Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need immediate help on marriage

Salam alaikum,

I am in the middle of breaking my marriage, I need immediate consultation if possible.

Thanks in advance.

I am supposed to marry a girl in 2 months from now, but all of a sudden during Ramadan my feelings for her changed. Because of that I broke up with her. But she still waits for me to come back ...

I am doing istekhara since 3 months maybe 1 time per week, the first time I got a bad dream... but I kept doing it ... then in Ramadan my feelings for her changed and I broke up.

But now I feel like I should go back to her .. I don’t understand why I am hopping like this. But I feel I will never get a girl like this in life, she is perfect for me.

Please guide me what should I do. 100% feelings are not yet back but I feel sooner or later I will feel bad and will regret not marrying her.

I do not understand what’s happening and is this the effect of istekhara.

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6 Responses »

  1. I don't know how old you are, but you sound like a confused teenager who's not ready for marriage. It sounds to me like you are trying to force yourself to like the idea of marrying a girl that's 'right' for you on paper. That's the first ingredient in the recipe for disaster...

  2. First, do isitkhara everyday as much as possible instead of doing it once a week, second rely on the feeling that you have for her after doing istekhara

    Your answer for istekhara is not necessarily in the form of dream rather your feeling is most important

    I also went through same situation where I was not able to make my mind for the girl I am married to now alhamdulillag thingsworked well for both of us and we are married.

    Be patient as your feeling might change through the time you are doing istekhara, if you feel good then proceed with marriage and if you don't then then don't proceed with marriage

  3. Dear Brother: Marriage is a great step in anyone's life. If you think the woman you are engaged to is perfect for you, then maybe you should be making prayers asking Allah to make you a good man deserving of her. Going back and forth indicates that you have some reservations. And no one wants to be jerked around, especially when it comes to getting married.

    Istikarah prayer is advised when we have to make important decisions. But there is no guarantee you will have a dream, good or bad, that will tell you what to do. Practices about going to sleep and interpreting the dreams after the prayer of istikhara did not exist during the era of Messenger Muhammad (pbuh). They were made up later on. It is a widely known fact that dreams are not a valid source of information in Islam. Therefore, you should not make your decisions in accordance with dreams.

    Maybe you are just nervous like most people who are about to get married. Self-doubt is normal. Will I make my spouse happy? Will our sex lives be happy? What if she changes her mind? Instead of worrying and wondering, focus on the facts that you have met someone you think is perfect for you, that you will be completing half your deen, and will be happy and making another person happy.

  4. Assalaamualaykum tsy.amin,

    If you really believe that you will not find another girl like her and that she is perfect for you, I would suggest you get married as soon as possible! Not all things in life are "too good to be true." Sometimes they're just... good! 🙂

    May Allah bless the two of you with a long, happy marriage. Ameen.



  5. Hello...

    • shanthi, your parents should have listened to you at the very beginning when you told them you hate the guy and don't want to marry him. So now when you break the engagement it is their fault, not yours, because they did not respect your wishes at the beginning. There is no such thing as "it is too late now" or "the marriage is fixed." You have every right to break the engagement. It's 9 months away, that's plenty of time, no one has spent any money yet or made any arrangements. So go ahead and break it and do not give in to the emotional blackmail of your parents. It's your life. You are the one who would have to live with this guy, not your parents. You must make choices for your own life.

      If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.

      Wael Editor

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