Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abused by my brother

Button against rape

Rape is never ok and should never be tolerated.

He raped me at the midnight (3:00 clock) when I was of 12 year old and he was of 15. He raped me four nights at a same time and in a same way.

I have not shared this all the situation with anyone. Even I have never discussed this with my brother because he thought that I was sleeping (but I was awake and showed him that I am sleeping).  Now I am of 16 year old and he is of 19. So now tell me about maghfirat and tell me that I get the (gunah) of zina???

saima

 


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15 Responses »

  1. assalamualaikum sister. What your brother did is a big sin, this is incest

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    You were abused and therefore you are not to be blamed. Your brother committed a horrible and evil act.

    Is there any way that you can get help and seek counselling? I am deeply sorry for your pain and pray that Allah swt makes you successful in overcoming this trial, Ameen.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    What happened was horrible, and it was not your fault. The Quran teaches that we need to guard our chastity and avoid zina, but also states that if someone is forced into a sexual act, this is not a sin on their part - the perpetrator is accountable, not the victim.

    As Sr Saba has suggested, it might help to have some counselling to help you overcome this. If you contact your local sexual health clinic (or your family doctor) they should, inshaAllah, be able to direct you to counsellors who are experienced in helping young people who have been through childhood trauma.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Others have talked about counselling. I would advise the same.

    You are a victim of a sexual crime. Your brother is, by law, a sex offender and should be prosecuted and punished by the state. He has no love for you; I would advise that you bring a case to court against him. Do not hesitate because he is your ''brother''. He is a rapist, a sexual deviant.

    Sister, or brother, whichever you are, take action. This is not something to cry about on a website and get verbal replies consoling you; this is something for the POLICE. Seriously. Tell your parents, a trusted adult, whatever, GO TO THE POLICE. I cannot stress this enough.

    This is not something for Islam. This is something for the law.

    I hope you follow my advise.

    Asif,
    a concerned brother in faith.

  5. I agree with above advises THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
    You should tell your parents and the police. No one deserves this or should live to deal with this on their own.

  6. Assalam Alikum,

    You did not commit zina. Don't blame yourself for you are innocent and you are the victim. Don't let "religion" confuse your judgement in this matter. In fact, in Islam, your brother has committed a big sin and in the law of the society, he committed a CRIME. The least in your mind should be blaming yourself.

    Sister, for all those incidents happened, where are your parents? Do you live with them or whom do you live with?Where are you from? If you have a mother, approach her and tell her. But if your mother/parents/ guidance want to cover up which are very wrong (they are also committing a crime if they choose to silence you), go approach your school teacher/counselor. If you are not in school, you need to try to call some rape crisis center to seek help. Do not hide and tolerate as your brother will do it again to you. If where you are living is not safe, you should approach to the nearest police station that they may assist you to a local women shelter.

    Gather your courage and don't feel guilty or shame, you have done nothing wrong. Don't delay. Take care.

    • Sr K": Sister, for all those incidents happened, where are your parents? Do you live with them or whom do you live with?Where are you from? If you have a mother, approach her and tell her. But if your mother/parents/ guidance want to cover up which are very wrong (they are also committing a crime if they choose to silence you), go approach your school teacher/counselor. If you are not in school, you need to try to call some rape crisis center to seek help. Do not hide and tolerate as your brother will do it again to you.

      OP: He raped me at the midnight (3:00 clock) when I was of 12 year old and he was of 15. He raped me four nights at a same time and in a same way......my brother thought that I was sleeping (but I was awake and showed him that I am sleeping). Now I am of 16 year old and he is of 19.
      So now tell me about maghfirat and tell me that I get the (gunah) of zina???

      I think her main concern is if she committed Zina because she did not try to stop it and pretended to be sleep.

  7. dear sister.. Though u were so young and may be afraid.. But d only mistake u did was to pretend you were sleeping while u are not.... Didnt he amaze u with what he was about to do? You are suppose to shout, run around and scare him away... Had it been u made any attempt, d first would have been d last... But all dsame u didnt do any zina by d side of religion, and even to d society... Even your brother will not attempt dat now... I prayy Allah forgive him and us... Cos its adolecent temptations.

    • Assalam alaikum,
      I am sure you mean well, but please do not put any blame on the abused person. It was her sick-minded brother who took advantage of his sister and his position as a protector and abused his own sister.

  8. Salam again little sister,
    @SVS, I read it again about the post, I think you are right, her concerns is she suspected she may have committed zina because she did not do anything to stop it.

    Little sister, I want to stress again: You DID NOT Committ zina and it is NOT your fault. You were young and you did not know exactly what had happened to you. Do not blame yourself.

    I was assumed that your parents should have heard any sound as they were in the house. I guess the wee hour might be your brother's evil act covered. Sister, you were just so shocked and did not know how to react. It is not your fault.

    Your brother has committed a deadly sin. His sentence is death under Shariah Law. I will urge you to get some professional help if you can get access to it in your country. At the same time, I understand it is hard but you should report your brother or let your parents / Iman / police to do the justice. In the meanwhile, if your brother still poses any threat to you, you should speak out and don't let this happen to you again.

    A side note for you and others, I read an article in the website name: Ideal muslimah. ( http://www.theidealmuslimah.com/2014/03/abuse-and-its-evil-branches-part-2-muslims-against-abuse/)

    In it, it cited, " Gupta and Ailawadi’s study (2005) revealed reasons why girls in India did not disclose the sexual abuse they were subjected to:

    Wanting to forget
    Fearing what people would think
    Self-blame
    Distrust
    Minimising its importance
    Feeling guilty for experiencing pleasure
    Fear of being disbelieved
    Fearing she is considered as being a willing participant
    Feeling confused
    Not knowing whom to tell.

    Sister, if you are any of the reason above, it is understandable but it is NOT your fault. May Allah protects you and protect our community away from this awful sin.

  9. Contact the police and don't hesitate , your brother is a sick human being.

    Then check with counselling, you did absolutely nothing wrong so please don't ever blame yourself.

  10. Salam sis im sorry to hear about what you have been through. You have recieved a lot of good advice, and all I wanted to do was reiterate that none of this was your fault. This was sinful and disgusting behaviour on your brothers part and I really hope he feels remorse for it and repents. What is the situation now? Are you guys still living under the same roof? Has he tried to be inappropriate with you again? You need to protect yourself.

    I definitely think you should seek out counselling, it's not healthy to keep such a huge thing bottled up it could have consequences in the long run, eg in intimacy with your husband.

    Also the other problem is that you don't know whether your brother has truly repented or whether he is taking advantage of other innocent girls? What if he does the same to his daughter? I know your supposed to cover other people's sins, so I'm not entirely sure what should be done in this situation, perhaps it would help to speak to your mother about this?

    I know of a girl who went through something similar. I'm not sure about the extent to which her brother abused her but just like you she would wake up to his inappropriate actions, until one day it happened it ramadhan and she plucked up the courage to tell her mum. After this the abuse stopped and as far as she could tell her brother felt remorse.

    I pray Allah swt gives you comfort and keeps you protected, and may He bless you with the best in this world and the hereafter. Ameen.

  11. I am in the same situation people but i told my parents they did not say anything to him insted they said that i am creating an issue what should i do??

  12. A person who committed act of rape, can they be forgiven

    what steps they have to do to recive forgiveness

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