Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t live without him!

True love comes from Allah (swt) alone; rest are shaytan's whispers to trick us.

Asalam there.. in fact I am in love with a guy and I am sure he also loves me loads but he left me because of our parents who do not accept our relationship and his parents are forcing him to get engaged to another girl..

He left me in front of everyone saying he will never talk to me again and then 2 days later I got a message from him saying he is really sorry and he didnt do it deliberately - he loves me loads and he will love me forever and he will never forget me...

We had sexual relationship many times.. so many times that I can't even count and before doing this he promised me that he will marry me and he will never leave me... I just can't live without him.. I want him in my life, I want us to get married..


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5 Responses »

  1. Wa Alaikum Salaam Sister,

    You should know that sexual relationship regardless of how many times, with a man does not guarantee a marriage. Men don't think that way, sorry. I have seen many similar stories with same results. A man who has the good intention will not do that with you before marriage. The true love can't be found anywhere outside halal marriages ever.

    So now you should get it that, the man has used you and he is now gone forever. Don't even try looking for him, because he is just going to repeat the same thing with you and then dump you in the end.

    Turn to Allah in repentance, and then learn much about your Deen.

    May Allah help you! Ameen.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, you can and will live without him, and more than that, you will live a happier life without such a person in it. A guy who isn't even willing to stand up for you isn't husband material - if he cannot be relied on to stand by you now, he isn't someone that you would want as the head of your household and the protector of your family.

    Many promises are made in haraam relationships, and one of the aspects of these relationships that some people describe as being enticing to them is the drama/excitement/intensity of the relationship. This isn't love though. Love grows in a halal relationship, and is based on mutual trust, respect and support. That might not sound as exciting as a soap-opera-type whirlwind romance, but it's far more reliable and rewarding.

    At the time of making these promises to you, this guy may or may not have believed he would follow through on them, and only Allah knows the truth of this. Whichever is the case, he has now made it clear that he will not fulfil his promises to you, and that this relationship isn't going to lead to marriage. Hard as it may seem now, try to say Alhamdulillah, for this is Allah's will - what He wills, will be, and we can trust in His plans. Sometimes, something can seem like the worst thing that could happen, but it turns out to be a blessing. Consider the struggles of the Prophets and Messengers (AS), who faced great difficulties in their lives, and these difficulties turned out to be blessings which brought them closer to Allah.

    What has been done can't be undone by you or him, so it would be best for you to try to heal from what has happened and rebuild your life in a way that brings you closer to Allah. Cut all contact with him (and avoid further haraam relationships and interactions); repent for your sins and resolve not to repeat them; increase your knowledge of Islam by going to a study group or course; adjust your daily life so that you are more closely following Allah's guidance (for example, are you praying your daily prayers, wearing hijab, giving zakat?). In addition, if you have been sexually intimate with this guy it will be important to get a check-up at your local sexual health clinic, to make sure you aren't pregnant and haven't acquired any sexually transmitted conditions - most of these illnesses can be quickly and easily treated if detected promptly.

    May Allah guide you to keep to His guidance in future, and ease your distress.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. I disagree with one thing is that with an arrange marriage you could be promised everything then it turns out the guy doesn't love you there's no guarantee's either way but up to the person to make a stand and make the right choices suiting them.

    I honestly think you need to give this man an ultimate whether he is serious about marriage if not then move on. Let him be the coward that he is, you deserve better and i hope inshAllah in time you see this too.

  4. If a girl loves a man, she should to not have sex before marriage. He may come back for more sex, but not to marry you.

  5. Assalam alaikum,

    I was very saddened to read that you have had a sexual relationship with this boy and don't seem to show much remorse. You seem more distressed by his leaving than regret over crossing the limits with him. Is that true?

    Sister, please read in the Quran the description of Jahannum and Jannah. Take the time to understand how easy it is to get into Jahannum and how difficult it is to reach Jannah. Because you are our sister in this Ummah, honestly, it is hurtful to know that this reality.

    Please change your ways and make Tawbah to Allah swt and promise to never do this again with this boy or any other. I don't know how old you are, but you have to feel regret of what you have done, feel fear from the wrath of Allah swt, and then after all that, feel hope to be forgiven. Do not repeat this mistake, inn shaa Allah. Establish constant dhikr of Allah swt so that you can fight against the negative thoughts that will try to make you succumb and rationalize this behaviour again.

    May Allah protect us from evil and strengthen our Imaan, Ameen.

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