Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I like a man, how to guide him to Islam?

The Truth of Islam

The Truth of Islam

Asalamou alaikom,

I would like to salute all of you here. I am a muslim 21 year old woman, studying at college right now. I was born Muslim, and been praying since my childhood, but in the past year, as I got too busy with school and life, I stopped praying, which I regret. I always believed that God is on my side, and I love God more than anything in the world. Therefore, I have decided I will start praying since today again.

I have met a man who does not follow any religion, however he never showed any rejection concerning Islam, and he said anything bad about it. I have feelings for him, and there is some attraction between us. We have never had any sexual intercourse, however there is a possibility that he likes me and wants a relationship with me.

I want to talk to him about Islam, and guide him. However, I do not know how to do it. I have a feeling that he might be the right guy for me. The only thing that should change about him is religion.

I do not want things to get too serious between us to the point where we realize it is a dead end since I cannot marry him. Therefore, I want him to discover Islam soon. Because, whether he would want to marry me in the future or not, I just want him to know about this religion, and maybe thanks to God, he would be guided to Islam and he would convert.

I just do not want to continue in something that God does not want. And I know that the only way that our relationship and love can work out is through God's blessing.

I would very much appreciate your advice about this, and how would be the best way to approach the talking about Islam with him.

P.S: I have never had a serious conversation with him about Islam.

-Daisy

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4 Responses »

  1. Praise be to Allaah.
    First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness.

    You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

    This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah. 

    Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife, then he leaves her but that love remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away. End quote. 

    Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (p. 147). 

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

    A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation). End quote. 

    Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/question no. 13) 

    Our advice to you is that it is essential to stop corresponding with this young man. The matter is simple, in sha Allaah, and if a person is content with little, Allaah will make him independent of means by His grace and bounty. You can be certain that you will never find happiness except by obeying Allaah and adhering to the limits set by his sharee’ah. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that. 

    Your delay in getting married is very harmful for you. Beware of delaying, for that will only cause harm. You should realize that one of other men who have proposed marriage may be more religiously committed and righteous than that young man, and there may be far greater love with him than there is between you and that young man. 

    And Allaah knows best.

  2. OP: I have met a man who does not follow any religion, however he never showed any rejection concerning Islam, and he said anything bad about it. I have feelings for him, and there is some attraction between us. We have never had any sexual intercourse, however there is a possibility that he likes me and wants a relationship with me.

    Are you dating this guy? You want to guide this guy to Islam so that you can marry him. Do you think your parents will accept him as your husband?

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