Affair with muslim woman
Salam,
I am a hindu and married for the last more than 10 years and have a 5 years old daughter. But, have an affair with a married muslim lady for the last more than one year.
Though i am a hindu, i am following all rituals and celebrate all islamic festivals. I have no intention to leave or ditch the second woman. She is also preparing to go for 'Khula' and going to ask for divorce from her husband. We both are in deep love with each other and there is no separation possible; if at all it happens it will take our lives for sure.
I am thinking to convert not just because i am in love with a muslim lady but because i myself have developed faith in islam after reading qu'ran and other related literature.
My hindu wife has no parents. I don't love her but i feel pity about her and do not want her to be thrown into an orphanage. on the other hand, i love this muslim lady and for sure can not live without her; neither can she live without me. As mentioned earlier, my muslim friend is seeking divorce from her husband and we want to marry.
Please suggest a way out ; i would once again reiterate that in no situation me and my muslim friend can live with our partners forgetting each other. IT IS JUST NOT POSSIBLE. I need help in this complex situation.
- manumadhavan35
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It is unfortunate that you are involved in an extra-marital affair. It is unfortunte for both you and your muslim lover. I am not here to judge anyone -- that is for God alone. The reality, sir, is that you are married. While you may be happier with another woman, that is too bad -- you are married! I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but sometimes reality is harsh. Of course you can live without this other woman in your life. Do you think your heart will stop beating if you stop seeing her? No, it won't. If anything, you will be doing the right thing by standing by your wife who has no other family. You will be doing the right thing by encouraging your lover to honour her marriage to her husband and not get divorced.
Please, don't destroy two families because of this affair. It is wonderful that you have come to Islam - continue strengthening your iman and your relationship with Allah SWT, and I am sure that eventually you will realize that you made the right decision in terminating the affair.
I agree completely with Precious Star. What you are doing is wrong. You are betraying your poor wife. All your talk about how it's impossible to live without the Muslim lady is just nonsense. Of course you can live without her. Sometimes in life we must do the thing that is right, not the thing we desire. Stop pretending that you have no control over your actions, and do the right thing.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam, Wow this hurts. You have a wife that has no one else. Also to top it off a daughter ( what goes around comes around). What your doing to this "friend" of yours someone man will do it to your daughter ( Allah Forbid it). Your friend is going to ask for a divorce?? Wow what the devil can put in peoples heads. Please don't leave your wife. You say you are interested in Islam and that you read the Quran...then you would no what you are doing is WRONG..!! Tell your wife your unhappy and tell her what you want from her. Don't leave her she only has you and her daughter. Your friend has a husband and probably family, but on other hand your WIFE only has you. Please wake up and think of your WIFE AND DAUGHTER..not your so called friend. Think about it your friend is cheating on her husband with you, why is it different for her to cheat on you when you guys get married??? please think..!!!
may Allah SWT forgive us all!!!! it is unbearable to hear such nonsense! the idea that you find it impossible to live without a woman who is 1) a muslim, and 2) disloyal to her husband! this is something not to be taken lightly, you have a wife and a daughter and they need you, this "other woman" is nothing more than that! your priorities are out of touch and you may find that whatever you thought you had in this muslim lady will turn out to be you both being the tools shatan has used to do what he aims to do everyday DESTROY HOMES!! he can only plant the idea, the rest is what we are responsible for and will be questioned about on the day of judgement. if you care at all for your lady friend and if you have read the Quran as you claim then fear Allah and remind her of the condition you both have put yourselves in. surely this is better for you than throwing away a marriage for what could be latter seen a just a passing fancy. Allah SWT knows best all that is right for His slaves, and know this, maybe the thing that you Want is not what Allah SWT says is the best for you, and sometimes in life the thing that Allah SWT knows is the best for you you may not always want but who knows best you or Him? stay with you family and move away from this woman because if you take her your mind nor heart will ever have peace knowing how you gained her.
Assalamu Alikum Warahmath allahi wabarkathuhu brother,
Mashallah, its nice to know that you've accepted islam.
I agree with both of the comments above,
you got yourself in a nasty situations however brother,
do not LEAVE your wife, she has no one expect you,
and please think of your daughter. Could you bear her
to be fatherless??
In islam, adultery is one of the worst sins, so
you should start repenting for your mistakes.
Though you may love your muslim friend to bits,
but you already have a WIFE, and i'm sure
she'll be able to satisfy you, if you talk to
her what you expect from her.
Brother, its never too late to bloom you marriage,
and i think having an affair with someone else is totally unnecessary.
Why did you marry her in the first place?? is it not because you love her?
Brother, Allah has chosen to show you the right path,
accept it and become the best Muslim you can be.
Hope this helps.
Salam,
It would be way better if you stayed with your wife and your daughter. However, if you're a muslim, your marriage becomes invalid as your wife isn't a muslim or from the People of the Book (jews and christians). Have you tried to tell her about islam or explain her this religion? I think you should better think about it to avoid putting your faith in islam in contradiction with your marriage. Try to tell her about Islam, maybe she'll understand and accept it the way you did.
Another thing you could do is to leave your wife to marry your lover. But I wouldn't advise it because of what the previous comments explained. it would have disastrous consequences. The best thing to do involving your lover is to leave her. She got a husband and you got a wife. And she already cheated on her husband, why would she be faithful to you? I know this last remark is harsh but if this woman doesn't repent and change her behaviour sincerely, there's no reason why she wouldn't do it again later.
I think the best thing to do is to stay with your wife and try to tell her about your faith, you would both learn about islam and it wouldn't only strengthen your faith and give you knowledge but it would also maybe be something that would bring you closer to your wife as you said you don't love her anymore and help you being faithful to her.
I hope it helps and I wish you the best for your future and for your family inshallah.
MashaAllah I agree with your post. I'm surprised that no one else pointed out the facts regarding the Hindu wife. Please brother, be sincere in your intentions when it comes to Islam. Study it and ask Allah SWT for guidance for you and for your family. Think of your wife who has no one, and try with a sincere and humble heart to guide her to Islam as well. It will only bring the two of you closer.
I agree with other posters regarding the Muslim woman. She is firmly in the grip of Shaytan and should repent from her actions. My advice to you is to tell her that you are considering Islam NOT FOR HER but because you see the beauty and truth in it, and that you are trying to guide your wife to it as well. Tell her that you have no intention of leaving your current wife. I'm curious to know what her reaction would be to that.
the best way out is the way in. It is very indecent to propose a married woman and even worse if she was the one who proposed you. But if you people are bent upon the indecencies you may. A very fortunate and welcoming thing is that you are about to embrace the true religion of islam by getting inspired to it and not by your relationship.All human beings love the first wife and the things start getting normalized if you would satisfy her in accordance with the demands of islam try converting her too, and accompanying her too if you really want to be true to your conquest of happiness.
Dear rother,
In Islam it's not alowed to take somthing that's not yours, you want to take a wife of someone else, think of it, second you can not divorce or leave your wife and daughter because you want to mary a wife of some one!!!!!,
You are talking about love, love , true love is not like that, you are kiding,
Deffinettely your friend is not a good wife because in islam Muslim people men and women are not supose to make love unless with their wives and haband,
Please do not destroy two families, at the end if you do so you will not live happy life,
I know what I have to say will contradict every comment before mine... however, it must be said.
I'm a Muslim woman by birth and for over five years, I had a relationship with a non-Muslim man. I know that this goes against my religion, but I wasn't brought up in a very strict household when it came to religion. However, after my father's passing... that changed. My mother insisted that I break my ties with my long time love and marry within my religion/culture. She gave me an ultimatum... I had to choose my mother or my love. After a great deal of heartache and turmoil, my significant other decided he couldn't live with himself if I chose him over my mother, as she is my only living parent. He became very stubborn about his decision and wouldn't allow me to persuade him otherwise.
I became extremely depressed and resigned. It was a very dark period in my life, I wanted to die.
Despite having a lot of support from friends, I became so lonely. My mother and other family members kept pressuring me and saying that I had to get married asap and if I didn't, then I would become a spinster and never be able to marry anyone. My culture is very hung up on age.... it's like once a woman turns 30, you are no longer good marriage material. It's a sad and ignorant way to be, however, these archaic notions plague the people of my country and other Muslim countries.
My depression and loneliness made me give into my family's wishes. I decided I would marry the young man they had found for me. If I couldn't be with my true love, then I'd be with whomever was available for me... without much consideration to our compatibility. I am not in the least bit attracted to him, and frankly am somewhat repulsed by his appearance, however, I married him. After the marriage, he stayed in our country. I came back to the U.S. and sponsored him for a green card. Soon after my return, my ex approached me and apologized. He asked me if I could consider getting back with him. After much back and forth, I told him I got married. He cried and asked me why I would do such a thing so soon after our break-up. All I could do was cry... I knew I had made a huge mistake. My love for him was still so strong and the pain of separation was so deep.
I can't imagine living without my beloved, but now I am married. My husband cares for me, and I care for him as a human being but can never be a good wife to him. How can I when my heart belongs to another man? I feel physically sick when I think about having to share a bed with the man I married because I know that I will always be thinking about and longing for someone else. How can I get through this life?
I know that everyone on this site will simply criticize me. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it, right? What I don't understand is why Muslims from all over the world decide to emigrate to well-to-do countries when they want to raise their children the same way they themselves were raised back home. It doesn't make any sense. You want to gain the opportunities that are afforded to you in other countries, however, you spit on the cultures and beliefs of the people that make up these countries. It's really selfish that you expect your children to go to school with and work with people from different cultures/religions, however, you threaten to disown them for falling in love with any of these foreigners. How can you be such hypocrites?
People are people, no matter where they are from. There is good and bad in all cultures, races and religions. At the end of the day, we are all created equal regardless of what anyone says. Right now, I know that I would be happier with the man I love, but due to my society and religion... I have to stay with the one I married.... why? I only have one life, don't I have the right to live it?
Getting back to the original posting submitted by manumadhavan35: if you do convert, please do not be a hypocrite. Love people because they are good human beings, not simply because they are Muslims for even Muslims are capable of doing wrong (I don't think I need to back that up in any way). I think that love is a really important part of self-fulfillment and long term happiness, not just the happiness of oneself but also for the happiness of the entire family unit. If a husband and wife do not love each other, it will show and it will affect their children. That is precisely the type of household I grew up in.
I won't tell you that you should divorce your wife because I truly feel for her. Based on what you've said, it appears that you live in India or another Southeast Asian country. I simply feel concern that your wife will face a lot of hardship if you leave her and your daughter. At the same time, I feel your pain as it is reflected in my own situation. The difference is that I don't have a child and have never lived with my husband. We've been married for 3 months so far. I don't know how I would feel if I had a more established marriage and a child. Before you make any decisions, think about what means more to you... self-fulfillment or being a good father to your daughter. This is truly a decision that only you can make for yourself. Don't let other people's judgement and criticism make up your mind. Make a decision that you can live with because it will certainly follow you for the rest of your life. All the best, I know it's not easy.
Bittersweet melody.......I read and re read ur post......All I cud do was break down....Im in a bad situation.... Im a .hindu woman muslim man..... I just want to talk to U. Pls lemme know if I can get in touch with U ...Im really hurt. I crossed all barriers ....coz of how much I love this man. Im in a situation where I feel Im gonna die! I wanted to talk to someone like u....
Mystic,
We do not allow the exchange of contact details on this website. However, I suggest you log in and submit your question as a separate post so we can help you properly insha'Allah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Im a hindu woman in love with a muslim man
I am a Muslim woman with a different perspective than the other commenters. Yes, adultery is immoral, and a great injustice to your current wife. That means that you should divorce her and provide for her materially. It means you will have less money for yourself and your new wife, but if she isn't earning her own income and has depended on you, then you must continue to provide for her.
I also think you should stop committing adultery-- divorce your wife, and allow your lover to divorce her husband, than then you can be together. Just because you have initially made a grave mistake doesn't mean you should keep perpetuating it. Your goal of being together is fine, but find a way to get there honorably.
But I do not think that you have to stay in an unhappy marriage simply for the sake of honor and responsibility. You should pursue your own happiness-- life is short. Even though you can no longer be the husband of your current wife, you can still treat her respectfully and lovingly.
kebba camara,
If you mean that you want to know the rights of a Muslim woman, it will be highly beneficial if you start a new post after logging in. We shall in sha Allah answer you then.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear fellows
I deleted the remainder of your comment. Please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor