Islamic marriage advice and family advice

16, in love, and trying to stay on the straight path…

Lonely man walking away.

Asalamualaykum, I am a 16 year old boy and I really really like this girl. Love never really hits me but recently the past few months I've seriously liked this girl. Now I'm avoiding the girlfriend/boyfriend path as it's haraam. I do dua to Allah that when I'm older I will marry her. But I don't think I'm her type. What should I do? In my eyes she is perfect. She is also religious and wears an hijaab everyday and she doesn't have any bad things about her. Now I know I'm young but I seriously want this girl and if I avoid asking her out I fear I'll never see her again. I do dua that in the future I will marry her. Will Allah make this dua true? I think about it everyday and sometimes I feel sad thinking it will never happen. I feel like I never want to marry someone when I'm older because I only like this one girl. So will Allah accept this dua? And if yes, how will I know my dua is accepted?


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7 Responses »

  1. You really want this girl huh? How about you homeschool, study twice as much as school goers in half the time, work 8 hours a day in a car repair shop and then ask her dad for her hand in marriage?(and then work the same amount of time in college while being married). So? What do you think? Got the guts? Well... the answer is NO. See, it's just your hormones that are making you feel like this, just stop thinking about her, you aren't ready for marriage man, your just not. What you feel is not love, if it was you'd be willing to sacrifice everything for her, but you most certainly aren't

    This is what you should do(in my opinion). Memorise the Quran, with translation cause it helps you remember the surat for a long time. I personally prefer memorising with the translation in mind than just reading the Quran with translation because you will soon forget the translation. Another thing that will help you is studying for your next grade( I know it seems cruel to study even more than you school syllabus, but later in life you'll be happy that you did) you can study by simply buying the books for the next grade(preferably only the ones of your favorite subject) and just read them and answer some questions, I think a good idea will be business studies or economics as you probably won't need teachers for it and they are some interesting subjects.

    Your goal is to stop thinking about that girl, until you are ready to get married. To achieve this goal you should constantly be doing something. You wil yourself know what you can do about this. Other suggestions from me will be to take part in sports, start writing a diary(which you can read to the girl once you 2 get married Inshaa Allah)(but do make sure you keep using your brain and you don't start thinking of her), or maybe just watch ustadh Noman Ali Khan lectures. It's important to stop thinking about her because it will definitely effect your studies and effect both your deen and dunya when the girl is all you have in your mind

    Your brother in Islam,

    • Btw I'd like to add that she is not perfect, you'll find other girls like her if you "lose" her as you claim you might if you don't ask her out, just your thought of you losing her by not asking her out suggests that she has some major problems(assuming you believe she will become your gf if you ask her out). Secondly, it's a tragedy that the criteria to judge a woman is nowadays done by whether or not she wears a hijab, and it's an even bigger tragedy that this judgment is made by young men that frankly can't control their hormones
      ( sorry, I know I'm rude). Midnight moon suggested a really good idea that you should fast. Fasting will cause a big drop in your blood sugar levels, and make your brain go in surviving mode, and you will Inshaa Allah forget about sexual desires at that time(as all you will think about is food). Prophet mohammed (S.A.W) advised young youth to marry if they can afford to marry, can you? Well no.(unless you work in a car repair shop while balancing studies:))

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    MashaAllah - keep avoiding going down the boyfriend/girlfriend path - as you say, it's haraam. It can be hard to resist temptation, but by doing so we can grow in our strength of character and faith.

    16 is quite young, but it is legal in some countries to get married at that age. If you are serious about wanting to marry her, and you live in a country where it is legal to marry at your (and her) age, then you could talk with your parents about the issue. They may be willing to approach the girl's family to discuss things.

    Before you jump in to anything, though, be sure you know what this commitment would entail. You would need to be prepared to sacrifice a lot for this. If you feel sure you could do this, then Alhamdulillah. If instead you think you aren't in a position to do it (emotionally, mentally, financially...), there's no shame in that. Many people aren't ready to marry at 16.

    It's important that you concentrate on your studies at this time, as you're in a very important period of your education. Make sure that you observe Islamic limits in your interactions with this girl. If you feel that you are having trouble controlling your thoughts and feelings, it might help to fast, inshaAllah. Also, make sure that you are avoiding inappropriate films/music/etc, and that you're lowering your gaze around women.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Bro if u like her do istikhara. ..ask people with experience...


    I suggest you get some on to talk to girl and her family...

    I liked someone....but if you don't tell them or ask for there hand then u will likely loose them through someone else approaching problem has been I have never put what's in my heart out..there to people.... And becz of this and maybe it was my destiny....

    U loose the person ..

  4. You can get engaged

  5. I agree with mkhan, if you seriously like this girl ask for her hand it marriage. Mas'Allah its good that your not going through the route of haraam path but you do know what you want in life and I really admire your sense of sense knowledge. Your not the typical teenager because you already know its haraam having b/f and g/f relationship. You should follow your heart seems like your mature for your age. Marriage isn't for everyone but I get the feeling you know you want in marriage so my advice to you is marry young dont wait if marriage is for you. Older people get the harder it is, that's what I think personally in my own search.

    I however do think you should approach your parents and tell them. Your not doing anything wrong and then you can get someone to approach the girl's family. If you want marriage and really like someone you have to do your research and if they are ideal for you dont waste time go for it.

    I wish you all the best inshAllah.

  6. As-salamu `alaykum

    All Praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and
    turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to
    strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings
    upon Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets, his family,
    companions, and those who follow his way until the Day
    of Judgment.

    May Allah, the most Kind, most Merciful
    bestow upon you His peace and tranquility and replace
    your sadness and frustration with tawakkul (putting
    one’s trust in Allah), yaqeen (certainty) and sakina
    (divine tranquility).

    First, my dear brother, let me assure you that Allah Most
    High is All-Hearing. He hears the calls of all His
    servants. Allah assures us of this and tells us that He
    hears the du`aa' (supplication) of the supplicant. Allah
    also tells us that if we come to Him walking, He will
    come to us running.

    Never ever despair in your du`aa' to Him, even if you do
    not see your du`aa's being answered. Always remember
    that Allah is as we expect of Him. By this we mean that if
    we make du`aa' and expect that Allah will answer it, then
    Allah will answer our du`aa' . But if we make du`aa' and we expect that Allah will not answer it, or we are uncertain, thinking He may or may not answer it, then our du`aa's may not be answered. This is why when we make du`aa', we do not say, “Oh Allah, grant me so and so in sha’ Allah. ” We must always be definite in our
    du`aa's .

    We do not ask Allah for something and then say
    “if you will” because Allah will only answer it if He wills
    anyway. The other thing that we need to keep in mind is
    the nature of du`aa' that they may be answered in three
    1. It may be answered right away or at a time decreed by
    2. Allah may not answer that specific du`aa' but in its
    place avert some kind of calamity or disaster befalling
    3.Allah may reserve that du`aa' for us and give it to us
    in the Hereafter
    So ,although a person may not see their du`aa's being
    answered immediately, know that Allah may have
    answered it in other ways by protecting us or reserving
    it to be answered in the Hereafter, when we will be even
    more grateful for it being answered.

    (i just copy and paste the answer;-) )

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