is willing to. If you end up separating, and nothing changes, you have a choice: go back to him and continue to live a sexless marriage, stay separated and continue to live a sexless marriage, or divorce and find someone who won't make you live in a sexless marriage. I don't like to suggest divorce often, but when it comes to rights and duties, those are serious to Allah. They are the boundaries and limits Allah has set for each couple, and Allah highly dislikes when the boundaries are transgressed. Him regularly denying your sexual rights is no lighter than if you did the same to him. It says in the Quran:

    But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah , then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers.

    To me this is a very serious statement. It is almost saying that it's better for a woman to leave a marriage, than to stay in a situation where Allah's limits are being transgressed by one or both not being willing/able to fulfill their rights upon one another.

    So do what you can, as you are able, to help move the situation from where it is. Once you've done all you can, reflect on what is, seek Allah's guidance, and go forward into the direction you feel is best for you.

    -Amy Editor

    -Amy Editor

  3. I do agree with Najah's comments BUT why one not having sex results to always having a medical conditions especially for Asian people to say this. There could be many reasons.

    I really feel for you sister and I however do think what you going through is more than the physical part. Talk to your husband dont give up. You could be searching for something that's not meant to be and sometimes we have to hold on to what we have then gain what we want. Doesn't always go how we want it to be in life Allah's test on all of us. May you get to the bottom of the issues inshAllah.

  4. OP: We have been married for more than 4 years and after 6 months of our marriage he lost interest in me...


    OP: He says he loves me and he cares about me... But he never wants to have sex with me...


    Making him good food, smiling at him, kissing him, talking to him about this, fighting with him about this, staying upset with him about not going to get him aroused....

  5. I have the same problem...

    • Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and when you do so please take care with your pronouns such as he, she, him and her. It was quite difficult to understand your comment as you kept changing pronouns randomly.

      Wael Editor

  6. Asalam Alaikum sister,
    For a man sex is about releasing tension. A male orgasm is about being free, feeling freedom, basically nothing ness. There is a reason the french call the male orgasm 'La petite mort' or little death.

    A few pointers:
    Make him relax by massage, sweet words, admiration, etc.(no more nagging)
    Boost his testosterone levels by giving him eggs (preferably boiled), beef, mutton, etc. High body fat or BMI can reduce testosterone and produce estrogen. (A man can't control himself from loving if his testosterone levels are high enough).
    Boost his testosterone levels by encouraging him to lift heavy weights at the gym. (Cold baths also help)
    If he's sad or depressed at all it could be a vitamin or omega-3 deficiency so a men's multivitamin & omega 3 supplement should be given or lots of fish (two servings per week), vegetables & fruits.
    Take great interest in his hobbies, interests, fantasies, etc without judging him. e.g fav actresses, movies, activities, etc. (remember be positive)

    He'll start to open up more and you'll get a pretty good idea what he likes. (again no judging him) After that it's just a matter of time before he can't keep himself away from you. Your slightest seductiveness and he'll be ready to go. 🙂

  7. There is a long discussion on "husband ignoring me" topic on following link; hope discussion there is helpful. Just posting link not my thoughts .. had enough arguments with 'sisters brigade' already lol ...

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