Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will he come back to me?

broken heart

As salam un alaikum,

I want to marry a man whom I love (I know its Haram to love non-mehram, but that's why I wanted to make it Halal by marrying him). But he left me due to some very important reasons(e.g. I am a Hindu Revert, He's also jobless right now and few more). The Problem is that my parents are asking me to marry the guy of their choice and they will never allow me to marry a muslim man.

So, in this case can  Istikhara be done to know whether he will come back or not(Because I think Istikhara is only for knowing the best guidance when there is any confusion)   If not by Istikhara, then what's the other option? I need to know this very soon. Is there any other way to know whether he'll return or not?  Please help me people.

Also I don't know how to perform Istikhara. Can anyone perform it for me?

What can I do in this situation? I'm praying a lot to Allah swt.


Remember me in your Duas.



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15 Responses »

  1. Wa alaikum salaam sister,

    First of all your parents cannot force you, have no right to force you, and islamically have no right to force you to marry a guy of their choice, if they are not muslim, then im not sure they will qualify as a wali/guardian for you in relation to finding you a spouse.

    Furthermore, you have to marry a muslim man, you cannot marry a non muslim, islamically your marriage will not be valid. In this sense you do not have to and shouldnt obey your parents, as you will be disobeying Allah, and they will be making you do something against Islam, so do not obey them in the marriage to a non muslim.

    Secondly, istikhara definitely will give you guidance, perform istikhara, trust in Allah and then act on your intention and you will get your answer, if you are unable to act, then dont worry keep doing dua and Allah will open a door for you so you can actively search, propose etc.

    In matters like this you will never know if he will return, its upto Allah, and you just have to trust in Allah, im not saying the guys given up on you, im saying that its out of your hands, but remember Allah is the best of planners and knows whats best for us, and knows us more than we know ourselves!

    How to perform istikhara:

    1. Pray 2 rakats of nafl salaat, with the intention of istikhara, guidance and support from Allah, pray them as you would any salaat, with devotion, humility and really asking for Allahs help.

    2. After the 2 rakats salaat read this dua:

    Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmika wa astaqdiruka bi qudratika wa as’aluka min fadlika, fa innaka taqdiru wa laa aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaam al-ghuyoob. Allaahumma fa in kunta ta’lamu haadha’l-amra (then the matter should be mentioned by name) khayran li fi ‘aajil amri wa aajilihi (or: fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri) faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li thumma baarik li fihi. Allaahumma wa in kunta ta’lamu annahu sharrun li fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri (or: fi ‘aajili amri wa aajilihi) fasrifni ‘anhu [wasrafhu ‘anni] waqdur li al-khayr haythu kaana thumma radini bihi

    TRANSLATION: (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance [in making a choice] by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter (then it should be mentioned by name) is good for me both in this world and in the Hereafter (or: in my religion, my livelihood and my affairs), then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs (or: for me both in this world and the next), then turn me away from it, [and turn it away from me], and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.”

    Whilst making the dua make full intention about what you need help in and what matter you need guidance on. After that be patient, act, if you can propose, get the guy to propose etc. if in any sense you are completely helpless then do istikhara and keep on making dua, Allah will definitely open for you a door so you can then actively do something.

    Make sure you do not give in to your parents desires for you to marry a non muslim man, that is against Islam, and in this matter you will have to humbly disobey your parents.

    • JazakAllah brother/ sister, for explaining everything in detail.

      I'm sorry for replying late, I want to add few more details, which happened within these two months:
      1.) I met the guy(whom my parents selected for me) and told him that I don't want to marry him, also I said that I smoke and drink (so that he reject me, although I don't do) and he told all these things to my parents. Now they are in complete shock now and they have postponed my marriage till next year. Alhamdulillah!

      2.) The one whom I love has got a Job. MashaAllah!

      3.) The most shocking of all, is that he is now in relationship with some other girl!!! This literally killed me from inside.

      I really don't understand what's Allah's Plan behind all this, but I really want to marry him.

      Does Istikhara change? I mean if he's not good for me 'NOW', does this means 'FOREVER'?
      I hope you are getting me.
      What should I do now?

      Thank you once again, Please pray for me.

      • Dearest sister. The man you love is not interested in you. He is interested in someone else. You have the answer to your Istikhara now, al-Hamdolillah, there was no waiting involved.

        Why would Allah grant you something that will ultimately be bad for you? FORGET about this man. He will never be worth the love and loyalty you have to offer him. Move on and please stop praying that he comes back to you -- Allah will allow this man to exercise his free will and be with the woman he chooses.

        Maybe someday you will fall in love again.

        • Dear Precious Star,

          I really can understand what you are trying to say, but they say that after Istekhara prayer one should listen to what his heart says, my heart keeps on reminding me that he will come back and we are meant to be together, may be not now, but someday.
          Everyone makes mistake, may be it is his mistake. Or may be Allah separated us so that he could realise my true worth. So, does istekhara change? Can my duas repair the broken ends? Why is it that despite of darkness in this relationship, I'm seeing Light?
          I have full faith on Allah that only He can turn the impossible to possible.

          Thank you. Remember me in your duas.

          • You are seeing light because that is what you want to see.

            You made the prayer for guidance, asking Allah to make the best possible outcome. As a result of that prayer, you learned that the man you love is having a relationship with another girl.

            I think, dear, you need to reflect on the signs around you. Perhaps it is too painful for you to admit that this man has moved on. That will take time. But here's a secret that Allah knows: when a man wants to be with a woman, he will find a way to make it happen. In your case, the man did not make it happen. He went on to another girl.

            Hopefully you will recognize that this is a mercy from Allah and stop hoping for the impossible.

  2. Dear sister,

    There is no way to predict the future. Istikhara is not a method of fortune telling.

    Only time will tell if this man will change his mind. Most men do not, so try to move on.

  3. OP: I want to marry a man whom I love (I know its Haram to love non-mehram, but that's why I wanted to make it Halal by marrying him). But he left me due to some very important reasons(e.g. I am a Hindu Revert, He's also jobless right now and few more). The Problem is that my parents are asking me to marry the guy of their choice and they will never allow me to marry a muslim man.

    It was OK for you two to do haram things, but he can't marry you because you are a Hindu Revert. Why you want to marry a jobless guy. What are more important reasons that the guy can't marry you. Don't waste your time on this man you LOVE.

    What you call love seems like lust? If this guy doesn't want to marry you, he does not love you, he just wants to use you.

    • Dear borther/sister,

      May be it was lust for him, may be he was using me, but I was always faithful and loyal to him and never used him, neither it was lust for me. Only Allah knows the true intentions. I know my intention was to marry him.

      If you could do me a favour, please pray for me.

      Thank you.

  4. salam alaykom sister,

    I just want to ask do your parents know your a revert ?

    I go with Trueseeker there are right on every point you need to consider everything the guy you love, your parents wanting you to marry a non muslim man, which is forbidden for you to do so. So before deciding anything please think before you do the action.

    i will make dua for you and may allah make is easy for you.

    • Dear brother/sister,

      No, my parents don't know that I'm a revert, but they do know that I was in a relationship with a muslim man and more often they suspect that I have accepted Islam. I can't tell them right now because that will create more problems.

      Pls make dua for me.

      Thank you

  5. You should tell your parents about you accepting another religion. Also why lie to your parents. We all have problems BUT being honest is always the key to solve the issue or see the problem. Denying or hiding it always end in disaster.

    Secondly this man was never interested in you. You have to let him go and move on. Haraam relationships are forbidden in Islam. Get your family to look for a guy for you dont allow to be emotionally involved with any man before marriage. Maybe the reason the guy didn't want to to be with you was because you are a revert some people do have an issue with this and in the long run some muslim families will not accept reverts in their families to avoid embarrassment. You should listen to your parents and marry only if that's what you want not by force. You cannot change someone to come back to you or for you to change to have someone. Sometimes we go through things in life for a reason. For you this was your blessing from Allah and count yourself lucky.

    • Sister Samina,
      Alhamdulillah! I do count myself among the lucky people.
      My parents HATE Muslims and Islam. If they'll come to know about the truth, they will immediately get me married. They will overreact, You are absolutely right that honesty is the best policy, but here, in my case, I know that being honest will make the situation worst. I don't think it's the right time to tell them because I'll be in big trouble.
      I'm just hiding everything from them, InShaAllah I'll tell them one day.

      Sister, I don't want any Haraam realtionship with him, I want a total Halaal relationship, my intention is to marry him. Right now I'm not at all emotionally stable to marry any other man. I'm just hoping for a miracle from Allah.

      Thank you sister,
      Remember me in ur prayers.

  6. Dear Precious Star,

    May be you are right, lets see what happens. All I can do is pray and hope and wait.
    Remember me in ur prayers.

    Thank you.

  7. I realise that this was posted 2 years ago, however, I am really interested in knowing the result; did he come back to you? How did your story end?

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