Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My hatred for my husband’s best friend. Please help!

PMS, crazy, wife, angry, bad mood

Subhanallah. I do not even know if its possible to dislike someone so much! My husband of 2 yrs has a really close female friend who absolutely has no boundaries. This woman has a group of sisters, who at first seemed kind and we got along because THEY are always around my husband. I moved to another country to live with my husband after our wedding and at first I tolerated them. Now fast-forward to 2 yrs later and I barely communicate with them. I avoid them at all costs. They are extremely dramatic and gossipy! These woman are older then me and range from 30 to mid 40s and they are all unmarried. They seem to call my husband their "best-friend" and cannot keep their hands to themselves. Once at a wedding she was even wiping the sweat off my husbands face! She is very touchy and huggy with him as well. He see's her as a sister and he gets annoyed when I mention my discomfort. This girl and her sisters all wear hijab and seem to be "practicing". My husband is not their mahram so I really do not understand this haram weird friendship they have. I don't wear a hijab but I act modest in public and do not touch other men... and if I was SINGLE I wouldn't dare be all up on a married man!!!!!!!!! My husband knows this girl and her sisters for over 10 yrs.. and he just met me 2 yrs ago. He doesn't seem to understand my hatred for them and sometimes he literally disregards how I feel and carries along in their world.

 

What do I do?

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8 Responses »

  1. I don't know what suggestion to give you. This kind of relationship won't change until your husband puts boundaries. He doesn't seem to care and is enjoying it. It's appalling that these girls wear hijab and is touchy and flirty with your husband. Unfortunately, there are some Muslim men that don't see anything wrong with being friends with woman after marriage.

  2. You have two options; one where you speak your husband and make him understand how badly its affecting you and if disregards your feelings again then seek divorce. Also make him understand the relationship between those girls is haram. And make it clear to your husband as soon as those girls get married they will drop him in a heart beat, because no man wants their girl to have a male best friend.

    Your other option is to just walk away from this situation. They may have a dark secret hence why they can't leave each other alone or maybe they're in love with each other. So instead of stressing yourself out and making yourself a grumpy woman, its best to just leave before it leaves long term damages on you.

    Do not let your husband talk you into that it's okay to have relationship between opposite non mehram friends.

    If you have no kids i would recommend you just walk away.

    • Selam,
      I agree with the above response that you should speak to your husband about this problem firmly. Explain to him how it is making you feel. Make him empathise with you if you can. Ask him how he would feel if you had a male best friend and roles were reversed. How would he feel in the situation? You need to really drill it into him how he is making you feel. You need to hit home with it all. If he disregards you, then lay down his options.
      When you speak, speak with love, affection and understanding. It will soften his heart and make him more likely to take in what you're saying.
      If you start shouting and getting angry (which is completely understandable in this situation), he may also put his shield up and close his mind to whatever you are saying. So please consider your manner when you speak to him.

      However, I disagree with br Ahmed's point in regards to them having a "dark secret" or "secretly in love". Allahu 'Alam. We should not make any suspicions based on nothing. To tarnish or make false accusations is something we indulge in frequently, but nevertheless a big sin. Buhtaan is a big sin. Slandering a righteous and chaste lady is a sin.
      I'm not saying that I know this lady/these ladies- but neither does Br Ahmed. With all utmost respect. I do not think it is befitting to put such thoughts and doubts in the Sister's head.
      Also, he married you despite knowing these women. He wouldn't have done that, if he secretly loved her or her sisters.

      In some cultures, people make friends and are raised as brothers and sisters. I'm not saying that it is correct in terms of the Shari'ah, but it may be considered the norm in the specific culture. Your husband may be raised with these ladies and consider them as sisters as you mentioned. Yes, they may be 'like' his sisters, but they're *not* his sisters.

      All the best. Sweetheart.
      X

  3. Your husband doing it on purpose he has no regards to your feelings. Maybe perhaps you should do the same, treat him mean ( within halal boundaries). One thing I've learnt in life is that being nice only results in being taken advantage of.

    • "One thing I've learnt in life is that being nice only results in being taken advantage of." - Only in this narrow instance do I agree with you. She needs to set firm boundaries with her husband regarding his interaction with other women, and insist that he modify his behavior. And the woman who is getting touchy with him needs a good talking to, or even a firm slap.

      However in general I think you've learned entirely the wrong life lessons. Compassion and kindness are the core of Islam and the most important elements in simply being a good human being. Sure, people take advantage sometimes, but if we let our hearts become hard and uncaring, we only damage ourselves spiritually.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I agree that nice people are taken advantage of. Nice people finish Last.
        It's not about having hard heart, no feelings/caring. You have to protect yourself and not become naively nice and thinking people will do the same for you. I have been taken advantage of in my life time. Went through disappointments, so I find it hard to trust friends these days.

        • Salam Tami,

          Please do not think that nice people finish last. Nice people finish first as to do good to others is to do good to one's self.

          http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=17&verse=7
          "If you do good, you do good for your ownselves, and if you do evil (you do it) against yourselves." Then, when the second promise came to pass, (We permitted your enemies) to make your faces sorrowful and to enter the mosque (of Jerusalem) as they had entered it before, and to destroy with utter destruction all that fell in their hands.

          If you have a problem with something do not think that you are being nice by not saying it. The only thing that will happen is that problem will continue until you cannot be patient with it anymore and you will then suddenly explode. This is called being passive agressive. Allowing a thing only to explode later about it. It makes people around you uneasy as they cannot trust what you say. This in of it self can lead to divorce as even though you say yes, the person asking is unsure of what price they will pay later for this yes.

        • Dear Tami,

          May Allah grant you happiness and joy and remove your pain.

          Be nice to everyone as it is the way of the Sunnah of Rasoolullah. We have the best example before us!
          SubhanAllah.
          We should Display good manners towards everyone, but guard your heart. Don't let everyone enter.
          Only give the key to the ones who give you the key to theirs.

          X

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