Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Shia Father Refuses to Get Me Married to a Sunni

Shia and Sunni Marriage

Shia and Sunni Marriage


I'm 25 years old female,my father is shia and my mum is suni,at the time of their wedding it was hidden by my dad's side that they are shia,they had sunni nikkah and after wedding my mum came to know about it which she disliked and dislikes until now but because of the society she couldn't do anything. this sect different was not much prominent until now as both of them never imposed so i'm practicing Suni sect.

I somehow like someone and the feelings were mutual and after liking within a week the guy sent his parents to my home because we wanted a Halal relationship ,though we knew each other for a month as we were working at same place. his family came,my dad wasn't at home my mum and brothers met (brothers following shia sect) . my mum liked the family a lot masha'Allah as they are practising Suni (alhumdulilah) .

She talked to my dad as they invited us and my dad kept saying ok this week,next week. Now after 6 months we came to know that he has asked someone for Shia family which i will prefer dying but not marry as i can't stand. (sorry i didn't mean to speak fowl ,this is my personal liking and dislikng).

He said to my brother that he will never listen to my mum regarding sunni family and will do in shia at any cost as my mum told him that she (referring to me) strictly said that she doesn't want to get married in Shia's. one other thing is my mum wanted to get me maary as early but my dad has always been saying she ain't getting old and stuff and with all family pressure he is still saying NO-NO.

He clearly said that he doesn't care if i'm 50 years or 300 years i have got my own issues and i will solve those first. Background: He has always been like this,my mum and dad doesn't speak much, I never seen them sharing good time, always had clashes and since child i have seen him shouting. My mum is ill and has been crying since then that what will happen as she says they people (dad side) cheated us at the time of her wedding and she will not let this happen to me.

My elder brother is 30, no one even asked him for marriage. on the other side guy's family is constantly saying that when will you come as it's 6 months period now. What am i suppose to do ? i will not marry any shia at any cost. plus i want to marry as soon as possible because i'm already in my late 25 and also want to keep this relationship halal as i don't want to meet him even and spend time alone.

Your help will be much appreciated!

Jazak Allah khair

P.S. Istakhara has been done by his mother and i did it twice and alhumdulilah it was a good feeling.

~ rabia malik

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9 Responses »

  1. Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

    Sister Rabia, for a woman in Islam, the approval of the guardian is necessary for a marriage contract. However, if the guardian does not act as he should and he is careless about the woman's affairs, his guardianship is transferred to the next closest male relative who can act as the guardian to approve her nikah.

    In your case, you are not obliged to wait for your father's approval because he is clearly delaying your marriage for a wrong purpose. You can go ahead with marriage, while another male relative can act as your wali during the Nikaah and two witnesses are present.

    The most qualified people to arrange a woman’s marriage after her father are: her grandfather, then her son, then her full brother, then a brother through the father, then his sons, then paternal uncles, then their sons, then the father’s paternal uncles, then the ruler (or qaadhi – judge). (Al Mughni 7/346)

    This applies only in cases where the father prevents marriage of his daughter. For more details on this, read this fatwa.

    Wallahu A'lam

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  2. Thank you so much brother,jazak Allah khair.
    My father has met his family and liked but now he is like waiting for more and more,my father says boys is average looking and he cannot let me marry him and he will wait for some more good proposals. Though my dad says they are good and practising muslim masha'Allah but he wants more rich and more good looking. Now what am i suppose to do ?

    • The 'more rich and more good looking' condition is ridiculous when both the man and woman like each other. Is his deen not good? Does he insist that he will let you marry another man who is Sunni and is rich? Well, if the man in question is religious (AND earns enough to take good care of you) and you like him, then he can not prevent your marriage.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. No my dad is not a practising Muslim.i have seen him offering salah only on Eid though he doesn't fast too.
    No he is like we are not in a hurry to marry ,he said he'll say other people for good proposals and then he will see them and final.though i feel i should get marry . my mum went along my dad to guy's home and she liked and even my dad liked but he is waiting for more and more though the guy/;s family is financially more stable than us.
    he says he has got his own business issues that he cant marry his kids,my elder bro is already in his 30
    's and we didnt seek any girl for him too.
    yeah he is a doctor and earns that we 2 can take care of our basic necessities.

  4. Dear Sister;

    Well, apart from what Mr. Abu Abdul Bari wrote, u can also have a court marriage if u both are brave enough. In this way ur father cannot harm u and in the end he will surely come to terms. Ur marriage will be Halal and save u from haram as well.

    Say ur five daily prayers with khushoo & khuzoo along with the 12 Sunnah, keep fasts regularly, read Quran in order to please ALLAH SWT. Stop worrying about ur marriage because it will get u near Dunya. By pleasing ALLAH SWT, u will get both Akhira and Dunya and ask for true guidance for ur self and for ur father

    May ALLAH SWT grant u true guidance. Ameen.


  5. Sallam alaykum wa rahmatullah ukhti.

    Alhamdullilah sister that you are a sunni, for the shias are (surely) in a wrong path.
    I advice you to never marry a shia - as they are of the wrong sects, as they give attributes of Allah to their Imams and much more.(Shirk = The biggest sin we can make (no forgiveness if we die as mushriks = 100 % ticket to jahannam (Forever) )

    As for your problem may Allah help you, because from what I understand, is that your father only delay the marriage, because he doesn't want you to marry a sunni.

    InshaAllah Allah guides whoever He wills.
    (ps. I like use paranthesis.)

    • Salam aleykoum,

      What you said is interesting to me. I'm really interested about the causes of why we have differents sects in Islam. Can you please, brother Mohammad, tell me peer example, how do shia give attributes of Allah to their Imams (just need more precision on your answer)? And in what way their beliefs are wrong?

      Good ramadan!


      • Wa alaykum wa assallam akhi/ukhti
        Sorry for the late answer... I hope you will benefit from my answer now though.
        RasulAllah salallahu alaihi wasallam has said we will be split up in 73 sects and only one of them will be the saved one. They are the ones following the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam as Allah has told us to, and the he salallahu alaihi wasallam does not speak of his own ideas but only how Allah wants the religion to be.
        Furthermore you want precision on my answer and I'm happy that you want evidences, because our deen is based upon evidences. The Quran and the Sunnah of RasulAllah salallahu alaihi wasallam and the Ijma'ah (consensus of the Ulamaa(Islamic scholars)).
        If we want to see what one's belief is we have to look at the leaders of the people, and the biggest leader of shias are Khomeini.
        Taken from
        Ayatollah Khomeini who once stated, "An Imam has a praised position, a high status, and a universal caliphate to rule even the atoms of universe. It is one of the basic principles of our school that our imams are endowed with ranks that no honorable angel or a sent prophet can reach. (Refer to "Al-Hukumah Al-Islamiyyah" under the title: "Al-Wilayah Al-Takwiniyyah", p.52.
        They make shirk by asking for help from the dead, like from Ali ibn Abi Taalib radiallahu anhu, or Hussain or other than them.
        They curse the Sahaba (companions of Allah), when Allah has praised them : <>
        ,and RasulAllah salallahu alaihi wasallam about them: "The best people are those living in my generation, and then those who will follow them, and then those who will follow the latter."
        A 'aalim from our time, Shaykh Salih Al-Fawzaan, he is asked what is the ruling of saying "The shias are our brothers", he said: We absolve and clear ourselves to Allah of them and this speech. They are not our brothers. [Swearing by Allah] They are not our brothers. Rather they are the brothers of Shaitan(the devil) because they blaspheme and slander the Mother of the Believers A'isha (radialahu anha), the wife of the Prophet salallahu alai hi wasallam. ... They also declare Abu Bakr and 'Umar to be disbelievers and curse them both. They declare the Sahaba(companions) in their entirety to be disbelievers except Ahlul Bayt (the one whom is) 'Ali ibn Abi Taalib (radiallahu anhu). Nevertheless, they are enemies of 'Ali ibn Abi Taalib. He is innocent of and free from them. 'Ali is our Imam and not theirs..." Link if you want to listen:
        So they are different than us in the basic, which is the pillars of Islam, I would say they have made themselves a new religion.
        What is true and right is from Allah and what is wrong is from myself and shaitan.
        Baarakallahu feeki. Afwan for late reply.

  6. Respected Sister please do not marry in SHIA community simple as that no arguments no justifications no use even if we sit for the whole night.Their is only one religion ISLAM and followers of prophet on sunnah rest is history after demise of PROPHET a sect which curses and what not cant even talk about the beliefs of so called man made religion.Blindly marry a decent dignified religious clean well mannered of good character SUNNAH muslim .

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