Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t want to marry this man…please help!

The Perfect


I am a 28-year-old girl. My family loves me a lot and wants everything the best for me. They have found a guy for me whom they want me to marry, but I don't' want to marry him. I have told my family about this and they still want me to marry him.

I want to marry another person who has always taken care of me very much. I've known that person for over 10 years now and so has my family. He is a nice person, my family always also thought of him as a nice person, and asked me to consider him for marriage. The only problem was that he was married and got divorced by his wife after 3 months of marriage and she married someone else. I had issues with that too at first, but his caring attitude and my family asking me to consider him made him close to my heart.

However, when he actually sent the proposal, my family got hesitant because of his first marriage, which they already knew about for a long time. I really, really like him and he makes me happy and respects my parents and family. I can't make any guarantee of how he turns out to be after marriage but after knowing him for so many years I think he will take care of me.

On the other hand, there is this guy who no one knows and has met only once and they think that he is good for me. And I should say yes to this proposal and forget about the other person? I really don't want to do that. I just want to marry him. Can anyone tell me some dua, so that I can marry the person I love a lot.

Haya Ahmed

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum Sister Haya,

    You can recite the Salat Al-Istikhara dua. To get it's maximum benefit, read a 2-rakah prayer (The Salat Al-Istikhara) and then recite the dua as it appears in the "Istikhara Questions and Answers" in the blue menu above. Or you can say it in English as follows:

    "Allah, I ask you to show me what is best through your knowledge, I ask you to empower me through your power, and I beg you to grant me your tremendous favor. For you have power while I have no power, you have knowledge, while I do not have knowledge, and you are the knower of all things invisible. If marrying this brother is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long-term, then please make it possible for me, make it easy for me, and then bless me in it. If not, then please turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I happen to be, and make me content with your verdict oh most Merciful of the merciful."

    In the dua, you are asking Allah to make the decision for you based on what He knows is best for you. Following the dua, you will notice that events in your life will unfold in a particular way, naturally and with ease, and you should understand that this is the answer to your Istikhara prayer and dua. Additionally, if marrying this brother that you have known for 10 years is indeed the best choice, then feeling in your heart will grow for him as events unfold, and any obstacles will recede.



  2. Ws

    The first thing you need to do before anything else is to find out why his first wife divorced him. The only way you're going to get the truth about that is to speak to his ex or her family. It may be an issue where you will be forced to divorce him too. As you mention there is no guarantee as to how someone will turn out but that does not mean you do not do your research especially as one person has divorced him.

    The only information you have about the one you like is from him. He may behave towards you nicely now but will show his true colours when he is married. You need to speak to his friends and enemies to find out more. The same goes for the family's proposal if your one turns out to be a no no.

    • I agree with Hussain. The brother may be abusive (some men seem very nice until they are alone with their wives, when they change completely), or he might have a drug or alcohol problem, or he is addicted to pornography, or he has a medical problem such as impotence - who knows? You need to find out first.

      If you find that the divorce was for an innocent reason, then I suggest that you make it very clear to your family that you want to marry this man and not the other, and do not take no for an answer. It´s your life. Make your own decisions. And of course it is a very good idea to make dua' as well as sister Nor suggested.

      Wael Editor

  3. Aslaamualaykhum

    You don't want to marry him? So then don't ... I don't see what the problem is. Tell your family that you don't want to. Don't just marry him because your family want you to because it's not fair on him and if you become miserable it will be only your fault, no one elses.

  4. Pray lots of Istikhara. Have you asked the guy what caused his marriage to break. If he tries to talk briefly to avoid it, I would push him to give you a answer. It may not always be the person’s fault, it could be that two people are very different and weren’t practical.

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